Advances, setbacks, and a mission (POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!)

[crisispoint]

Ah, well, where to begin?

I've been on the Member's forum dealing with this s**t more than here because I was embarassed and more than a little afraid of what I was dealing with. But I think everyone who comes here should know because it's an important part of who I am and what this board is supposed to be about.

Basically, I've flipped out over the past few weeks. I've discovered more "alters" living inside my head (officially, I'm up to three now) and I've gotten back more memories of my childhood abuse that has filled me with shame that I shouldn't have. It's driven me to the frigging breaking point where I've had to FIGHT another local rape crisis center to get me another therapist.

Now, I've been really bad before, but I was desperate with this. I did finally get into the therapist and have been taking steps to involve my family more with my healing. This has helped a lot.

Not to say that there hasn't been additional bad stuff and setbacks. I zoned out yesterday and cut myself with a (thankfully very dull) penknife. Repeatedly. As in writing "SLUT" and "WHORE" over and over into my arms, legs and (yes, this was how bad it was) my head. As the blade was dull, I have no more than a few line-scratches on me to show for it, but it was a bad setback. I have to watch myself for it further.

I throughly believe I will recover from this setback, and have even gotten my trademark bizarre sense of humor back. Progress.

And there was an article about the stresses on sexual assault resources in my local newspaper which focused on women. I called the reporter and told her about how, while I understand and appreciate how stressed resources were for females, that I was disappointed that there was no mention, NONE, of male sexual assault victims and the utter lack of resources for them. I hope she calls me back. While I'm still not at a place to be compltely public, I wouldn't mind telling her my story anonymously and getting word about helping MALES in my area out there.

Progress? Hope so. If she doesn't call back, I will call her again.

I plan to be here more. Thanks to all the brothers and sisters who've helped me through the bad patch. I'll probably need it again. Setbacks happen, but we've GOT to keep moving forward to reclaim our lives. The m***********s who made this necessary need to see they HAVEN'T won. WE have.

Peace and love,

Scot

 

[Mike Church]

Scot it is great to see you out in public again. Thank you for sharing.

 

[outis]

Scot,

You're a very brave, very strong man.

we've GOT to keep moving forward to reclaim our lives

"There is no way out but THROUGH!"

No one said it would be easy, but no one can stop you from doing it.

Thanks,

Joe

 

[Lloydy]

Scot
that's some terrific progress, going out and 'fighting' for an appointment, calling the reporter, and recognising what you're going through is a sure sign of your self-esteem returning, and if your sense of humour returns as well, that's a bonus !

Dave

 

[Leosha]

(((((Scot))))))

Even when you are having hard times, your strength inspires others. I am sorry that you had the setback, although I have had those also. And you know, you do get stronger from them. It sucks to have them, but I guess there is good anyway.

I feel for you with the 'alters', as I know how scary and out of control that can feel. I do not even know what my 'tally' is! As with all else, I try to keep faith that this will be all right.

I am very glad that you are still strong, that you are still yourself despite all this.

Leosha