admission - another side - some of it bad some not

admission - another side - some of it bad some not
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
sometimes it's true -

i just want someone to make it all better -

i am like a child -

sometimes - if i open up to the hurt -

i just want some to say

'there, there now, mark,
i will take care of everything,


phew! - a safe place - would be great -

-

to just go back to sleep, or play -!

or have some ice cream - :)

when I was growing up - I literally was alone so much living in a fancy house rented for us by the 'company' - in the middle of a Los Angeles Canyon -

It was at the base of a mountain so there was lots of natural and transplanted foliage -

a rose garden - too -

i had no one to eat dinner with -
and no one to tell me to study -
i did study
i did achieve


i wandered around the mountain side - and the garden - watching birds -
and racoons -
a deer attacked and killed
by dogs - :(

the bees (I LOVE BEES) in the Rose garden !! -
it was so quiet and peaceful that sun at the end of the day - that feeling -many days like this - many days - at sunset -
i was like just one of them -
like i was a flower with bees around smiling
and not a one ever stung me! the smells the quiet - how still could i be! endless

nature !

--

no one cared i had no friends -

'they' were always out -

-- or who cares -


- ah well ghosts, yes?

******************

I want to live in a peacful place again -
a garden - but with someone next time -

who LOVES ME!!

I love you guys,

Mark


PS -(i did get listed in the LA Times my
junior year as one of the best students
in Los Angeles County!

and was also twice nationally awarded
for my art oil paintings
by two famous American Art Schools -
so what no one noticed!)
 
i made a collage of what that place looked like -

in members forum -

wish i could put it here -
 
i was there from 13 to 16 -
and then to a real tiny place in the city center -
when the 'rents' divorced -

before that I was in small town New York -

8K ppl lol

right next to an old fruit tree farm -
cool stone walls and about a 100 yards
of raspberry bushes
just through the woods!
woohoo!!

lots of jeans sneakers and lumber jack shirts -

and then LA - oh vomit -
m
 
OK - so this morning - when I cam out of the gym

a bee comes and lingers in front of me at the road crossing -

i watched it look around me - i knew it wouldn't bite - i just let it look around me -

i guess it was smelling me or something -

and it buzzed around my head and then followed me for around half a block -

i love bees :)

m
 
Mark, that was great! I almost spewed forth the drink in my mouth at the time!

My little puppy dog doesn't like bees though. He's been bitten twice in three weeks. Poor little mite.

Take care friend.
 
Hey!! another bee did the same thing today!

let me know it was there because it brush against my hand - I looked down - and again - it just buzzed around me - and i watched it - and then the cross walk sign changed - :)

(((bee hugs))
m
 
Nature is really standing out for me today, since my transition from the Utah retreat back to the streets of NYC was an extreme change in scenery.

I too adore bees! Totally cool! Little Vernon was in a play in the first grade and he played a bee. I made a bee costume and my lines went something like this: "The Queen bee says she is sorry that she could not make this date... [can't remember the rest]should have read but she sent me the little princess bee in her place!

Little Vernon came home with me after being walled in for the past thirty years. He loves bees.

Take care
Vernon
 
Mark - My wife, daughter and I recently moved to a small town in NY, population 1,630 as of the year 2000. We too have apple trees, pear trees, blackberries, grapes all growing on our property. I had no idea how healing it would be, like living on a retreat...all the time. It is beautiful here, what a wonderful place for my daughter to grow up. Lots of old stone walls, deer, hawks, bunnies and bees, lots of bees to drink from the flowers. I Love it here and can see why you miss it so much. - John
 
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