To me, acting out is a way of anger control/dispersal, like cutting and stuff when I was a kid.
My acting out was getting out of control, I have tried the gym, which does work, I keep fit by riding my bike and walking which is good.
I faced my acting out head on, because I was just downloading any porn I could find, and it did me no good, did not even watch most of it.
Now I have totally got rid of it all, because it was doing more damage than any good.
To anyone young to this, I would say that the situation you find yourself maybe impossible to fathom out, I have been down that road with nobody to explain to me about how to control my behaviour.
It led to bottling up emotions, something which you should never do, let them out here, we will understand, because we have been there.
You are never alone in discovering your fears, this place, is a place where I found some of the answers to the questions I always asked myself, and had nobody in the World to share, but here, you are never alone.
It is never an easy task, and I and many others in here will testify to that one. I have faced some of lifes' major tests because of SA, and have been totally immersed in the effects, but I have to accept that it happened.
This is something that family and friends can often overlook in how they treat you, as they can be in denial to the facts, and the outcome especially over the years, but do not deny yourself your memories, and face them.
Trigger Warning..........
When I was about 12yo, I often hid in the woods, totally nude, acting out, I did not want to be clothed, as he had stripped me of all of my clothes, so I just acted out the fantasy of being raped in the woods bound to a tree.
I was totally humiliated as a young boy, and stripped of my dignity to function as a normal young boy, but I fought it, and always will.
No, it really is not what I wanted, I jsut wanted to be understood in life, and not ostracised by family etc., but when so many emotions are disturbed through SA, it is difficult to have normal social skills.
Acting out/ or in, is a release from inner pain, and anguish that SA, brings upon us, it will never be explained to many people, who do not have to tread this road to recovery.
It is important to not hurt yourself, for hurt, done by somebody else, it is their guilt, and not your own, and even if you find yourself in a seemingly impossible position, you can find your way out.
If there is any one thing to remember in life, it is this; IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT, AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN THAT AN ABUSER PUTS ON YOU, NOR SHOULD THE SITUATION CONTINUE.
Every child has a right to a peaceful nurturing existence, to some of us it can never be, but we can get through, but only if we are strong, that we are to get this far in life.
The conclusion to all this, is that you have to have been so strong in your life, and that you have the will to get there,
That is maybe how I feel on the subject,
ste
