Achievements

Achievements
H

heart

Registrant
10 years on from starting recovery from sexual abuse this is what I have achieved, in no particular order:
- 3 years of one to one therapy specifically on sexual abuse
- 12 weeks of group therapy for male survivors
- 2 day conference with guests such as Mike Lew, Kim Etherington (British sexual abuse writer and expert) and many other wonderful people
- Mike Lew workshop for male survivors
- attended meetings of Survivors of Incest Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous
- read books: betrayed as boys, victims no longer, silently seduced etc etc
- worked for 2 years as a volunteer for a male survivors helpline
- attended a 3 month course and workshops on counselling survivors
- joined the MS forum
- disclosed the abuse to friends and family
- attempted to sue one of the people who abused me, it was too late, but I feel good I tried
- given up alcohol, drugs, tobacco, seeking men to abuse me, unsafe sex
- severed contact with my parents, I don't like people who collude with paedophiles...
- taken up singing
- spoken publicly about my abuse (with a microphone connected to loud speakers!) at a rally for survivors
- accepted that I had internalized the abusers and overcome the fear that I could become one
- started to overcome a nightmare that has plagued me since my first abuse
- named and shamed all the poeple who abused me on a life chart
- stopped saying "my abusers" but instead "the people who abused me", because they are not mine, they are bastards and bitches
- taken a boss to court because she sacked me when she found out that I was a survivor, and I won!! she's just a cow
- freedom from suicide attempts
- solid friendships
- learned how to nurture my "little boy"

What am I trying to achieve now?
- free myself from having sexual fantasies of being sexually abused
- complete freedom from panic attacks
- fall in love and have passionate sex
- recover from bowel dysfunction resulting from anal rape (oh dear, I did not think I would write this down for everyone to read, but then it might help someone)
- love myself as much as I possibly can
- ability to feel safe when I sleep
- fully recover from mother incest

I am probably missing out stuff, but that's a fair summary. Once in a while I write such a list down to remind myself how much I have moved on but I have never shared it with anyone. This is a checklist, not a competition. Everything I have achieved so far has been with the help and support from people, and by the way it's been fucking hard and fucking painful a lot of the time.

I am looking forward to get even better
Heart
 
Sounds like you have been pretty busy and productive. Keep up the good work. Hope we can help you go even further.
Ken
 
Wow, what a great list. I'm really glad that you shared that, since I sometimes get bogged down with the negative.

Two of your achievements really hit me. (Perhaps they aren't your biggest ones, but they resonate with me personally.

The first:
stopped saying "my abusers" but instead "the people who abused me", because they are not mine, they are bastards and bitches
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Hooray!!!! This is one of the things that annoys the hell out of me. My perp. My abuser. Fuck that! He's not mine. I caught myself saying it awhile ago and have tried to make it a point never to say it again.

The second is that you sued your boss who fired you when she learned your past. Congratulations. I hope they paid through the nose. I recently went through something similar. Unfortunately, after talking with a couple lawyers, it seems the company I worked for was smart enough to keep themselves out of trouble. (They didn't fire me, but demoted me.) I still am furious with the bastards, and still wonder if I handled it right.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing this list. I think I would be wise to take a little more time to take stock of what I've accomplished while I'm busy working to achieve what I want in the future.

Take care.
 
Heart

given up --------------, seeking men to abuse me,
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That is EXACTLY right !

I keep saying things like "men to have sex with" and it ain't right! I was seeking more abuse.

You obviously listened to Mike Lew closer than I did, because he picks up on these seeming unimportant nuances so quickly and accurately.
And they make sense, by using the old language we carry on the traditional thinking. The words and phrases we use are important, it's nothing to do with education or good English, it's using whatever language we use accurately all the time.

Was it the SCOSAM Conference in Birmingham in 2001 that you saw Mike and Kim?

Dave
 
Lloydy

SCOSAM
Yes, that's the conference I attended, were you there to? I still have strong memories of it.

It was interesting for me to meet Kim because my therapist had been trained by her.

Thanks for your reply
Heart
 
Heart it is so good to see something so positive. And I appreciate that you made it clear that doing all of that included a lot of struggle and pain.

It is a good model for us to use as we wish. Thank you for writting it and then sharing it with all of us.

Bob
 
Originally posted by heart:
- stopped saying "my abusers" but instead "the people who abused me", because they are not mine, they are bastards and bitches
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Heart,

I posted something in the member forum a while ago. I was speaking of how instead of saying I was abused by 'my coach', I was able to say 'the coach' or 'him' or something like that. But then was stumped, as I was also physically abused by my father. And I didn't know how to speak of him without saying 'my'. How do I not 'my' my father? Thank you for this. He is, again, just another of the 'people who abused me'.

It is very good to see such a powerful and positive post. I hope that you continue to celebrate your achievements, and earn even more. I wish you good luck.

Leosha
 
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