accepting abuse
hello men:
i just had an upsetting thing happen and i need to share it. i just had ugly words with the neighbor. you see, he has some old scraps of wooden planks on his property that are protruding into the alley.
when i pull my car in and out of the garage my front bumper comes close, within a few inches i believe, of the wooden planks and i do not want to scratch my bumper. i paid alot of hard-earned money for my car and i do not want it to get scratched by the neighbor's planks.
this man has a history of being self-centered and causing little problems for the neighbors. he has done this for the last 30 years.
he was born in another country and still acts different often. he has not truly adopted american customs.
well, i saw him earlier and said that the planks were a problem. and, immediately he interrupted me. he was loud and beligerent. i tried to reason with him and explain my concern for my car. but, every time i tried he interrupted me and did not let me finish a sentence.
this went on for a minute or so. it ended with him hollaring something about me needing to learn how to park. i walked away finally and immediately felt insulted, angry and deeply hurt.
i even thought of setting fire to the planks or hiding them away or even of punching him. but, thank God these were only fantasies. i acted on none of them.
well, maybe 10 minutes later i sat down in my apartment feeling real bad. and, i told myself "we are taking this way too personally as we often do! we must stop this!"
shortly afterwards we thought of how abusive the man acted toward us and we just stood there and allowed him to continue. he responded with beligerence, abusiveness, foulness, disrespect and we just stood there attempting to reason with him for a full minute.
we did not just walk away at the first sign of his abuse and call the police to bring them into the situation. with the police present he may have then showed some respect.
no, we stood there and tried to be reasonable in the face unreasonableness. wow! we stood there and allowed another to be disrespectful and abusive toward us for what i believe was a full minute.
then we remembered this was not the first time. in our life there have been many times when we allowed another to be beligerent, hostile, and abusive with us and we stood there and took it.
we next asked ourself WHY? why do allow this? then we realized that this is exactly what both our mother and father taught us. they were our initial abusers.
so many times i stood there and watched my parents act this out before us. it began when we started elementary school, at about age 5, if not before. my mother was the offender and my father was the willing victim normally.
she would act in the same exact way the neighbor did and my father would act like i did. my God! i am so grateful to have realized this. they taught us to be a part of this sick form of relating. they were our original offenders/perpetrators.
as i have shared on this board before my mother has long shown signs of having an anxiety disorder like i do. she emotionally incested me for the first 35 years of my life. and, my father has been diagnosed with a mental illness and is an acting-out addict, workaholic. he abandoned us from birth and only played a small role in our life. Lord, it hurts much to admit this but it is all true.
so, we feel so grateful to our God for the insight we had earlier and we hope and pray we can do better the next time someone acts so poorly toward us.
we especially have had this problem in the work world. it happened at our last job. a coworker did this exact thing to us and as we had so many times before we just stood there and took it. (oh Lord God, please help us learn and grow. we need much growth. please! thank you.)
men, we are grateful to have shared this and grateful you are here to read this. next time the neighbor becomes hostile i pray i remember to call the police immediately and let them sort the problem out.
this would be much better than feeling so down that i fantasize about physically hurting someone and ourself in the process. hurting him certainly would not be worth spending time in jail and exposing myself to such harm.
please say a prayer for me men and for us all. that we can grow and learn the vital lessons we were never able to before. sincerely,
bec, feeling humble and grateful
i just had an upsetting thing happen and i need to share it. i just had ugly words with the neighbor. you see, he has some old scraps of wooden planks on his property that are protruding into the alley.
when i pull my car in and out of the garage my front bumper comes close, within a few inches i believe, of the wooden planks and i do not want to scratch my bumper. i paid alot of hard-earned money for my car and i do not want it to get scratched by the neighbor's planks.
this man has a history of being self-centered and causing little problems for the neighbors. he has done this for the last 30 years.
he was born in another country and still acts different often. he has not truly adopted american customs.
well, i saw him earlier and said that the planks were a problem. and, immediately he interrupted me. he was loud and beligerent. i tried to reason with him and explain my concern for my car. but, every time i tried he interrupted me and did not let me finish a sentence.
this went on for a minute or so. it ended with him hollaring something about me needing to learn how to park. i walked away finally and immediately felt insulted, angry and deeply hurt.
i even thought of setting fire to the planks or hiding them away or even of punching him. but, thank God these were only fantasies. i acted on none of them.
well, maybe 10 minutes later i sat down in my apartment feeling real bad. and, i told myself "we are taking this way too personally as we often do! we must stop this!"
shortly afterwards we thought of how abusive the man acted toward us and we just stood there and allowed him to continue. he responded with beligerence, abusiveness, foulness, disrespect and we just stood there attempting to reason with him for a full minute.
we did not just walk away at the first sign of his abuse and call the police to bring them into the situation. with the police present he may have then showed some respect.
no, we stood there and tried to be reasonable in the face unreasonableness. wow! we stood there and allowed another to be disrespectful and abusive toward us for what i believe was a full minute.
then we remembered this was not the first time. in our life there have been many times when we allowed another to be beligerent, hostile, and abusive with us and we stood there and took it.
we next asked ourself WHY? why do allow this? then we realized that this is exactly what both our mother and father taught us. they were our initial abusers.
so many times i stood there and watched my parents act this out before us. it began when we started elementary school, at about age 5, if not before. my mother was the offender and my father was the willing victim normally.
she would act in the same exact way the neighbor did and my father would act like i did. my God! i am so grateful to have realized this. they taught us to be a part of this sick form of relating. they were our original offenders/perpetrators.
as i have shared on this board before my mother has long shown signs of having an anxiety disorder like i do. she emotionally incested me for the first 35 years of my life. and, my father has been diagnosed with a mental illness and is an acting-out addict, workaholic. he abandoned us from birth and only played a small role in our life. Lord, it hurts much to admit this but it is all true.
so, we feel so grateful to our God for the insight we had earlier and we hope and pray we can do better the next time someone acts so poorly toward us.
we especially have had this problem in the work world. it happened at our last job. a coworker did this exact thing to us and as we had so many times before we just stood there and took it. (oh Lord God, please help us learn and grow. we need much growth. please! thank you.)
men, we are grateful to have shared this and grateful you are here to read this. next time the neighbor becomes hostile i pray i remember to call the police immediately and let them sort the problem out.
this would be much better than feeling so down that i fantasize about physically hurting someone and ourself in the process. hurting him certainly would not be worth spending time in jail and exposing myself to such harm.
please say a prayer for me men and for us all. that we can grow and learn the vital lessons we were never able to before. sincerely,
bec, feeling humble and grateful
