abuse/ where we there?

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abuse/ where we there?

yes we were there in person, yes i know that. but, what the question is here is, where we really there?

("part of me was not even there" is how i feel sometimes.)

what do you think about this question?
 
Blake,

I think it's a fine question, with different answers, depending. Depending on who's answering, which occasion, etc. I think for myself that I "was there" for much of the early stuff, and started "checking out" more and more as time went on. i have certainly had experiences as an adult where I'm barely "there" yet I've also had wonderful, fully-present experiences.....this is an interesting one.

John
 
Man I have tried to figure things out about that night that I guess will never come to me. I guess I blacked some things out and probably for a good reason. All I know is your question is a good one and the way I feel is, no I was so freaked out in my mind that I was not really there. For a 9 year old boy I had no idea what was going on and only about six or seven years ago did I really come to realize that there is no way I could have made him want to do it or wanted to do it for myself. I knew that you pissed with it and that was all I knew at 9, so how could I have contributed to his perversion, and with that said it sets me free.
 
i agree blake the part of me that took the abuse is not who i am today ,i'll never be that strong again adam
 
Blake,

yes we were there in person, yes i know that. but, what the question is here is, where we really there?
Click to expand...
It sounds like perhaps you dissociated when you were abused. I certainly did this when I was abused. As soon as he started I would find something on the wall, usually a picture, concentrate on it, and "go" to that picture mentally. Then I would make my way to a corner of the ceiling and curl up in a ball so I didn't have to see what was happening to the boy in the room below me. It was all imaginary of course, but for me at the time it was very real.

This is a common coping device among abused kids. It just goes to show how defenseless we were. We had almost no resources to defend ourselves, so we used what we had: our imaginations.

Hope this helps.

Much love,
Larry
 
A big part of my recovery journey has been to come back to my body and to fully feel whatever is that I am going thru and to respond accordingly, one way has been to constanatly increase my awareness of my own inner self and the surroundings, so that I dont switch off again and tune out of my own life just because it is too damn tuff.

Since I escaped from my body that night, I wasn't there to defend myself and perhaps that explains part of my self hatred, I wasn't there for myself. My challenge is to be there for myself, no matter how scary is might get, to hold my own hand thru the night, that has been my journey of recovery of my own self, yet I still tune off and on, while watching something intense of TV I get totally lost, as if that is real and that is one of the example when I loose my consciousness to something exteraneous...And cant connect with my inner intelligence which is always there to guide me thru the ups and downs of life.
 
I was mostly abused in our backyard by the neighbor. I can remember sometimes I would actually leave my body and start to fly up into the sky. I'd see the power lines, treetops, and my whole neighborhood. I even once remember seeing my mother hanging clothes in the other yard (our backyard was divided in two by a fence). I really had no control of where I went. I'd just keep going higher and higher and then BANG I'd be back in my body and he'd be walking away. Usually I'd be gasping for breath because he would generally knock the wind out of me when he was finished. his way of confirming he owned me and my breathing.

Dale
 
Blake you were there, we all were.
It is part of your mind that dissociates away, and denies you complex memories, and forgetting them is no way out.

I did a thread sometime about minimalisation of abuse, that is what hurts us worst of all,

ste
 
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