Abuse and being friendless

Abuse and being friendless
Kenn

One simple thing I always have trouble with, in meeting or being introduced to new people, is remembering their name. It's as if my brain snaps shut when I hear it, or tosses it out like a vending machine coughing back a perfectly fine coin.
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How many times have I heard a Survivor say something like this? Way too often...

I'm exactly the same, even to the extent of not remembering the names of people that work in our offices where I work, people that admittedly I don't have much to do with on a daily basis, but after 26 years I should know the name of the woman that process's my overtime sheet!

I can't remember the exact title of the book I'm reading at the moment either, even though I can recall details from the book.

I also have dyscalulia ( dysexia with numbers ) but I can remember the part number of the old, early 1960's, Mini Cooper cylinder head that I haven't had recourse to use for over 30 years!
But I can't remember the phone number I've had for the same length of time.

I came home about an hour ago, but did I lock the door behind me? I haven't got a clue.

My memory exasperates me, especially the names thing. I've tried associating names with other things which works a bit I must say. But the problems it causes have been with me for ever, and unfortunately it hasn't got any better since I've started healing. It's still a mystery to me why I have such a poor, and selective, memory?

Dave
 
Eddie,

I avoided this post because of the title. I have the same problem. And having no family doesn't help either.

But, slow steps. I made "office friends" with a guy at work. We've gone to lunch twice (in the year and a half I've been with this company, I had never gone out to lunch, not even alone) and it's OK. But it didn't start that way. It took many months for me to feel comfortable with this guy and realize he couldn't see "freak" written on my forehead. At first, I would scan his face for reactions to anything I said, so I wouldn't say the wrong thing. Now, I really don't care when it comes to him.

He's invited me to come to watch his daughter play a soccer game (My favorite sport!). So now it's the next step. Not just him, but his family. Small steps.

I'm there with ya, guy!

Marc
 
wow!!!
I never thought that there were other people with my name and memory problems. each person to describe their issues with memory, completely describes my issues.

kind of spooky
lee
 
Just to add:

The first 'real' friends I found, other then one person I trained with who I am better friends with now then I was then, were two Americans that I did not even know at all! When I didn't even speak English yet, and was at a sport competition. My coach at the time slapped me or something in front of people (things he would always do), and these two people were first ones to step in and say to stop it. We have been friends, the three of us, for almost 8 years now. And in this friendship, still for the first year, I did not speak English! ;) Sometime, just doing something nice for another person is a good start.

leosha
 
This is a great thread and a topic that I have been struggling with. I've finally made someone that I can both talk with on the phone and hang out with from time to time--purely non-sexual. My new "friend" is in the same recovery program as me and we have childhood SA in common. We just seem to have an understanding because of it.

I'm struggling with breaking isolation. I made it to a local coffee house today to just be around other people. I took my laptop as something to hide behind just in case I needed it and worked on a couple of musical compositions. I was scared but I finished my coffee and left without incident.

I don't know if it's going to get any easier. I hope so.

Best,
Scotty
 
eddie and all,

i too have very little or no real daily friends that i interact with daily or every other day.

i have had some school buddies-moved away, bar buddies- quit going to that bar, work buddies- got promoted or they left the company, and several acquaintences- but not real deep friends.

my issue is that i do not trust, i do not always like myself either. how can one trust and like or love close if they have not been liked, ab- used, taken advantage of, and otherwise burned?.

my t is working with me on this. i have two good friends that could be deeper. i gotta open up and trust. i gotta be human, not a facade at times.

that is right where i am today. good thread and replies.

guy
 
This thread just keeps getting better. Scotty wrote:
I'm struggling with breaking isolation. I made it to a local coffee house today to just be around other people. I took my laptop as something to hide behind just in case I needed it and worked on a couple of musical compositions. I was scared but I finished my coffee and left without incident.
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Cool! That's exactly how I began to work on some of my isolation issues in the last two years. You know what? I now can at least talk chit-chat with the coffe house employees. So, Scotty, it does get better.

The key is baby steps. I am taking one after another--the only way anyone can.

Tom
 
Possibly the ONLY good thing to have come from me going to boarding school was the way we were thrown together forced us to learn some social skills.
I certainly had very few before that as I lived in a remote country place.
But today I don't have any contact with anyone from the school, the guys I did keep in contact with have all moved away now.

So I was lucky in that I could easily talk to people, and in the jobs I've had talking was always a part of it, I'm a maintainence fitter - so I have to ask the plant guys "what've you f******g broken now?" :D

I am very lucky to have a few very close friends, male and female, that I can turn to whatever my problems.
Some of them have come about from my involvement with the Survivors charity I now work for.
I started as a casual volunteer, and things have progressed form there.

I would recommend to anyone going to a local charity that you have some interest in and offering your services, be it a cat rescue centre or an old peoples day centre.
Charities always need willing people, and the kind of people that work and volunteer for them are almost always decent people, and if you share a common interest - then you're halfway there.

By volunteering I opened up opportunities that I never dreamed of before. I started off making coffee and answering the phone, which I still do one night a week because I love doing it.
But now I meet the others there as friends.

Dave
 
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