about not beating ourselves up for not "getting over it"

[EGL]

"Think of how you would feel if the wounds you were given, the blows dealt to you, were given to a boy you loved - your son, perhaps. Would you shame him for it? Would you feel scorn that he couldn't rise about it all? No. You'd feel compassion."

The above is from a book I'm reading called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge; it's about healing the wounds we suffered as children. Do you ever feel anger or resentment with yourself because you just can't "get over it"? Put it into the above context. Would you feel that same anger or resentment if your son had suffered the same abuse as you did, and he had trouble "getting over it"? I wouldn't. It's a lot easier to beat myself up than it is someone else, particularly someone I love.

Be easy on yourselves, men.

 

[EGL]

(double post)

 

[Bobby]

Your post helps me with perspective. I indeed would have compassion for my son. At the same time, I would understand that compassion would not be enough. I would need to gently, but persistently urge him to stay on his path towards healing no matter how painful that path might be. I would stand back and let him do it on his own as long as he could, and when he faltered, I would step in and gently pull him to his feet, brush him off, dry his tears, and send him on his way again. I would do this as often as necessary until he had reached his goal. It's exactly what I did when he was learning to ride his bicycle. He still has some scratches and some scars from that experience, but he rides beautifully.

 

[Raphael]

Thank you, Bobby and EGL. To have compassion for myself is something I need to learn.

Bobby, I loved the way you described how to be compassionate.

Originally posted by Bobby:
I would stand back and let him do it on his own as long as he could, and when he faltered, I would step in and gently pull him to his feet, brush him off, dry his tears, and send him on his way again. I would do this as often as necessary until he had reached his goal. It's exactly what I did when he was learning to ride his bicycle. He still has some scratches and some scars from that experience, but he rides beautifully.

I believe that that is what God does with all of us, but then we are the ones who keep feeling bad for falling instead of taking it as part of the learning process. Thank you for reminding me of that.