a weird - surpisingly stabling thought

[duncan]

i know that sidartha said something like "life is suffering-- once you realize that it is not so impossible"
this may be troubling- but...
i am not sure if there is anything to really believe in - but if I take the ideas of my suffering and how i see the world now - having
not really been aware of so much stuff - I think I can see that suffering in others and commiserate - I do not have to accept their
behavior - but if it is acceptable enough - or
behavior I can live with .... then alright --
- I am owning my pain and my reaction - base as it may sound -- a gut reaction --- to hurt and be hurt - as that seems to be the only real thing - IT IS NOT WHAT I WANT - I want to save the peace are quietness inside for that person I am talking to next --

weird as it may sound - this is a surprisingly stabling thought -- I don't know if it works for any of you --

 

[Lloydy]

Duncan

- I am owning my pain and my reaction - base as it may sound -- a gut reaction --- to hurt and be hurt - as that seems to be the only real thing -

if you do this then you 'feel' the hurt, it becomes an emotion.
And emotion is a major part of our healing.

Once we begin to feel, and appreciate, understand, and enjoy our own emotions again we begin to understand what happened to us far better.

I don't think I ever attached ANY emotions to my abuse for the 31 yearas I denied it.
Once I began my recovery I started to live the emotions I should have felt but suppressed.
Painfull, and nearly enough to make me give up more than once, but ultimately worth it.

To cry, scream, shout, shake with fear and rage, or just sit and think quietly while I remembered my abuse was cathartic, it cleansed me.
Hard and painfull - yes, worth the effort - yes.

I now live my life enjoying emotions, even the sad ones that I've recently experienced. I got so much out of them because they are new to me, and I now realise that emotions serve a purpose, they get us through the day.

Dave