A way out of this rage?


I met someone on-line. A woman who expressed her views on feminism, female bullies, and also being autistic (I'm autistic too. So was she, apparently)

We had this topic discussion in a forum with a variety of people. When she had her say, I was mesmerised and fell in love with her opinions. They had a great impact on me to the point where, deep inside my rage, the spark ignited. That positive, radiant ember illuminated, a light I once possessed before the whole "Female bully" issue came too light.

That, and reading Alan Moore's "Lost Girls".

But it was her mainly that got me realizing: I don't want this rage anymore. Time to go back to the old days when neutrality was my best suit and most welcoming characteristic.

So I asked her if we could connect through e-mail. She responded with a "Yes". Then I requested that the moderator send us our e-mail addresses (it was an option).

That was two days ago. One day passes, no response. This morning, no response. Afternoon, same thing.

I'm frightened. So, in desperation I post a request for either of them to respond. Maybe she could post her e-mail address for me. Or whatever. Either way, I just wanted to connect as this could be my chance to finally make peace with what happened to me.

Still nothing yet. Jesus christ, why is it whenever I want to connect with someone or something, there's always a snag and I end up being back where I started with nothing? Always happens.

I don't want this rage anymore. Why doesn't anyone respond? It's been two days so far! This is a great oppertunity and now it's slipping away.

Can't imagine being alone again with this rage!