A topic I'd like to discuss to gain some insight.
Lavender Tea
Registrant
Hello lovely people that have decided to take a look at this. I have an issue that’s been nagging at me for a while that I’m not sure what to do with. As a matter of fact, I’m not sure it’s an issue at all, but the people around me can’t seem to let it go. So perhaps you could help me make sense of this all with an outside perspective.
As some of you may or may not know I was in an unhealthy relationship for many years, just over 20 years actually. And now that I’m on the outside looking in, I’ve found myself with many thoughts, opinions, and beliefs that I’m starting to see are all distorted in one way or another. One in particular that tends to often become a topic of discussion.
Before I start, I would like to clarify something first. My relationship with the man I’m going to talk about was complicated, and I’m not sure how I want to define it. Technically speaking, he was my husband. Now he has passed away and I’m not sure how I ought to refer to him. He’s not my husband anymore, but I also don’t want to refer to him as my ex-husband or ex, something about it still doesn’t feel right. Therefore, I will simply call him by his name, Michael, for the time being.
Let me explain.
Michael set many rules for me, some that to this day I don’t understand. One of these rules was that anyone that referred to me was to refer to me as Ma’am, Miss, Mrs, Madam, a woman, or as his wife. He himself referred to me as his wife and a woman as well. However, he still used he / him pronouns and had others use he / him pronouns for me as well. And if anyone asked, he would say I was male, he never denied that. I think it goes without question that it’s left me confused. Not about my gender, but just in general. I know I’m male and I am 100% comfortable with that identity, however, the thought referring to myself as a man is odd. It just doesn’t sound right. Does this make any sense at all? I suppose it may just be what I’m used to. Is this bad, is this something I need to change?
I feel like this all sounds stupid, but its been on my mind for some time now. My parents insist I use masculine words when talking about myself. My partner says he doesn’t want to tell me what to call myself and he will respect whatever I choose, however he doesn’t think it's right. And those are the only people I have in my life, so the input is limited. I feel like at this rate we have this discussion daily. Anytime the topic is brought up by anyone referring to me as anything it turns into a full-fledged argument, and I’m tired of it.
Thank you for your time, I appreciate you for reading this.
-Florence
As some of you may or may not know I was in an unhealthy relationship for many years, just over 20 years actually. And now that I’m on the outside looking in, I’ve found myself with many thoughts, opinions, and beliefs that I’m starting to see are all distorted in one way or another. One in particular that tends to often become a topic of discussion.
Before I start, I would like to clarify something first. My relationship with the man I’m going to talk about was complicated, and I’m not sure how I want to define it. Technically speaking, he was my husband. Now he has passed away and I’m not sure how I ought to refer to him. He’s not my husband anymore, but I also don’t want to refer to him as my ex-husband or ex, something about it still doesn’t feel right. Therefore, I will simply call him by his name, Michael, for the time being.
Let me explain.
Michael set many rules for me, some that to this day I don’t understand. One of these rules was that anyone that referred to me was to refer to me as Ma’am, Miss, Mrs, Madam, a woman, or as his wife. He himself referred to me as his wife and a woman as well. However, he still used he / him pronouns and had others use he / him pronouns for me as well. And if anyone asked, he would say I was male, he never denied that. I think it goes without question that it’s left me confused. Not about my gender, but just in general. I know I’m male and I am 100% comfortable with that identity, however, the thought referring to myself as a man is odd. It just doesn’t sound right. Does this make any sense at all? I suppose it may just be what I’m used to. Is this bad, is this something I need to change?
I feel like this all sounds stupid, but its been on my mind for some time now. My parents insist I use masculine words when talking about myself. My partner says he doesn’t want to tell me what to call myself and he will respect whatever I choose, however he doesn’t think it's right. And those are the only people I have in my life, so the input is limited. I feel like at this rate we have this discussion daily. Anytime the topic is brought up by anyone referring to me as anything it turns into a full-fledged argument, and I’m tired of it.
Thank you for your time, I appreciate you for reading this.
-Florence