A too-familiar story, but with a happy(?) ending
melliferal
Registrant
Long post alert.
In a folder in one of my desk drawers is a set of clippings of a rather long article which began on the front page of the December 19, 2005 edition of the New York Times. The article is entitled, Through His Webcam, a Boy Joins a Sordid Online World. This article tells the story of one Justin Berry, and his horrible experiences with a type of CSA a lot of people arent quite as familiar with as other types: child pornography.
I kept this article for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I am, unfortunately, familiar with this type of CSA those of you who read my story when I posted it here will know this. But mostly, I held on to this wonderful, horrific article because, although there are some important differences, there were times while reading it that I thought I could be looking into a mirror one that showed someone very like I was long ago, but that also showed what my future couldve been, if things had turned out differently.
Justins story started when he was 13. His mother had bought a webcam for his computer. He was used to chatting with age-mates online, and some of them had webcams after all. Unfortunately, as he broadcast his image out over the net, he attracted an audience he wasnt exactly looking for. Instead of other kids, most of the people who watched his cam were men who were quite friendly and complimentary. They seemed like cool people. One day, one of them offered to pay him $50 to sit in front of his webcam with no shirt for 3 minutes. The man even helped him set up a Paypal account, so Justin could get the money right away. Why not? Going around without a shirt is something kids do all the time for free anyway. So he did it. And that was the beginning of something that looked good at first, but ended up consuming this kids life.
One of the things that still amazes me to this day about my abuse is how easy I was strung along. It starts out little without a shirt. Big deal, right? A little while later its without pants. Or nothing at all. And then doing things. But none of this set off any sirens in my mind when it happened. The article explains this well: "The latest request was always just slightly beyond the last, so that each new step never struck him as considerably different." And this happens quick. My memory may not be the best, but if I were to hazard a guess, I would say that between the time I first met the video camera to the time I was doing things in front of it, it couldnt have been much more than three weeks tops. And I was only over their house twice or MAYBE three times a week!
So it was with Justin, as he was offered more and more money to do more and more things on his webcam. One of his new friends showed him how to make something called a public wishlist on Amazon.com. He would put up things he wanted, and his customers would buy them for him. When some people started complaining about the image quality, Justin put a new high-end model webcam on his wishlist, and people were all too happy to send it to him. The latest and greatest in computer equipment, and lots of money, went winging Justins way. He made hundreds of thousands of dollars in just a few years.
As the chat rooms became to restrictive, Justins audience helped him set up his own cam website. This young boy was given dark counsel about such things as setting monthly subscription rates. He was lured several times out of his house, to meet with strangers, where eventually he was of course molested. To surpress the horror building inside him, Justin turned to drugs.
When his divorced father contacted him from Mexico, Justin ran away to live with him. He explained to his father what he had done. His father loved loved! the idea, and help Justin set up a new site, doing the same things. Justin continued doing this until after he turned 18. He knew many people online including other children with their own illicit webcam pages, or who were being exploited on third-party illicit webcam pages.
When I read this article, I was silent for a long time afterwards. I saw a boy groomed exactly the way I was, because he was weak in all the same ways. Divorced parents, and little, if any, love or affection coming from that direction. Go to your computer (your friends house), switch on the cam (get in front of the camera), start taking off your clothes, and suddenly youve got a captive, swooning audience of people who cant wait to tell you how intelligent, adorable, and handsome you are. Youre on a pedestal, on a gilded throne. What boy would resist? What boy could resist?
I read the article, and wondered if I was seeing what couldve been. What might have happened if I hadnt moved after those few months? What wouldve happened if, say, I succumbed to a certain hypothetical urge to run and hide before it was time to go to the airport hide out at my friends parents house? They wouldve hid me I knew it then and I know it now. But what would I be like? What things would I have ended up doing?
My story ended well. I got on the plane, flew up north, and life went on. Eventually I realized I was abused, had some rough times, but still life goes on.
Life goes on for Justin, too. While online one day, Justin ran into a new customer, one who arranged for a meeting. The customer turned out to be a New York Times reporter, who was doing a story on teenage online prostitution. The reporter was able to convince Justin to give up his sordid life, and helped him get clean from drugs. He encouraged Justin to pass vital information onto the authorities things like subscriber information, but even more important, the names and locations of other underage victims. The information Justin has provided has put many people in jail where they belong, and has helped many kids out of such a miserable existence. It is a truly magnificent article, indeed.
I will not post the article here firstly, its effing HUGE; secondly, there may be copyright issues. However, I also have the article in Microsoft Word format I downloaded it from the Times website, but its not up anymore, so anyone who really wants it need only ask, and I will gladly email it to you. I dont believe there is anything specifically triggering in it but Im not easy to trigger, so dont take my word for it. But it is one of the best articles Ive read on the subject, period and I highly recommend it.
In a folder in one of my desk drawers is a set of clippings of a rather long article which began on the front page of the December 19, 2005 edition of the New York Times. The article is entitled, Through His Webcam, a Boy Joins a Sordid Online World. This article tells the story of one Justin Berry, and his horrible experiences with a type of CSA a lot of people arent quite as familiar with as other types: child pornography.
I kept this article for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I am, unfortunately, familiar with this type of CSA those of you who read my story when I posted it here will know this. But mostly, I held on to this wonderful, horrific article because, although there are some important differences, there were times while reading it that I thought I could be looking into a mirror one that showed someone very like I was long ago, but that also showed what my future couldve been, if things had turned out differently.
Justins story started when he was 13. His mother had bought a webcam for his computer. He was used to chatting with age-mates online, and some of them had webcams after all. Unfortunately, as he broadcast his image out over the net, he attracted an audience he wasnt exactly looking for. Instead of other kids, most of the people who watched his cam were men who were quite friendly and complimentary. They seemed like cool people. One day, one of them offered to pay him $50 to sit in front of his webcam with no shirt for 3 minutes. The man even helped him set up a Paypal account, so Justin could get the money right away. Why not? Going around without a shirt is something kids do all the time for free anyway. So he did it. And that was the beginning of something that looked good at first, but ended up consuming this kids life.
One of the things that still amazes me to this day about my abuse is how easy I was strung along. It starts out little without a shirt. Big deal, right? A little while later its without pants. Or nothing at all. And then doing things. But none of this set off any sirens in my mind when it happened. The article explains this well: "The latest request was always just slightly beyond the last, so that each new step never struck him as considerably different." And this happens quick. My memory may not be the best, but if I were to hazard a guess, I would say that between the time I first met the video camera to the time I was doing things in front of it, it couldnt have been much more than three weeks tops. And I was only over their house twice or MAYBE three times a week!
So it was with Justin, as he was offered more and more money to do more and more things on his webcam. One of his new friends showed him how to make something called a public wishlist on Amazon.com. He would put up things he wanted, and his customers would buy them for him. When some people started complaining about the image quality, Justin put a new high-end model webcam on his wishlist, and people were all too happy to send it to him. The latest and greatest in computer equipment, and lots of money, went winging Justins way. He made hundreds of thousands of dollars in just a few years.
As the chat rooms became to restrictive, Justins audience helped him set up his own cam website. This young boy was given dark counsel about such things as setting monthly subscription rates. He was lured several times out of his house, to meet with strangers, where eventually he was of course molested. To surpress the horror building inside him, Justin turned to drugs.
When his divorced father contacted him from Mexico, Justin ran away to live with him. He explained to his father what he had done. His father loved loved! the idea, and help Justin set up a new site, doing the same things. Justin continued doing this until after he turned 18. He knew many people online including other children with their own illicit webcam pages, or who were being exploited on third-party illicit webcam pages.
When I read this article, I was silent for a long time afterwards. I saw a boy groomed exactly the way I was, because he was weak in all the same ways. Divorced parents, and little, if any, love or affection coming from that direction. Go to your computer (your friends house), switch on the cam (get in front of the camera), start taking off your clothes, and suddenly youve got a captive, swooning audience of people who cant wait to tell you how intelligent, adorable, and handsome you are. Youre on a pedestal, on a gilded throne. What boy would resist? What boy could resist?
I read the article, and wondered if I was seeing what couldve been. What might have happened if I hadnt moved after those few months? What wouldve happened if, say, I succumbed to a certain hypothetical urge to run and hide before it was time to go to the airport hide out at my friends parents house? They wouldve hid me I knew it then and I know it now. But what would I be like? What things would I have ended up doing?
My story ended well. I got on the plane, flew up north, and life went on. Eventually I realized I was abused, had some rough times, but still life goes on.
Life goes on for Justin, too. While online one day, Justin ran into a new customer, one who arranged for a meeting. The customer turned out to be a New York Times reporter, who was doing a story on teenage online prostitution. The reporter was able to convince Justin to give up his sordid life, and helped him get clean from drugs. He encouraged Justin to pass vital information onto the authorities things like subscriber information, but even more important, the names and locations of other underage victims. The information Justin has provided has put many people in jail where they belong, and has helped many kids out of such a miserable existence. It is a truly magnificent article, indeed.
I will not post the article here firstly, its effing HUGE; secondly, there may be copyright issues. However, I also have the article in Microsoft Word format I downloaded it from the Times website, but its not up anymore, so anyone who really wants it need only ask, and I will gladly email it to you. I dont believe there is anything specifically triggering in it but Im not easy to trigger, so dont take my word for it. But it is one of the best articles Ive read on the subject, period and I highly recommend it.