a survivors poem

Mark C

Registrant
This is basically my story. Just tried to put it into words that rhymed. Not sure it qualifies as "poetry". At first what I have written here may seem negative, it is what I actually thought and felt during my years of abuse and as I tried to recover. Some core beliefs needed "readjusting" but I did get through this painful mess (when often I thought that I wouldn't) and I know that YOU can too! ... "Healing is POSSIBLE"! You are courageous to even begin to walk this road...don't ever give up!

:cool:

A SHATTERED LIFE


Long ago during adolescent days
all you did was heap on praise

It was the world I thought of you
and my family as well, who knew?

You were a priest, holy indeed
I was just a child very much in need

You explained this is love and it's okay
until you realized I was pulling away

Your obsession with me, it really grew
as you tried to isolate me from everyone I knew

You took me on trips and gave me nice things
all others were jealous of our ring

You often said without me you could not exist
I was so very afraid of this

Your temper, manipulation and absolute control
I felt I was dying, I was loosing my soul

When things were wrong you were very mad
yet in the end I was always "the bad"

Sad, angry and powerless I became
I wasn't even sure if I was still sane

Should life go on, how can I know what is true?
It was the grace of GOD which saw me through

It was time to move on so I moved out
now it was my younger brother you were about

How could I tell them? What would I say?
after all it was my fault, that's usually the way

No I couldn't tell them I will not speak
or others will know that I am a freak

It was years of silence I had to endure
lest it bring my family shame for sure

I convinced myself I am fine, everything is okay
until memories came roaring back one day

Emotions ran wild, depression was great
yet is was him…him I could not hate

I felt I was in the ocean sinking beneath each wave
what can I do, how will I be saved ?

Each night I lay awake soaked with sweat in my bed
buried memories running like a freight train through my head

Now I knew it was time to work this pain through
but who will I speak to, what shall I do?

I must tell my wife, Oh what will she think?
will this be it, is our marriage at the brink?

Years of anger, pain and confusion I endured
I felt like this many years before

Yet it was not for naught, this mental reeling
in truth it was my body healing

Yes like a shattered mirror I once felt
many splinters and pieces beyond hope for health

Healing is possible now I know it is true
with the help of others you can heal too!

For sure I am not alone, a boy robbed of my youth
it was not my fault and that is the truth

So now I say it is time to shed this shame
and to you " Padre M" I return the blame!

By Mark Crawford
 

michael Joseph

Registrant
Great Poem!

I liked it very much!

Keep seeking others for help,

reach out and get the crud out

keep the good parts in!
 

SoCalJohn

Registrant
Marc,

awesome poem, i likes it.

my favorite line *it was not my fault and that is the truth*

John
 
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