A Song to my Survivor...

[WontGiveUp]

The songs/books/movies section for survivors got me thinking- I have lots of songs that convey my thoughts, my feelings towards my husband, and how i feel about him and this struggle. I think maybe other supporters have songs that help them through as well.


This one is the one that makes me think of my husband.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoNz94fnE_M

Snows on the Sahara


Only tell me that you still want me here
When you wander off out there
To those hills of dust and hard winds that blow
In that dry white ocean alone

Lost out in the desert
You are lost out in the desert

But to stand with you in a ring of fire
I'll forget the days gone by
I'll protect your body and guard your soul
From mirages in your sight

Lost out in the desert (desert, desert...)

If your hope scatter like the dust across your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes, I'll pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the Sahara
If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the Sahara

Just a wish and I will cover your shoulders
With veils of silk and gold
When the shadows come and darken your heart
Leaving you with regrets so cold

Lost out in the desert (desert, desert...)

If your hope scatter like the dust across your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes, I'll pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the Sahara
If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above
For snow to fall on the Sahara

For snow to fall on the Sahara
For snow to fall on the Sahara
For snow to fall on the Sahara

 

[Ceremony]

That's a very tender song.

 

[jaw]

HUGS Wontgiveup & HI Ceremony!!! Here's a great poem for survivors too... Jaw
"Who will cry for the little boy, lost and all alone? Who will cry for the little boy, abandoned without his own? Who will cry for the little boy? He cried himself to sleep. Who will cry for the little boy? He never had for keeps. Who will cry for the little boy? He walked the burning sand. Who will cry for the little boy? The boy inside the man. Who will cry for the little boy? Who knows well hurt and pain. Who will cry for the little boy? He died and died again. Who will cry for the little boy? A good boy he tried to be. Who will cry for the little boy, who cries inside of me?"

 

[Ceremony]

Very nice poem jaw.

 

[dark empathy]

@Won't give up, I love the words to that one, and the feeling behind them.
@Jaw, pretty much the same, such things amaze me. i know were this last year I'd be saying "hay where's someone who feels that way about me" accept that I've now found someone who does, and it's the most amazing and precious thing in the world.

@Ceremony, Mail surviver actually is! the place to talk about these sorts of problems, including problems with your wife caused by your recovery from abuse, so feel free to share even if people can't understand.

Just on a logical level though, why can't you express this desire to your wife? I'm a little confused given that the desire for basic affection and to be loved is part of being married, is there some miss communication happening here? You talk about your wife "Pushing your buttns" but are these buttons she is herself seeing?

Perhaps this is where having a T might help, indeed I'm no expert on couples therapy but maybe if there is a problem in your relationship your wife could consider seeing a t as well, either the same or different, or at least you discuss this with a T.
The one promise my wife and I have made to each other is to always be honest about anything, so if something is a problem, we talk about it and try to do something about it rather than either of us having to endure in silence, (and since we're both rather naturally inclined to just put up with things this is something which is sometimes rather hard).

As regards therapists,well there are definitely good and bad ones, however one problem with therapy is that it takes several sessions to get anywhere. A friend of mine who has worked as a humanistic councillor actually once told me a good many of her clients dislike her for the first few sessions just because of the intimacy. I do know myself that with the one good T, while he was very easy to talk to and get out a lot of anger and resentment, he's not someone I could ever imagine being friends with, indeed we probably could! have been friends if not for him doing councilling and me basically using him like a dumping ground for all sorts of crap, heck the sessions with him were exhausting, heavily emotional and sometimes quite explosive, certainly not fun, I used to walk out feeling like I'd taken a purgative and had been violently sick, getting rid of lots of poison, or at least getting it out of my system.

Indeed one of the best things he actually pointed out to me was hell yes! I was justified in my dislike of society since society had! in fact been pretty shitty to me, abuse, isolation etc. he didn't have any options, but I did feel vindicated. Actually I did rather want to tell him that I was now married given that my emvy of everyone who had relationships (especially women), was a fairly major theme in our discussions.
so Ceremony, while bad therapists certainly exist and can be highly unpleasant, I wouldn't assume yours is a bad one just based on one session sinsce even with a good one therapy is far from being the "oh lets share our feelings! and talk about the flowers and rainbows and inner spirit of eternal niceness" type of thing which popular culture often portrays it as. It's harsh, gritty, and often extremely nasty, but hopefully worth it in the end, ---- hell that could pretty much go for most of recovery.

Luke.