A Series That Resonates with My Story (Horror Genre)
bluesteel
Registrant
There's a favorite song of mine that I love for so many reasons (not just related to abuse). It's called 'Tear You Apart' by She Wants Revenge (2006 - it really doesn't feel like a 2006 song though), listening to this song reminded me of a scene from a season of American Horror Story and picking it apart today, I really wanted to share some of how it relates to my story and I think this may resonate with some of you too.
Context: A big thing my friends and I used to do in college was watch American Horror Story every Wednesday. AHS is a series where the plot and premise change each season. One year the theme could be ghosts, the next an asylum, so forth. It is always very sexual and a bit campy but also very gory and USED TO have a good story. The fifth season is called 'Hotel' and is about a haunted hotel that has a dark past of sex, abuse, murder, and the paranormal. The hotel is ran by a vampire that is over 100 years old and played by Lady Gaga who does an amazing job being creepy. I particularly was excited for this season because I have been a huge Gaga fan since day 1. I know it's girly pop, but still, growing up when I did, we didn't really have a lot of great music, but she was something different for me especially when questioning my sexuality or when I needed a pick me up because of other trauma and I could get a catchy pop beat with really deep lyrics to mull over. I also think she is incredibly sexy, smart, and beautiful, I know most people don't think "sexy" when she comes to mind, but I was slightly crushed during the Olympics when I found out she was engaged. I also do have a thing for slightly older women. Okay, context over, I'm going to move into how it relates.
AHS Hotel: The premise of AHS Hotel is a Hotel in California, the hotel was designed by a psychopath to be the perfect murder hide out (based on a real story). But once you die in the hotel, you stay stuck as a ghost forever. There are a few monsters, ghosts, etc in the series, but the main focus is on vampires. Hypersexual vampires and they use sex apps like grindr to 'hunt' for victims to suck their blood. Gaga is the main vampire, she owns the hotel. She usually will turn someone into a vampire (it is described as a virus) and she hunts with them for a few years until she gets bored of them. She is also polyamorous and extremely hypersexual, but elegant and powerful. She used to not hold any power but now she does. I think the symbolism I'm picking needs little to no explanation or connection.
Most people she kills or leaves, but she has children that she has turned into vampires so they can stay children forever. Her children. She uses them for her own purpose. The kids get everything they want, video games, candy, toys. All they have to do is "donate" blood (in their world building, vampires drinking other vampires blood makes them stronger and Gaga is the head vampire). There is a scene where she explains the kids a bit further. People say she kidnapped and hurt them but she fights back and says "no, they were being neglected, they wanted it, they called to me and they made the choice" I think there's a bit about how the kids hearts sang out to her or something and she knew to go to them. They show an example with a specific child, she shows up out of nowhere, the kid is with his dad happy. She looks at him and reaches out a hand he walks to her willingly and she leaves with him, takes him back to the "childrens room" at the hotel and transforms him into a forever child. When he leaves to go back to his real family, he gets sick and needs to go back to Gaga.
There is also a room in the hotel with a secret beast that needs to be fed. It is Gaga's deepest darkest secret and nobody is allowed in that special room. (won't spoil that)
Tear You Apart: The song connects to the show directly, I will post some links and the lyrics at the end. There is a scene where they do the whole song of 'Tear You Apart' and show what she does, it is actually how we are introduced to Gaga's character (its not her singing in case you were wondering). I tried to find the ENTIRE scene but I cannot, the video skips the last 20 seconds at the end with the murder.
The scene starts out with a sexy neon sign that says "why are we not having sex right now?" in Gaga's bedroom. Gaga and her co-hunter are getting ready. They are putting on make up clothes etc. Gaga does cocaine (not sure if that's in the youtube version) but she is touching and rubbing herself aggressively. They are all ready for a night out. They go to a graveyard. Turns out there is a movie night in the graveyard. They are watching Nosferatu (original, but if you are interested, recommend the most recent release).
Gaga makes eyes at another couple and when they look at her they lock eyes, she hypnotizes them the same way she did the kids, but this time sexual. They cut to the next scene, it is at the hotel they're drunk, high and having fun. They go upstairs and all start getting ready to fuck. (this is when the video ends that I can find, copyright I guess) Then Gaga leaves and re-enters wearing like the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I rewatched this recently and new fantasy unlocked for me. She is really tranquil and relaxed, they start getting hotter and heavier and then she jumps up, fangs come out and if you like gore, you will be very pleased with what she does.
Majority of the Opening "Hunt" Scene:
Song Lyrics (with notes of my interpretation):
Quotes are the lyrics, non-quotes are my notes:
"Got a big plan, this mindset, maybe it's right" - I feel like this a lot
"At the right place and right time, maybe tonight" - I have high standards so my hypersexual conquests are more or less like 'hmm maybe its not right'
"And the whisper or handshake, sending a sign" - A secret signal, I like it when its subtle
"Wanna make out and kiss hard? Wait never mind" - when it comes to people I actually care about I feel like this, like oh wait never mind
"Late night in passing, mentioned it flipped
To her best friend, it's nothing, maybe it's slipped" - I like when someone kinda hints they like me it idk, in reality with someone I'm shy
"But the slip turns to terror and a crush to like
Then she walked in, he froze up, believe it's the fright: - If I have a crush, it seems impossible...
"It's cute in a way 'til you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette and knees get weak" - I run to go outside sometimes in those situations, I used to smoke and vape
"Escape was just a nod and a casual wave
Obsess about it heavy for the next two days" - I like to run away, I will then obsess over getting a 0.000001% success
"It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others, it'll go away" - I've kind of gotten to a point where I hate crushes and romantic feels and just focus on supressing
"Or maybe this is danger, and he just don't know" - I feel this, having feelings for someone can feel dangerous for me
"You pray it all away, but it continues to grow" - me 100%
"I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"" - This is the sexy aggressive bit that I love, I want to tear you apart, I want to whisper that into someone's ear
"Then he walked up and told her, thinking maybe it's passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt, and then they locked in a stare" - the dance and the awkwardness, overcoming feelings of real attraction
"They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do?
'Cause there's always repercussions when you're dating in school" I think that most of my relationships have been like this, blown up in a big way
"But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last" - Exactly, will this be more like can I make this a one off
"Either way, he wanted her and this was bad
Wanted to do things to her, it was making him crazy" - I know this feeling so well
"Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her" - if I like someone like like like them, I need her to be submissive
Chorus/Refrain:
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
Final thoughts
Got a big plan, this mindset, maybe it's right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
And the whisper or handshake, sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard? Wait never mind
Late night in passing, mentioned it flipped
To her best friend, it's nothing, maybe it's slipped
But the slip turns to terror and a crush to like
Then she walked in, he froze up, believe it's the fright
It's cute in a way 'til you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette and knees get weak
Escape was just a nod and a casual wave
Obsess about it heavy for the next two days
It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others, it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger, and he just don't know
You pray it all away, but it continues to grow
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
Then he walked up and told her, thinking maybe it's passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt, and then they locked in a stare
They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do?
'Cause there's always repercussions when you're dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last
Either way, he wanted her and this was bad
Wanted to do things to her, it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
Final Thoughts
This show and scene resonate with my feelings so much, there are hints to my story. I also want to mention this season is also focused on the Ten Commandments. Which for me is important, especially lust. I am also Catholic so it resonates.
I think that the themes of lust, violence, abuse, living forever, death all resonate with me. I also love the song, the horror, etc. The hunting scene and later scenes with hunting on grindr really spoke to me.
Context: A big thing my friends and I used to do in college was watch American Horror Story every Wednesday. AHS is a series where the plot and premise change each season. One year the theme could be ghosts, the next an asylum, so forth. It is always very sexual and a bit campy but also very gory and USED TO have a good story. The fifth season is called 'Hotel' and is about a haunted hotel that has a dark past of sex, abuse, murder, and the paranormal. The hotel is ran by a vampire that is over 100 years old and played by Lady Gaga who does an amazing job being creepy. I particularly was excited for this season because I have been a huge Gaga fan since day 1. I know it's girly pop, but still, growing up when I did, we didn't really have a lot of great music, but she was something different for me especially when questioning my sexuality or when I needed a pick me up because of other trauma and I could get a catchy pop beat with really deep lyrics to mull over. I also think she is incredibly sexy, smart, and beautiful, I know most people don't think "sexy" when she comes to mind, but I was slightly crushed during the Olympics when I found out she was engaged. I also do have a thing for slightly older women. Okay, context over, I'm going to move into how it relates.
AHS Hotel: The premise of AHS Hotel is a Hotel in California, the hotel was designed by a psychopath to be the perfect murder hide out (based on a real story). But once you die in the hotel, you stay stuck as a ghost forever. There are a few monsters, ghosts, etc in the series, but the main focus is on vampires. Hypersexual vampires and they use sex apps like grindr to 'hunt' for victims to suck their blood. Gaga is the main vampire, she owns the hotel. She usually will turn someone into a vampire (it is described as a virus) and she hunts with them for a few years until she gets bored of them. She is also polyamorous and extremely hypersexual, but elegant and powerful. She used to not hold any power but now she does. I think the symbolism I'm picking needs little to no explanation or connection.
Most people she kills or leaves, but she has children that she has turned into vampires so they can stay children forever. Her children. She uses them for her own purpose. The kids get everything they want, video games, candy, toys. All they have to do is "donate" blood (in their world building, vampires drinking other vampires blood makes them stronger and Gaga is the head vampire). There is a scene where she explains the kids a bit further. People say she kidnapped and hurt them but she fights back and says "no, they were being neglected, they wanted it, they called to me and they made the choice" I think there's a bit about how the kids hearts sang out to her or something and she knew to go to them. They show an example with a specific child, she shows up out of nowhere, the kid is with his dad happy. She looks at him and reaches out a hand he walks to her willingly and she leaves with him, takes him back to the "childrens room" at the hotel and transforms him into a forever child. When he leaves to go back to his real family, he gets sick and needs to go back to Gaga.
There is also a room in the hotel with a secret beast that needs to be fed. It is Gaga's deepest darkest secret and nobody is allowed in that special room. (won't spoil that)
Tear You Apart: The song connects to the show directly, I will post some links and the lyrics at the end. There is a scene where they do the whole song of 'Tear You Apart' and show what she does, it is actually how we are introduced to Gaga's character (its not her singing in case you were wondering). I tried to find the ENTIRE scene but I cannot, the video skips the last 20 seconds at the end with the murder.
The scene starts out with a sexy neon sign that says "why are we not having sex right now?" in Gaga's bedroom. Gaga and her co-hunter are getting ready. They are putting on make up clothes etc. Gaga does cocaine (not sure if that's in the youtube version) but she is touching and rubbing herself aggressively. They are all ready for a night out. They go to a graveyard. Turns out there is a movie night in the graveyard. They are watching Nosferatu (original, but if you are interested, recommend the most recent release).
Gaga makes eyes at another couple and when they look at her they lock eyes, she hypnotizes them the same way she did the kids, but this time sexual. They cut to the next scene, it is at the hotel they're drunk, high and having fun. They go upstairs and all start getting ready to fuck. (this is when the video ends that I can find, copyright I guess) Then Gaga leaves and re-enters wearing like the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I rewatched this recently and new fantasy unlocked for me. She is really tranquil and relaxed, they start getting hotter and heavier and then she jumps up, fangs come out and if you like gore, you will be very pleased with what she does.
Majority of the Opening "Hunt" Scene:
Song Lyrics (with notes of my interpretation):
Quotes are the lyrics, non-quotes are my notes:
"Got a big plan, this mindset, maybe it's right" - I feel like this a lot
"At the right place and right time, maybe tonight" - I have high standards so my hypersexual conquests are more or less like 'hmm maybe its not right'
"And the whisper or handshake, sending a sign" - A secret signal, I like it when its subtle
"Wanna make out and kiss hard? Wait never mind" - when it comes to people I actually care about I feel like this, like oh wait never mind
"Late night in passing, mentioned it flipped
To her best friend, it's nothing, maybe it's slipped" - I like when someone kinda hints they like me it idk, in reality with someone I'm shy
"But the slip turns to terror and a crush to like
Then she walked in, he froze up, believe it's the fright: - If I have a crush, it seems impossible...
"It's cute in a way 'til you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette and knees get weak" - I run to go outside sometimes in those situations, I used to smoke and vape
"Escape was just a nod and a casual wave
Obsess about it heavy for the next two days" - I like to run away, I will then obsess over getting a 0.000001% success
"It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others, it'll go away" - I've kind of gotten to a point where I hate crushes and romantic feels and just focus on supressing
"Or maybe this is danger, and he just don't know" - I feel this, having feelings for someone can feel dangerous for me
"You pray it all away, but it continues to grow" - me 100%
"I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"" - This is the sexy aggressive bit that I love, I want to tear you apart, I want to whisper that into someone's ear
"Then he walked up and told her, thinking maybe it's passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt, and then they locked in a stare" - the dance and the awkwardness, overcoming feelings of real attraction
"They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do?
'Cause there's always repercussions when you're dating in school" I think that most of my relationships have been like this, blown up in a big way
"But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last" - Exactly, will this be more like can I make this a one off
"Either way, he wanted her and this was bad
Wanted to do things to her, it was making him crazy" - I know this feeling so well
"Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her" - if I like someone like like like them, I need her to be submissive
Chorus/Refrain:
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
Final thoughts
Got a big plan, this mindset, maybe it's right
At the right place and right time, maybe tonight
And the whisper or handshake, sending a sign
Wanna make out and kiss hard? Wait never mind
Late night in passing, mentioned it flipped
To her best friend, it's nothing, maybe it's slipped
But the slip turns to terror and a crush to like
Then she walked in, he froze up, believe it's the fright
It's cute in a way 'til you cannot speak
And you leave to have a cigarette and knees get weak
Escape was just a nod and a casual wave
Obsess about it heavy for the next two days
It's only just a crush, it'll go away
It's just like all the others, it'll go away
Or maybe this is danger, and he just don't know
You pray it all away, but it continues to grow
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
Then he walked up and told her, thinking maybe it's passed
And they talked and looked away a lot, doing the dance
Her hand brushed up against his, she left it there
Told him how she felt, and then they locked in a stare
They took a step back, thought about it, what should they do?
'Cause there's always repercussions when you're dating in school
But their lips met, and reservations started to pass
Whether this was just an evening or a thing that would last
Either way, he wanted her and this was bad
Wanted to do things to her, it was making him crazy
Now a little crush turned into a like
And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
I want to hold you close, skin pressed against me tight
Lie still, close your eyes girl
So lovely, it feels so right
I want to hold you close, soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear, "I want to fucking tear you apart"
Final Thoughts
This show and scene resonate with my feelings so much, there are hints to my story. I also want to mention this season is also focused on the Ten Commandments. Which for me is important, especially lust. I am also Catholic so it resonates.
I think that the themes of lust, violence, abuse, living forever, death all resonate with me. I also love the song, the horror, etc. The hunting scene and later scenes with hunting on grindr really spoke to me.
