a sensative topic...maybe
a sensative topic...maybe
- Thread starterkuurt
- Start date
Morning Star
Registrant
Self harm may be linked with self hate but truly it is an act of self denial. It is a means to release energy that you cannot process or vent properlt so it comes out with any form available, Lots of people are aware of banging thier head against the wall, literally and metaphorically, and that exactly what self hurting is about, venting at someone who has no resistance against you, which in this case is your own body.
Self hurt begins when you cant vent your frustration in a valid way, or are used to supressing it, that is when it gets toxic and destructive and comes out explosively when you cant do anything.
Try screaming when you feel the need to.
But to really stop, know that unless you address the issue of self hate arising from self blame, you cannot effectively cure it.
Also start some self nurturing exercises that would soothe you while you are on your healing curve.
Self hurt begins when you cant vent your frustration in a valid way, or are used to supressing it, that is when it gets toxic and destructive and comes out explosively when you cant do anything.
Try screaming when you feel the need to.
But to really stop, know that unless you address the issue of self hate arising from self blame, you cannot effectively cure it.
Also start some self nurturing exercises that would soothe you while you are on your healing curve.
Morning Star
Registrant
When you find, you are unable to handle immediately walk out of the scene where you are liable to hurt yourself. Call someone who would listen to you or vent on paper or out here.
reality2k4
Registrant
Kuurt,
self harm takes many forms, including the things you mention.
I used to pierce with needles and burn also, but none of it can take away the hurt.
Self abuse happens everywhere, like the guy who brawls to let out anger, the guy who robs to get drugs, each landing themselves in prison etc.
I guess I just felt so angry as a kid, not being able to get at this huge sore which was my mind.
I had to find ways of dealing with the anger without hurting myself or others.
Doing positive things like hobbies or going to the gym, walking, etc.
Try and find something to take your mind off the hurt, and find the true "YOU".
Hope this helps,
ste
self harm takes many forms, including the things you mention.
I used to pierce with needles and burn also, but none of it can take away the hurt.
Self abuse happens everywhere, like the guy who brawls to let out anger, the guy who robs to get drugs, each landing themselves in prison etc.
I guess I just felt so angry as a kid, not being able to get at this huge sore which was my mind.
I had to find ways of dealing with the anger without hurting myself or others.
Doing positive things like hobbies or going to the gym, walking, etc.
Try and find something to take your mind off the hurt, and find the true "YOU".
Hope this helps,
ste
Morning Star
Registrant
One of safest ways of venting would be crying, when you can cry out all your emotional backlog. Because underneath all that anger, rage and frustration lies just pain, vent it all using your tears as the release nature has provided us with, so wisely.
As someone posted here: Who would cry for that Little boy. May be if you can do that, you'd feel much better, and no longer feel the need to hurt him.
As someone posted here: Who would cry for that Little boy. May be if you can do that, you'd feel much better, and no longer feel the need to hurt him.
Morning Star
Registrant
I remember as a child, not being allowed to cry, as the neighbours would know.
It was not until I started crying at sad movies, I realised I was actually crying for myself, as I saw myself as every sad character. Empathy can be a great healer, but lately I have learned to be selective, my life is no so sad. And I am getting better.
It was not until I started crying at sad movies, I realised I was actually crying for myself, as I saw myself as every sad character. Empathy can be a great healer, but lately I have learned to be selective, my life is no so sad. And I am getting better.
Kuurt:
Take a look at:
https://www.malesurvivor.org/Professionals/Articles/singer2.htm
A lot of abuse survivors hurt themselves. I consult to an adolescent drug treatment program. At least half of the kids there have abuse histories. Just about every cutter and self-abusive person I've seen there was sexually abused. Unfortunately, self-harm is a major symptom and a not so good way of dealing with the underlying abuse.
If you have a therapist, share this with him/her. S/he can help you develop other ways to deal with the feelings so you don't hurt yourself.
Ken
Take a look at:
https://www.malesurvivor.org/Professionals/Articles/singer2.htm
A lot of abuse survivors hurt themselves. I consult to an adolescent drug treatment program. At least half of the kids there have abuse histories. Just about every cutter and self-abusive person I've seen there was sexually abused. Unfortunately, self-harm is a major symptom and a not so good way of dealing with the underlying abuse.
If you have a therapist, share this with him/her. S/he can help you develop other ways to deal with the feelings so you don't hurt yourself.
Ken
Kuurt
Over the years I have met a lot of people who have self harmed. I briefly did in my early twenties but found (for me) that narcotics was a better way for me to deal with my problems.
Alot of "Goth" kids used to cut themselves with razors. For some it was a real cry for help, for others it was to fit in with the gloomy goth image.
So the genuine ones got lost among the attention seeking fashion victims.
What I know from friends is that cutting or burning hurts. ('scuse my french) Its fucking painful.
The real pain from doing that takes away the persons attention from the internal pain they feel. It draws them out from their problems and brings them into the real word again.
I would like to raise 1 point from what Ken said, not all self harmers are victims of sexual abuse.
People do it for many reasons, a friend of mine a long time ago had a form of mental illness and cut himself.
Recently I've read that some T's advocate self harm as a method of treatment, although they dont say use a cigarette or razor.
They say that holding an ice cube on your skin for a long time gives the same effect, as does flicking your skin with an elastic band. Both give similar relief but dont actually damage your body in any way.
I dont advocate self harm or drugs (except weed) as a coping mechanism. Its all pretty self defeating, although it does provide temporary relief.
The hardest and most painful thing to do is when your ready, to face all your demons and do what needs doing.
It took me 20 years, but Im nearly there. Your young, start now and hopefully you wont waste 1/3rd of your life like I have done.
We are all here to support you, good luck on your quest.
Over the years I have met a lot of people who have self harmed. I briefly did in my early twenties but found (for me) that narcotics was a better way for me to deal with my problems.
Alot of "Goth" kids used to cut themselves with razors. For some it was a real cry for help, for others it was to fit in with the gloomy goth image.
So the genuine ones got lost among the attention seeking fashion victims.
What I know from friends is that cutting or burning hurts. ('scuse my french) Its fucking painful.
The real pain from doing that takes away the persons attention from the internal pain they feel. It draws them out from their problems and brings them into the real word again.
I would like to raise 1 point from what Ken said, not all self harmers are victims of sexual abuse.
People do it for many reasons, a friend of mine a long time ago had a form of mental illness and cut himself.
Recently I've read that some T's advocate self harm as a method of treatment, although they dont say use a cigarette or razor.
They say that holding an ice cube on your skin for a long time gives the same effect, as does flicking your skin with an elastic band. Both give similar relief but dont actually damage your body in any way.
I dont advocate self harm or drugs (except weed) as a coping mechanism. Its all pretty self defeating, although it does provide temporary relief.
The hardest and most painful thing to do is when your ready, to face all your demons and do what needs doing.
It took me 20 years, but Im nearly there. Your young, start now and hopefully you wont waste 1/3rd of your life like I have done.
We are all here to support you, good luck on your quest.
roadrunner
Registrant
Kurt,
There are lots of reasons proposed for why abused kids cut or otherwise hurt themselves. In some cases the kid had suppressed all his feelings and needs to feel SOMETHING. In other cases he cuts because it empowers him; that is, he is recreating the pain, but at least now he is in control. And so on.
Did you read Ken's article? It explains the problem really well, but it's written for adults. If you have any questions, just take them up with Ken or Scotty Todd. The both work with abused kids.
It's a brave thing for you to discuss this. You are learning to do something that so many survivors find difficult. You are learning to ask for the help you need without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. That's great, and I hope you will continue.
Much love,
Larry
There are lots of reasons proposed for why abused kids cut or otherwise hurt themselves. In some cases the kid had suppressed all his feelings and needs to feel SOMETHING. In other cases he cuts because it empowers him; that is, he is recreating the pain, but at least now he is in control. And so on.
Did you read Ken's article? It explains the problem really well, but it's written for adults. If you have any questions, just take them up with Ken or Scotty Todd. The both work with abused kids.
It's a brave thing for you to discuss this. You are learning to do something that so many survivors find difficult. You are learning to ask for the help you need without feeling embarrassed or ashamed. That's great, and I hope you will continue.
Much love,
Larry
I was about six when I started I continued into my twenties. I used to bang my head as a kid and later cut and burned myself among other things. I kept it secret and if anyone noticed marks I told lies about how it happened, I was very in denial about it like everything else. From what I remember about it at times I would feel frozen and hazy and the self-harm would sort of defrost me or bring me back. I usually did it in a trancelike state. The other part of it for me was about self-punishment and anger directed at myself. I did it because it made me feel better for a while but I was ashamed and hated that I did it and it made me feel worse about myself in the long run, its really treating oneself like the perps did. For me I was perpetuating the cycle, I am bad so I hurt myself and I feel worse about myself. When I saw what I was doing to myself by talking about it and understood why it was bad for me I weaned myself off the habit. I would postpone it hour to hour until the urge left. I know someone who uses ice cubes and that works for them.
Its different for different people, but its good to be open about it with people who can understand.
Take care Kuurt,
Peter.
Its different for different people, but its good to be open about it with people who can understand.
Take care Kuurt,
Peter.
Born to Resist
Registrant
Kurt,
The times I have self harmed have been about feeling physical pain that would distract me at least for a moment from the emotional pain. My main form of self harm would be punching things (concrete walls) bare knuckled or exercising to exhaustion (feeling physical pain during exercise relieve the emotional pain). The underlying issue for me is not dealing with the emotional pain in a healthy manner with a therapist or a support group. Since seeing a therapist and joing a support group things are better.
For me its also kinda like that song "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails which Johnny Cash does a cover of. "I hurt myself today to see if I could bleed" It's like feeling so much emotional pain that we can't feel anything else or times we totally numb out our feelings (emotional and physical) so we hurt oursleves to see if we are alive to see if we feel anything ... just how I take the song.
Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
The times I have self harmed have been about feeling physical pain that would distract me at least for a moment from the emotional pain. My main form of self harm would be punching things (concrete walls) bare knuckled or exercising to exhaustion (feeling physical pain during exercise relieve the emotional pain). The underlying issue for me is not dealing with the emotional pain in a healthy manner with a therapist or a support group. Since seeing a therapist and joing a support group things are better.
For me its also kinda like that song "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails which Johnny Cash does a cover of. "I hurt myself today to see if I could bleed" It's like feeling so much emotional pain that we can't feel anything else or times we totally numb out our feelings (emotional and physical) so we hurt oursleves to see if we are alive to see if we feel anything ... just how I take the song.
Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality