A Sad Father's Day


Received this note from someone I know. I had met Dave once or twice--happy fun loving guy. The message is we never know when the end will be, we need to live life fully to the best we can. We need to love those who loved others.

"Yesterday, I was at the softball field all day, an early Father's Day present for me since tomorrow will be spent seeing my Dad and Aimee's Dad.

I got in the car to head home at the end of the day, which is when I picked up the phone and saw the text...

It was from my mom.

She was watching my kids and my sister's kids all day because my sister and her husband were busy moving into a new place.

Mike, my brother-in-law...had rallied his troops to help out with the move.

One of his troops was a guy named Dave. Dave & Mike are actually cousins, as well as extremely close friends.

I've gotten to know Dave over the last year or so...and from what I can tell, he's an amazing dude...an amazing husband...and an amazing father of 3 year old twins.

One of the most geniune and easy to talk to guys I've met.

As I read the text my heart sank.

As Dave was helping my sister and her husband move, his heart failed...and he passed away a few hours later at the hospital.

Today, his wife and kids don't have their dad to celebrate.

Things like this shouldn't happen. But they do, and far too often.

Kids shouldn't grow up without their dad. A wife shouldn't lose her husband like this.

It's times like this when you realize how fragile life is.

If you're dad is still alive today, treat today like the last Father's Day you might have with him.

If he's not, throw up a prayer because he's definitely listening.

Either way, for dads or moms, for friends or family...remember how short life can be...and spend every moment with your loves ones like it's your last.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there."


Incredibly sad, Kevin.

This story also made me reflect on what an incredible father my SO is. In spite of everything, a father who abused him in every sense of the word, he has tirelessly been the father that he should have had to his children ... Fiercely protective, supportive and loving. They fortunately will never know the pain my SO endures everyday.


My sadness deepens. I just learned a cousins wife passed today from cancer. When I lived in Ireland my cousin Paddy and I had a grand time. He was full of life and as the Irish say a bullox and we could laugh about the antics. We had wonderful times and he always welcomed me into his home. His wife passed from cancer, recently diagnosed. It has been a tough day--too much sadness and those that live do not understand the devastation of loss. I am sorry to burden MS with my troubles.
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Kevin, I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes there’s no way of making sense of the way of things. You could never burden.
I recall volunteering at a non-profit that ran a grief counseling program. My first assignment was to mail letters to survivors telling them about the free counseling available. Each week I received a stack of death certificates from the County coroner. At that time I'd known very few deaths... grandparents, a high school friend killed by a hit and run driver, a couple of co-workers. I wasn't quite prepared for what I saw each week. I read each certificate... age, cause of death, work, family... then sent a letter. I had to make a quick calculation because that is how my mind works... 6 billion people living an average of sixty years (to make the math easy) means 100,000,000 die EACH YEAR.

Knowing the enormity of the statistics doesn't soften the blow of the one death before us in the moment, but it is a reminder as Kevin said of the fragility of life. At 77 years of age I'm very aware that each day is a gift. I certainly do what I can to maintain good health but nothing I do will save me from the reality this life will come to an end. It is at once humbling and inspiring... in the sense that the only moment I can count on is this one. What I do with it matters... giving and receiving love, practicing kindness and generosity, living with gratitude... which can be difficult while unpacking the pain of the past... but that is our work with the sexual abuse we experienced.

Sorry for your loss Kevin, for all of the losses all of us have experienced. Grieving seems an essential aspect of being human. I try to do it well.


Hello, Kevin. Sorry to learn of your compounded loss. As we know, it's never welcome, yet death is part and parcel of this whole human gig. By this age, I'm 10 years younger than the Visitor who posted just above me, we have, or at least I have experienced death. The first was our first son - born dead. Then shortly thereafter my grandparents then my Dad, then my inlaws in just a few years. You want to ask, "Can we stop now so I can catch my breath?" But it doesn't listen.
Yes, each day is a gift - I get to eat breakfast across the table from my wife of 37 years. We had 3 great children who have become terrific adults. With all of her health problems and the physical discomfort that borders on pain each day, my wife is still with me. I own a Thunderbird that is so damn much fun to drive, so I do get some fun weekend afternoons, we own our home, I'm in ok health and we live in a small town near huge mountains in Washington State. So very blessed!
This post broke my heart. Losing a dad like that. But Father's Day to me is just a painful reminder of what I didn't have. My dad abandoned us when I was two, setting the stage for my mom to eventually marry my first step-father two years later. And he was the one who initiated the abuse.

So, Father's Day to me is nothing but a reminder that my dad left and then the evil started.

To all of you Dads out there that love and protect your kids, I wish you a Happy Belated Father's day. You are true heroes.