a rant, sort of
Okay, this is a sort of rant, but now someone has made me mad....it was me. I was reading a list that someone had made of the things that he hated about his life. I could relate in some way to almost everything he said. Then I got to thinking about how many similar lists I have seen since I have been coming here, and how all of them have pretty much the same tone. Now, you think I'm going to say, "Just snap out of it! You're a good person! Think about the positive side!" Nope. I'd never say that to anyone here. Saying those things is such an over-simplification. How many days have I started out that way? "Today, I'm going to be different. Today I'm going to be self-confident. Today, I'm going to be who I am and to hell with what the world thinks." I've done everything but walk out of the front door singing "I Did It My Way". Well, maybe one moring I did that, but I don't want to think about it. But it did start me to thinking about a different list I could make about what I see in the men here. We have other similarities...some that I'm very proud of.
We are caring.
We are loving.
We are giving.
We are feeling.
We have insight.
We are problem solvers.
We are patient.
We are careful with the feelings of others.
We are thoughtful.
We are intelligent.
We want to learn about the things that affect us.
We are healers
We are philosophers.
We are open.
We are not judgmental.
We accept each other for who we really are...in fact, we will tolerate nothing else.
We want to hear the stories of others, to feel their pain, because we know it is a necessary part of their healing process, even though it may trigger our own anguish.
We literally change each others' lives for the better, most of the time without even realizing it.
And I'm sure there are many other positive things I've left out. It's true that sexual abuse has hurt us deeply, made our lives difficult, in many cases so difficult that we've tried to end them. But look at the positive qualities that I have listed that I find in almost everyone of you....qualities that, because of you, have become stronger in me. Be fair. If you're going to make a list of all of the things that you find negative about yourself, you have to put the list of the positive things right beside it.
At my church the women brought out a picture entitled "The Midwives". It shows how the generations of women have always been there for one another in a caring, loving fashion in the past, and will always be there for one another through eternity. It is a beautiful painting. Women find much comfort in how they care for one another and how loving they are and close and how wonderful it is to be a woman and share all of that. To me the implication is always that men in their "machoness" can never know that kind of experience. I didn't say anything, but inside I was thinking: "You don't have the corner on all of that, ladies. I know a place where there are men like that....men who have learned the value of caring,loving, support, kindness, nurturing...all of those things. They have learned through pain how important those things are to healing, and that what sex you are has absolutely nothing to do with it. It is an amazing place, and if you ever had an opportunity to go there, your idea of a man's potential for kindness and caring could never be the same."
Bobby
We are caring.
We are loving.
We are giving.
We are feeling.
We have insight.
We are problem solvers.
We are patient.
We are careful with the feelings of others.
We are thoughtful.
We are intelligent.
We want to learn about the things that affect us.
We are healers
We are philosophers.
We are open.
We are not judgmental.
We accept each other for who we really are...in fact, we will tolerate nothing else.
We want to hear the stories of others, to feel their pain, because we know it is a necessary part of their healing process, even though it may trigger our own anguish.
We literally change each others' lives for the better, most of the time without even realizing it.
And I'm sure there are many other positive things I've left out. It's true that sexual abuse has hurt us deeply, made our lives difficult, in many cases so difficult that we've tried to end them. But look at the positive qualities that I have listed that I find in almost everyone of you....qualities that, because of you, have become stronger in me. Be fair. If you're going to make a list of all of the things that you find negative about yourself, you have to put the list of the positive things right beside it.
At my church the women brought out a picture entitled "The Midwives". It shows how the generations of women have always been there for one another in a caring, loving fashion in the past, and will always be there for one another through eternity. It is a beautiful painting. Women find much comfort in how they care for one another and how loving they are and close and how wonderful it is to be a woman and share all of that. To me the implication is always that men in their "machoness" can never know that kind of experience. I didn't say anything, but inside I was thinking: "You don't have the corner on all of that, ladies. I know a place where there are men like that....men who have learned the value of caring,loving, support, kindness, nurturing...all of those things. They have learned through pain how important those things are to healing, and that what sex you are has absolutely nothing to do with it. It is an amazing place, and if you ever had an opportunity to go there, your idea of a man's potential for kindness and caring could never be the same."
Bobby
