a rant but willing to try once again

a rant but willing to try once again
D

Dewey

Registrant
I was wondering if anyone has coping mecanisms for staying on task. My mind wanders sometimes when my family is talking to me. I feel overwhelmed like I have to "fix" things for them, I believe this problem is due to being abused. I asked for help before and someone in their wisdom pulled the post. Thanks for any help. D.
 
How about looking into the mirror each day, and say "This is for you babe!"

As for feeling pushed by your family, let them know it is your spirit that you want to heal and not some bad memory that you are trying to work out. Take your own sweet time if you feel like. We all have. Remember it is your individual journey not theirs.
And yes there is nothing to be fixed here. You just have to connect with the real you, that is healing of the spirit and it is not a headache you can get over by popping a pill.
 
Dewey,

Everyone in my immediate family knows to at least some extent what my problem is, and they all recognize what is happening when I "go away". They gently snap me out of it and we continue without another word.

I also try to make sure I don't take on too much in the first place. When I overcommit it really affects me badly. I also try to keep a perspective on things. I do what I can, and the rest just has to wait.

Much love,
Larry
 
Thanks guys, It's my wife and kids mainly that I'm talking about.I sometimes just tune out right while their talking to me. It's annoying to them and makes them feel like I don't care,I'm sure. I keep seeing this word "dis
asosiation" I think I misspelled it but I wonder if that's maybe what I'm doing.
 
Dewey,

Yes, that's what it is, but remember that everyone dissociates to some degree at some time or another. It's the more serious forms of it that we often talk about - having "others" and so on, and using dissociation to deal with extreme trauma.

For survivors what happens is that when the child is confronted with something too terrible to face, he simply "switches off" and pretends that he isn't there. In my case I would look for something on the wall (a picture usually), go "through it", and go to a corner of the ceiling curled up in a ball and not looking at what was happening in the room below me. It's a way for the child to convince himself that "it's not happening to me because I'm not even down there".

I have told my wife and daughter (but for special reasons, not my son yet) about my abuse and what happens to me now as a result. This way they know that when I "go away" now all they have to do is snap me out of it and I am not ignoring them.

It was tough telling my daughter what happened to me (not in specifics of course), but now she understands things and overall I think that has been a good thing. But my daughter is 18. I certainly would not load this onto young kids or even teenagers unless they are quite mature (as my daughter is).

Don't be afraid of the word "dissociation" Dewey. If you do it that doesn't mean you have DID, and even if that were the case, remember that this was a tool - one of the very few available to him - that the little guy used to survive.

Much love,
Larry
 
Yes, Dewey 'Disassociation', is tuning out from something that hurts you, or you cannot handle mentally.

It is like a horror movie you dont want to watch, what happened to us, during childhood was nothing less. I remember as a child standing still and frozen while my abuser continued to abuse me, I was living in some other world, I wanted to run away but all I could only escape mentally. It is this coping mechanism that continues to unlearn.

It is much like the practice of most married men of tuning out the moment their wives start speaking! Some just pick the newspaper or switch on sports channel, and continue saying" You are right honey!"

One of the practices that can help you here is purposely tuning in to something you like to listen. For example nature sounds at a park or some soothing music you like.
You can try a visual contemplation using a beautiful nature image or that of your child or even a deity. Just stay with the image, lovingly observe it, and let the mind linger on it for a while, so that it relearns to observe life, lovingly.

And yes avoid multi-tasking with your mind, like watching TV, while eating, or listening to someone while thinking of the next thing on my to-do list.
 
Dewey,

This may sound like the easy way out, but it has worked for me. I have had poor short term memory for as long as I can remember. I have trouble attending to even a short conversation.

In November, I realized I was severly depressed as did those around me. I was pretty much forced into seeing a psychiatrist for medication. He put me on Zoloft for depression, and I swear within 4 days I realized that I was attending to things again. I was interested in what others had to say. Lately, while I am no memory wiz, my short term memory has improved also. I no longer have to carry around a pocket full of reminder notes all day long. They tellme that I will feel the full effects of the medication in 8 weeks. It's been 6 weeks and I am not complaining!
 
Dewey,

Its difficult being grounded in the hear and having to regulate when we dissociate. One book that I think is very strong in addressing this area is "Growing beyond survival: A self-help tookit for managing raumatic stress" by Elizbeth Vermilyea. It's a workbook with a lot of tips to self regulate. I actually over regulate so the self regulation portion wasn't as helpful for me. But the tools on how to stay grounded in the present were very helpful for me.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Thanks Fellas, that's really what I was looking for, some tips. It seems like I was doing better when I was getting enough sleep and having a quiet time every morning. Lately I hit the ground running and collapse into the sack at night. A doctor recently, asked me if I'd like to try an anti-depressant, she even gave me a bunch, I tossed em. I was concerned about getting hooked. Now with all the pressures from a new career and all, I'd snort them. D
 
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