a question about siblings

soapy bubbles

Registrant
what are the chances of a mother abusing just one of her four children?
she was utterly evil to her youngest, who had a different father from the first three.
but i would have thought it unlikely that she just suddenly decided to abuse her youngest.
does anyone have any knowledge of this situation?
I've also posted this on the friends and family forum.

SB
 

joelRT

Member, Male
It is very common in multiple children homes that the mother will target ONE child on whom to heap her invective all while treating her other children with maternal care. As oposed to violent fathers who tend to target the entire family. The mother in these instinces usually (not always) targets the child that she identifies with, sees herself in, and bashing on the child is a vicarious way for her to redress her low self esteem.

This is a well documented phenomea and I would recommend that you read Dave Pelzer book A BOY CALLED IT. We have it here at the MS bookstore.
 

pufferfish

Registrant
joelRT said:
It is very common in multiple children homes that the mother will target ONE child on whom to heap her invective all while treating her other children with maternal care.

. . . and bashing on the child is a vicarious way for her to redress her low self esteem.
Joel, this is part of my story. I was the second of two children. I have an older sister who was constantly given favorite status. From early on she was given elaborate birthday celebrations with other kids present, while I was given a very simple cake with one simple present. My sister had a whole closet full of clothes by the time I was in elementary school. I had 2 outfits and my coat had to last for 3 years, so that the sleeve came way up my arm (I did continue to grow). My sister's bedroom was nicely decorated with plush fabric decorations while my room was plain and drab. I had a large window without curtains which faced out toward the house of the guy who later became my perp when I was 10.

Why? Jealousy. My mother was dearly loved for 6 years of her early life. Then her brother came along and suddenly he was the focus of attention. He became the favorite. Later in high school my Mother had one ragged dress and one pair of socks which she said she wore until she got a foot infection. She was unpopular and unloved. She internally blamed all her troubles on her brother, who in her eyes came along and destroyed her life.

So, when my Mother later married and had two children, a girl and a boy, she subconsciously treated the older girl as queen and the younger boy (me) as the pauper. I don't think it ever reached the conscious level in her mind. She was reversing the role that she would have liked to have played out in her own life.

In backhand logic, it was good for me to not be "spoiled" by being given everything. The downside is the question of whether there was an unconscious desire on her part for me to be abused outside of the home. Some psychiatrists say that the mother knows on a subconscious level when the child is being abused. In pufferfish story part 1, she certainly was indirectly involved in my CSA by the neighbor.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=29652&Number=212889#Post212889

In pufferfish story part 2, she was certainly there and she was an intelligent woman. Why didn't she notice? Same with pufferfish story part 3. Then with pufferfish story part 4, she was actually having a birthday party by her friends at our house. I was not allowed inside and went across the street to the perps house.


Part 2:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=29796&Number=214009#Post214009


Part 3:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=30028&Number=216048#Post216048


Part 4:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=30277&Number=218205#Post218205

In pufferfish story part 5, she signed me up for the camp and then the perp came by several months later and brought her my badge from the camp. I was very scared about the perp coming to our house and talking to her. I asked her about it and she parried my question without answering it.

Part 5:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=30372&Number=219028#Post219028

The information about her is all factual. She told me the stuff about her childhood over a course of years. Whether or not she had an unconscious role in my abuse is conjecture.


Allen

pufferfish :whistle:
 

TJ jeff

Moderator
Staff member
SB,

I know there is research that has been done on this very topic (but am unable at this moment to remember where I read it - but will deffinately pass it along to you if I remember) - it is indeed quite common that a mother will target only 1 of the children - if I remember the study right it even went on to say that it is most commonly the youngest one who is targeted

that definately fits with my story - I'm the youngest of 2 (1 older brother) - and my mom had wanted me to be a girl - not to mention that I reminded her so much of dad so as that any time she was mad at him for something she was automaticaly mad at me too
 

EGL

Registrant
TJ jeff said:
I'm the youngest of 2 (1 older brother) - and my mom had wanted me to be a girl
That's interesting, Jeff. I was the youngest of 3 sons and my parents wanted me to be a girl as well. I've always felt that, along with other deficiencies in me as a child, was the reason for the absence of a relationship with my father.
 

TJ jeff

Moderator
Staff member
Eddie,

I'm sad it was that way for you too

Dad actualy was very happy with having another son
 

soapy bubbles

Registrant
I've put the same question on f&F forum because apparently i shouldn't have posted on this forum, so I apologise. thank you for your replies.
SB
 
soapy bubbles said:
...apparently i shouldn't have posted on this forum...
SB
Nonsense. I'm glad you posted here as I rarely read the F&F forum. I've also had little insight in how my older brother and twin sister seem to have avoided sex abuse by our Mom, while I ended up with the only bedroom upstairs next to hers.
 
pufferfish said:
So, when my Mother later married and had two children, a girl and a boy, she subconsciously treated the older girl as queen and the younger boy (me) as the pauper. I don't think it ever reached the conscious level in her mind. She was reversing the role that she would have liked to have played out in her own life.
that sounds like great insight...have you ever her confronted her directly about that?
 
Greetings, All. Well I was born a twin me a boy, and a girl whom died at birth. I had a sister 3 years younger than I, I got the complete range of abuse from our "mother", sexual, emotional, physical and mental. My sister got all the good stuff. But I have since learned that my niece, who was the 2nd of three kids, 1 boy, first born, the niece above, and her sister, the last born. The midle child got all the sexual, emotional, physical and mental abuse from her "mother" (my sister), the other 2 were left alone. So I guess that my "mother" was a great teacher to my privileged sister. Heal well my Friends/Brothers.
Pete (Irishmoose)
 
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