joelRT said:
It is very common in multiple children homes that the mother will target ONE child on whom to heap her invective all while treating her other children with maternal care.
. . . and bashing on the child is a vicarious way for her to redress her low self esteem.
Joel, this is part of my story. I was the second of two children. I have an older sister who was constantly given favorite status. From early on she was given elaborate birthday celebrations with other kids present, while I was given a very simple cake with one simple present. My sister had a whole closet full of clothes by the time I was in elementary school. I had 2 outfits and my coat had to last for 3 years, so that the sleeve came way up my arm (I did continue to grow). My sister's bedroom was nicely decorated with plush fabric decorations while my room was plain and drab. I had a large window without curtains which faced out toward the house of the guy who later became my perp when I was 10.
Why? Jealousy. My mother was dearly loved for 6 years of her early life. Then her brother came along and suddenly he was the focus of attention. He became the favorite. Later in high school my Mother had one ragged dress and one pair of socks which she said she wore until she got a foot infection. She was unpopular and unloved. She internally blamed all her troubles on her brother, who in her eyes came along and destroyed her life.
So, when my Mother later married and had two children, a girl and a boy, she subconsciously treated the older girl as queen and the younger boy (me) as the pauper. I don't think it ever reached the conscious level in her mind. She was reversing the role that she would have liked to have played out in her own life.
In backhand logic, it was good for me to not be "spoiled" by being given everything. The downside is the question of whether there was an unconscious desire on her part for me to be abused outside of the home. Some psychiatrists say that the mother knows on a subconscious level when the child is being abused. In pufferfish story part 1, she certainly was indirectly involved in my CSA by the neighbor.
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=29652&Number=212889#Post212889
In pufferfish story part 2, she was certainly there and she was an intelligent woman. Why didn't she notice? Same with pufferfish story part 3. Then with pufferfish story part 4, she was actually having a birthday party by her friends at our house. I was not allowed inside and went across the street to the perps house.
Part 2:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=29796&Number=214009#Post214009
Part 3:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=30028&Number=216048#Post216048
Part 4:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=30277&Number=218205#Post218205
In pufferfish story part 5, she signed me up for the camp and then the perp came by several months later and brought her my badge from the camp. I was very scared about the perp coming to our house and talking to her. I asked her about it and she parried my question without answering it.
Part 5:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=30372&Number=219028#Post219028
The information about her is all factual. She told me the stuff about her childhood over a course of years. Whether or not she had an unconscious role in my abuse is conjecture.
Allen
pufferfish :whistle: