A place full of saints and saviour's

StuJ

Registrant
Hi. I have just joined and am already amazed at the strength of everyone here. Reading posts here gives me a sense of belonging, understanding and strength.

I was groomed and abused from age 13 to 16 by someone who pretended to be my best friend. It was all made to seem normal and just a bit of a laugh with the lads. When I understood what it really was I felt grief, betrayal, anger, conned, weak, gullible and I turned it all inward on myself or sometimes outward on my wife. That cost me my first wife, my second is still hanging in there because she knows the truth.

I kept it hidden for 32 years before I got brave enough to confide in the Truth Project. This led to a police statement, case ongoing and counselling. Not only am I dealing with my shit but on ongoing police investigation.

Everything was locked in a box in my head until this moment, then a big explosion of shit happened. I'm in the middle of dealing with that now. Questioning every belief, every behaviour. Blame, anger, guilt, self loathing, whilst outwardly portraying everything as normal. A life of flat emotionless stability is now up and down like a roller coaster. I dont know who I am or who I could have been.

Had moments recently when I couldn't see a way out of the chaos in my head. Just started working with a CBT Therapist and joined you guys and it now feels like there is a positive way forward.

Male strength is measured in muscles. This is not true strength. True strength is every word written on this site and I am honoured to be amongst the strongest men in the world.

Sorry you all need to be here, but Thank you all, sharing my journey and listening to yours will be a massive help.
 
Hello StuJ, your sharing how this trauma just hit you, resonates with me. Then you go on to share concerns about relationships, your part in them becoming clouded and confusing, and you add regret, which foments grieving. There's a lot packed into your post that resonates with me.

Trauma therapists and some of these methods are slowly getting better for men who suffered childhood sexual trauma. We deserved better then and sooner than it's come to us. That said, the gratitude that the process to find recovery steps has begun, and that speaks for itself.

There is a lot going on here, so take your time to get your feet grounded and working to be present; this isn't easy. We share "trigger warning" for the tough stuff, but, who isn't wondering if there's a part of them in that post?

Best wishes
 

StuJ

Registrant
Hello StuJ, your sharing how this trauma just hit you, resonates with me. Then you go on to share concerns about relationships, your part in them becoming clouded and confusing, and you add regret, which foments grieving. There's a lot packed into your post that resonates with me.

Trauma therapists and some of these methods are slowly getting better for men who suffered childhood sexual trauma. We deserved better then and sooner than it's come to us. That said, the gratitude that the process to find recovery steps has begun, and that speaks for itself.

There is a lot going on here, so take your time to get your feet grounded and working to be present; this isn't easy. We share "trigger warning" for the tough stuff, but, who isn't wondering if there's a part of them in that post?

Best wishes
Thank you
 

Sawyer49

Registrant
Stu,

Welcome to here so glad you found us and so sorry for what happened. I too am fairly new here and this place has been a huge support.

I'm glad your found a path forward your story and your feelings you describe are something we also have in common.


Welcome Stu,

Sawyer
 
Stu, welcome to MS. You are right, there are a lot of brave men here. Sorry you needed to find us, but glad you did.
 

StuJ

Registrant
Thank you all. Feeling like my problems are not as bad as everyone else's and that I don't warrant such support is something I am struggling with.
 

WG

Registrant
Hello, Stu. It's understandable that you feel like you don't deserve anything good - however it's far from true. You truly do deserve good things. This is a good place with some insightful, compassionate men who are here to walk with you on this path of recovery. We're all here with you.
 
Thanks for sharing with us some of your story and thanks for the line "...I am honoured to be amongst the strongest men in the world." Some moments I don't feel like that but being here and telling the truth about everything really is a mark of strength. For too long it all seemed overwhelming and there was no escape except through self-shaming behaviors... food, alcohol, pornography being the last incarnations. But with support of men here we can heal, we can claim lives worthy of us all. So I'm terribly sorry you lived through such pain, but so happy you've chosen to join this band of brothers who want only the best for one another. Healing IS possible and that is what we all want. The best to you on your journey Stu. I look forward to hearing more from you about it all.
 

StuJ

Registrant
Thanks for sharing with us some of your story and thanks for the line "...I am honoured to be amongst the strongest men in the world." Some moments I don't feel like that but being here and telling the truth about everything really is a mark of strength. For too long it all seemed overwhelming and there was no escape except through self-shaming behaviors... food, alcohol, pornography being the last incarnations. But with support of men here we can heal, we can claim lives worthy of us all. So I'm terribly sorry you lived through such pain, but so happy you've chosen to join this band of brothers who want only the best for one another. Healing IS possible and that is what we all want. The best to you on your journey Stu. I look forward to hearing more from you about it all.
Thank you. Self shaming is a valuable insight that hadn't crossed my mind. Repeating behaviour that makes you feel the way you did at the time or in a way that reinforces your shame and guilt of the events resonates with me. Thank you for sharing that, it's something to add into the many processes required for healing.
 

Brennan87

Registrant
StuJ,
Welcome to the best family you never want to join. You will find a lot of support and brotherhood here. I'm happy to hear you are releasing some of the damaging emotions you have relating to your abuse. That's a critical step in healing.
 

hiol

New Registrant
Welcome to the site Stu by sharing your story you are showing tremendous courage to other abuse victims. While silence is so inviting, you have stepped forward and are sharing your truth so others know they aren't alone. You’ve already done the hardest part, you survived the trauma. Never forget you are much stronger than you think you are.

Welcome Stu
hiol
 
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