A pat on the back

A pat on the back
O

outis

Registrant
Howdy, one and all,

I've replied to Mike's posts about how we relax and what we'll do this summer (and don't be jealous but I'll be getting help from a third grader on my essay :) this fall). I have a general question, too.

In many places I've read that it can be helpful in a long term activity to look back at progress made so far, especially when things seem to be moving slowly, stalled, or moving backward. Sometimes the best action is no action, just a pat on the back for the progress to date.

For myself, I think I can tell now when I'm getting angry inappropriately. Before I would just rant and rave, but now sometimes I recognize that I'm over reacting and I can calm down.

Another thing is being able to tell when I'm getting too deep in my own head, and missing out on the present. I never even realized that I was missing out on the moment before. I can't always get myself back as well as I'd like to, but at least I'm beginning to recognize when I've gone missing.

So, what are some signs of progress you've seen in your own case? Do you stop and look back at your progress from time to time? Do you "reward" yourself for progress?

Thanks,

Joe
 
So, what are some signs of progress you've seen in your own case?
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Given my physical setbacks & resulting discouragement since my recent accident, it's tempting to say none.

But the fact is had all this happened a year ago or even less, I doubtless would have been in total
depression and very irritable.

Glad you asked the question Joe. The more I think about it the more I realize how well I'm handling all this. :cool:

Do you stop and look back at your progress from time to time?
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Yes but not as much as I should. Journaling can really help with this if you are consistent with it, which I'm not. :rolleyes: But being here & posting & looking at your posts as time goes on is also a big help.

Do you "reward" yourself for progress?
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That I'm still working on. Trying to see the progress and as you say pat myself on the back. At least allow myself to relax & enjoy life a bit more. :cool:

Victor
 
Joe

So, what are some signs of progress you've seen in your own case? Do you stop and look back at your progress from time to time? Do you "reward" yourself for progress?
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Yes, constantly - but not obsessivly ( I hope )

I occasionaly look back through my journal and writings, and wonder how the hell I got to this place I'm at now ? And that deserves a 'slap on the back' in my book ! And why not ? I might just be feeling in need of some reassurance and so what if I give myself some, I'm allowed to ! :D

I also see 'my' progress as I help out here and at the Survivors Charity I help at here in the UK, and in the group I'm a part of.
Every time I see another Survivor make a step forward I'm so full of pride for them that some rubs off on me, and I hope it does on everyone - it should - we all deserve to enjoy another Survivors success.

I haven't acted out with another man for just over 5 years, and I'm so proud of that. But I'm equally proud of the guy who's just managed 5 weeks - because you have to the 5 weeks before the 5 years, and 5 weeks is so much harder.

Yes, we should reward ourselves. Whether we just make sure we feel good about ourselves for any achievement ( no matter how small it might seem, it isn't. ) or we treat ourselves to that new CD we wanted, but can't really afford 'till pay day, DO IT !!

Dave
 
I can respond at this only outside of the idea of "progress" in this case, of being a person rather than "survivor". I think I am still so new here to have not made the progress. But I think I have grown in my sport, in how I compete, and that makes me also grow as person. I learn that it is competition to best myself. I can not rely on another to motivate me, because what if that other is not there? The root of it, must be me. So in competition, if I go and win something, I win one thing. If I work and train hard to get at that place, then I win more. Because I learn more when I do the work, and I feel more of myself when I do that. That is something progress, in my life.

Leosha
 
thank you for this thread....it is a really good idea....

i think there are areas in my life where i have made very obvious progress: i have been "clean" from self-injury since last october, i am no longer in denial about the abuse, i am cooperating more with therapy (conceded to taking meds). even more importantly, i am learning to slow down. i have managed to stop feeling too much anxiety about not working, have finally begun to allow myself to relax a little...

the not-so-obvious progresses: i continue to see the world with new eyes, i am more likely these days to say to people: i do not feel well or i am very sad today. i have also gotten better at telling people i need to be left alone...

these are all good things...
 
Joe,

This a really good one for me. I get so wrapped up in myself that it's impossible for me to get any perspective on my progress.

In that respect I have been fortunate and have found some really loving, trustworthy friends who point out to me how far I have come and how much progress I have made.

They are able to see what is too close to me to be observed. Plus they don't have the history of self denigration and negative self image that I do.

SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE ME!!! I'm always surprised by that----but boy, does it feel good.

Being in touch with other survivors of SA has been an incredible experience for understanding the destructiveness of untreated sexual abuse.

And it also gives me the hope of seeing how strong the will to recover can be when given the right support and nurturing.

During the last few weeks I have found myself sometimes wondering if I'm spending "too much time on the SA stuff" or reading and writing here.

Some progress for me is that I say, I don't care if it is "too much time" (whatever that is), it
helps me heal and I never want to go back to the lonely secret life I had.

I also highly recommend this article

www.malesurvivor.org/Professionals/Articles/recovery.htm

It's written for professional therapists, but I found that the specific steps, activities and goals give me a more framework or "checklist" to judge my progress.

It gives me some good ideas about specific plans to nurture my growth.

We are so lucky to have this forum.
Thanks, Joe and all for helping me move forward.

Your fellow progressive,
 
This is really interesting stuff. I just got in from an Al Anon/Adult Children meeting where I led on the topic, "How do you recognize your own progress, and how do you find joy in a life of recovery?"

It seems to me that if we are working toward a better life, there must be something in it for us. There must be some good that comes back to us, or we could just go back to numbing behaviors.

People seem to notice changes in their thought patterns and attitudes. From there it's easier to see things that are good. I know I would have seen the worst in almost any situation not long ago.

True story -- In my first employee evaluation after I got out of college, my supervisor told me that I was "very good at identifying areas where things might go wrong." :)

I probably still can do that but I enjoy looking for things that are going well.

Thanks,

Joe
 
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