DanielQ432
Thank you. You are so right--one must focus on those that give them life and not take life from them. I am fortunate to have this group as well as some wonderful friends who watch out for me--some nearby and others now in far away places.
Looking at what I am boxing helps me remember happier times, times when the children were innocent. It reminds me of how I saw the change in them from this innocence to their own struggles. I can see it all began with the syncope and absence of their mother. None of the experts deny that period was traumatic for the family and children. A loss of parent from death or prolonged absence creates fears in the child. Then subjected a child to environment of resentment for an illness and separating the child from the family also is traumatic. When a parent returns and leaves again over and over it compounds the fears and the child does not understand and grows in different ways from extreme emotional attachment to that parent and the need to take out any person who steps in between their fractured relationship to creating insecurities within the child and the absent parents need to regain their position and love with the children. I can see it clearly and talking to the experts about it has helped but keeps me sad because the children's lives have been impacted while the adults responsible do not see their role in destroying a child's life, robbing them of a mother and creating emotional insecurities. I love the children but will not allow them to destroy me, for destroying me destroys them and I fear they will never recover.
It is important to surround oneself with people who want one to heal and not to use one to hide from the past and their complicity in the downfall of a survivor through words and actions that people with compassion, kindness and cognizance would not inflict or utter.
Difficult for me, I have been told due to the duration of what occurred in the home, the effect it had on me with dissociation, fear and sense of loss of self, together with the abuse it is one. It has converged together. I have to separate the abuse from the spit, the locking in the room, to the lies and denials and so much more. I have extreme difficulty which causes the sense of loss of self and desire to live. I have heard this over and over but I have failed to achieve.
Thanks for your outreach and I ponder and struggle as to next steps-to many options and I need to find the right one for me.
Kevin
