a new name on the board

a new name on the board
kuurt

kuurt

Registrant
so i know there are posts on here all the time saying the same thing i am about to say: i am new here...blah blah blah. whatever. nothing unique. anyways, i am new here. this is my first post. i have been visiting the site for almost 6 months now...which is kind of embarressing since i have been coming here that long and am just now getting the courage to register and post.
i have had alot bad experiences that have caused me so much sadness and pain, especially since i have never ever ever told anyone about any of these bad things. they are too bad for me to tell, i think. anyway, i have come here because i need help and friends. i really do. i am so alone. this is the only thing that i can think of to do. i hope that i will be able to talk to you guys and stuff...but i am very scared...i am even scared right now. well, i think i will stop typing for now. is it wierd that i feel guilty even making this post? i don't know anymore...i don't trust my feelings and i often do not know what is right or wrong. am i making too big of a deal out of the things that happend in my past? i just don't know. i hope that some of you all will have time to talk to me. thank you.
 
Kuurt,

You should know right off the mark that all of the feelings you express in your first post are so typical of new guys, especially boys such as yourself. It's okay to feel scared; it's not an easy thing to come in here and say "This has happened to me and I need help and friends". And all of us have felt that feeling of guilt you talk about. You aren't weird at all.

We also know how it feels to think you are all alone, but Kuurt you aren't alone, not any more. It is also okay to feel you can't trust anyone; how is a boy whose trust has been so badly betrayed supposed to trust others now?

You aren't making too big a deal out of things that happened, not at all. In fact, it is a courageous thing you have done today. Many guys sit on their pain and sadness for decades before they try to deal with it. You are so lucky that already you can see that this is something you need to talk about.

At Male Survivor there is a "mod buddy", Scotty Todd (Howard), who is in charge of helping teenagers. He is a therapist himself and he sees a lot of boys your age, so he knows what he is doing. You will also find that the rest of us will be happy to talk to you. MS is moderated, so you are safe here.

Don't rush yourself. Just get used to what you see here and post whatever you want when you feel able to do that.

You post shows you are already "on the path". You say how you feel and you express your fears and doubts openly and honestly. We all have those feelings bro. That is one of many things you will discover here.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hi Kuurt. I'm one of those guys who tried to ignore the past and "just get over it". I tried that approach for almost 30 years.

My parents tried to get me help when I was 14 or 15, but I clamed up, I was to ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it with my therapist. They tried to help me but I wasn't ready, now I am.

At the age of 36 I'm finally starting to deal with my past instead of running away, which has gotten me....................nowhere.

I wish a had your courage when I was your age.
 
"Ditto" to what Hauser said, Kuurt.
Congratulations! Your obvious maturity and good sense will help you a great deal on a path of healing and recovery.
Welcome to this place of help and friends.
Keep coming back!
Love, etc.,
 
The first time I posted here my hands were shaking so bad I could hardly type, and the whole day I kept checking back to see if anybody said anything. We're glad you posted. Families of abuse live in secrets. My family would still like to believe this fantasy. Getting stronger and feeling better comes with exposing those secrets. Every time I tell my story, it's painful, but I feel stronger. And then to hear these men empathize and cry with me was like my soul had been touched and healed just a little bit. My eyes water up now just thinking about it.

Do what you can. I know you'll find friends here. These guys are good people. And one walk through the Survivor Stories tells me that there is nothing "too bad for me to tell". You're among brothers who have been through a lot and understand more than you know.
 
Kuurt,

like you, I found it difficult to post at first.

Take your time and say what you want to. You will soon find the courage to open out and get rid of some of the hurt.

I know you will have a million unanswered questions, but the more you understand the easier it will get, as you are now not alone,

ste
 
Kuurt,

The first post is always difficult. You should treat yourself to a hot chocolate or long walk in the park for taking the leap!

I'm glad you finally got the courage to post. You may not feel like it, but there's a whole lot more bravery where that came from.
 
Kuurt

Take your time there is no rush, you will find that as you proceed down the road of recovery things will spring to mind that feel right to talk about, you will instinctively know when to talk about this or that.

Myself I am very much like Hauser I tried to hide from what happned from within a vodka and pill bottle. I was abused originally aged 14 in 1970 I came to accept that what happned to me and that it was not my fault in 1999, I am now fifty (in two days time) thats one hell of a lot of hiding and I missed so much, but life today is good I still have problems but they are nowhere near as big as they used to be plus I dont have to hide who the real Kirk is anymore.

Take it easy my friend

Kirk
 
Kuurt,

Welcome to Male Survivor, Friend. You are sooo not alone in how you feel about all this stuff. I, like the other guys here have felt those feelings of worthlesness, fright, shame, and isolation you speak of. I still feel them at times, but things are so much better for me now. I've found friends here who care deeply about me and what I am experiencing, and I can return those feelings without shame or regret.

I lived in denial for 40 years, Kuurt. One of the things that I weep about sometimes is all those wasted years. Years filled with anger, rage even, never knowing what it was I was angry about.

It may not feel like it, my friend, but you are so fortunate that you are starting on this path we call recovery at a time in life where nearly your whole life yet is still waiting before you to be lived. You can live it in the knowledge that you did not let the evil that happened to you ruin your life. I envy you that, Kuurt. I can only wish I had been so fortunate and found a place like this when I was your age.

Just keep talking when you feel able. We'll listen and support you.

Lots of love,

John
 
Kuurt - when I first posted here 2 years ago I was in the last change saloon! Believe me when I tell you that this is the best place there is to find support anywhere - people here do not just emphasise, they really understand because they've also been there!

Best wishes....Rik

*Post whatever you wish - no one here has ever called me stupid when I've said or asked anything!
 
comming here is like comming home dude ,welcome home , i can't believe what iv'e found here ,everything you need is right here shadow
 
Hi Kuurt,

I want to welcome you to MS - a place where you never have to feel alone with your struggles ever again...

I hope that you will make many new friends here...

sorry about chat earlier - I think there is a problem with the program or my puter - hope to be able to chat at you again soon...

Take good care of you,

TJ jeff
 
Kuurt,

What can I say that the others have not already said? When I was your age I still had eight years of abuse to live through. I am so glad that you found a place like this at your age. Like the others have said, this is a very good place and you are very welcome here.

Some of the best friends I have, I've never met in person, they are right here on this discussion board. I think you will find the same thing. So take your time, share only those things you feel you can trust us with.

Hang in there and remember, people here care.

Darrel
 
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