A new challenge in my life......

A new challenge in my life......
S

Stephen_5

This year has been hell for me. I've had a lot of health problems, uncertainties at the workplace, a bad wreck on the motorcycle, my dad died, a mini stroke and a couple of surgeries to remove tumors. Now I received the news that what I thought was minor surgery a couple of weeks ago turned up some cancer. They want to operate right after the first of the year. The research and the docs all say that it's pretty aggressive and even when it's removed it will come back. I always knew that it was possible for this stuff to turn into cancer but I didn't think that it would happen to me. My 55th birthday is in a couple of weeks and I'm getting really depressed. Trying to keep up some semblance of holiday good cheer is impossible right now. I just want to withdraw from my family and friends. I called my T and I'll see him on Monday. I've been going through all the phases: anger, denial, acceptance, etc. I keep cycling through them. I've always internalized things and had an outwardly calm demeanor and now I'm ready to just yell and scream. I don't want to take my anger out on my loved ones but it takes so much to keep myself from telling them to "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, I'LL DEAL WITH IT!". Thanks for letting me vent.

Steve
 
Steve
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, I'LL DEAL WITH IT!"
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Don,t know if that is a good idea to withdraw into your own world, now more than ever you need friends to help you through this. Sorry to hear about the cancer but it is good you got the top medical team working for you.I wish you all the best . Try to stay positive during these next few weeks. Muldoon
 
Steve

The dignity you're showing in the face of all your trials and now to be facing the ultimate fear of all... is incredably courageous and inspiring.

Let the anger out, find a way to do so without hurting others. It is ok be to angry. Maybe you can share your anger with some of your loved ones in a healing manner; they too might be angry (and have so many other feelings about your cancer) and need a way to express it. My point in saying this is that letting some of your feelings out may relieve enough of the pressure to let you have at least some moments of calmness and the ability to be present through the holidays.

I've vented, in private and safety, by taking a tennis racket and smacking the heck out of my couch. Feels good and makes a really satisfying sound.

I'm sending healing thoughts and energy your way Steve.

-jer
 
Steve,

We all have to deal with the sh*t we step into in our lives in our own time & way. Sometimes I need to isolate & I've learned to do so; not easy for a pretty outgoing person. Sometimes, lately, I overdo it (yes I'm OCD!). I need to make friends but I just moved, its hard to trust, I just wanna be left alone, etc. I'm trying to find my balance in all this. So are you, Steve, and you will.

Venting helps, and I do my share of it. Here on this site and at others. Alone, between me & God; sometimes, at God.

Jer's tennis racket idea is good; a baseball bat, throwing a ball against a wall (preferably outside!), or sometimes even a good computer game helps. My daughter is away at college and left the drum set she recently bought here--on the condition that I get to "play" it when I want. Sometimes I really pound those drums good--and it feels good too!

Of course, I've always marched to my own drumbeat... ;)

Take care Steven, my thots & prayers are with you,

Wuame
 
Steven
If you want to be angry, be angry. Just feel and experience all the emotions you are having.

To bottle them up does no good, they sit there and go bad. Let them out and enjoy them.

Dave
 
Dear Steve, I am sending my spiritual vibes across these waves with sincere thoughts... I lost both my mom and dad 5 weeks apart back in fall of 1998. My mom, an angel of mercy RN and my dad a protective Chicago cop always related I would never walk alone---- I have asked them to look over U!!!
Vent PRN!!! All my best, John
 
Thanks guys,

I'm accepting it a bit better now. I'm still afraid but I've been asking all the right questions of the docs and I'm getting the answers that I need (not necessarily the ones I want). I'm getting a second opinion just to make sure. I thank all of you for your support.

I've had problems in the distant past with anger. I was taught as a kid not to show my anger so I held it in. In my family anger just brought on more anger, I could never win. A few times in my late teens and early twenties I would just explode with anger and I promised myself that I would never do that again and I haven't. I think that's why I withdraw from people when I'm really upset. I've got to find another outlet. I'm putting my 'bike back together over the holidays. That was a good stress relief for me 'til the crash.

Thanks again,

Steve
 
(((((((((((Steve))))))))))))

and prayers too

I still want to see you on your bike...

...t
 
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