A Man Among Men

Status
Not open for further replies.
A Man Among Men
When I get in a group of men, I often feel like a boy, a fraud. I am convinced that they have all of their sh*t together and I am the only one who is so unsure, so uncertain of who I am.

Last month a buddy spent an hour praying for me. He and another guy were the first I told about what happened to me when I was 8. I had always feared that if another man knew, they would reject me. Neither of these guys did that. However, I confess that afterward I felt insecure. I wondered what they thought of me. Did they think I was some loser basket case?

Today I spent time with one of the guys. We grabbed my chainsaw and spent two hours cutting firewood. We talked, laughed and he even cried a bit when he talked about some of his struggles and what God is doing in his life. He brought cigars. So after we sat around puffing away and giving each other a hard time.

It felt great, comfortable, authentic. I felt like a man just hanging out with another guy. I felt equal. I am a man in my determination to face my CSA. I am a man because I have courage to share my deepest darkest shame with other men. I am a man in my fortitude to keep fighting when so much of me just wants to give up. I am a man because I love and care for my children. I am a man when I serve my wife. I am a man because I bear the image of my Creator. I am a man.

I choose to remember this day. The next time I am attacked by a spirit of disqualification among men, I will remember cutting firewood and smoking cigars.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top