A major breakthrough

A major breakthrough
B

bc22

Registrant
I made what I think is a maor break through for me. I have been concentrating on my cousin, because he also got to me as an adult with the affair with my wife. I also did not want to admit, I'm sorry to say, even to you guys, that I was also being abused by my Methodist Youth Director. What must it do to a 7-8 year old to go off on family outings and be abused by your cousin in a painful way, but still with attention, then go home and have your minister fondling you and talking your mother into taking her son camping alone. He made me strip down, only to my underwear, so we could be warm in the tent. He was much more "loving" but what a message. All I have thought about is what kind of vibe was I sending off to let 2 people who did not even know each other and lived 100's of miles away from each other, that it was okay to violate me. I realize I can not just pick and choose the abuses I want to deal with if I want to get better. I have to deal with the abuse. I realized how twisted the 2 different messages I got from these 2. It's no wonder I'm so screwed up right now!!!
 
bc22,

What you say here is so commonly felt among survivors, especially new guys:

All I have thought about is what kind of vibe was I sending off to let 2 people who did not even know each other and lived 100's of miles away from each other, that it was okay to violate me.
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The fact of the matter is that there are predators around all the time. We don't "see" them because they just mix in and pretend to be regular good guys, but they are out there. They are constantly scoping boys, looking for an opportunity, and two of them scoped you.

One could say, well, look at my pics from the abuse days and you can see how devastated I am after the first abuser got to me: a boy staying apart from others with eyes downcast and arms carried in a defensive posture, for example. But how then does one explain the first abuser? What did he see?

The answer is that predators are constantly on the prowl and for some of them abuse of their many victims is almost a full-time task. The abuse is ALWAYS their fault, not ours.

Although it sometimes seems compelling, I hope you will try to avoid the conclusion that you were some kind of "abuse magnet". The problem with that is it's a way of taking at least part of the responsibility for what was done to you. That's not the way it was. Regardless of how you looked or what you did, the two people you mention had the duty to protect and cherish you. Instead they betrayed you in one of the foulest possible ways.

They worked very hard for the blame - let them have it all.

Much love,
Larry
 
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