A lot of things are happening...
A lot of things are happening right now. My dad died about 10 days ago, the memorial was last Saturday. I did the eulogy. It was one of the toughest things I've ever done. He hasn't been around mentally for a few years now but now he's not around at all.
I've come to understand why he wasn't there for me to protect me, why he wasn't approachable, why I couldn't tell him about the abuse when it happened. He was trying to provide his family with a better life than he had as a kid and he did. We had enough material things, just no emotional things. He never said that he loved me or hugged me until after he had his first stroke. I was about 43 at that time. I felt so cheated. Why couldn't he have been a loving parent that I could have confided in? Why didn't he see what was going on? I know he was doing the best he could but I'm still very angry.
I told my mom about the abuse a month or so ago. Nothing specific, just that it happened when I was 11 and went on for a few years. She listened to me but basically wanted to talk about her own problems and her own issues. She's an recovering alcoholic and has been sober for about 15 years now. She drank a lot when I was a kid when the abuse was happening and left us alone a lot when dad was out of town on business. I told her that I couldn't tell anyone at the time and didn't tell anyone for 38 years. At least she knows, at least I told her, it's not a secret anymore.
Last week I told my oldest sister about it, again nothing specific, just that it happened. I didn't tell her that it was one of her boyfriends that was the perpetrator, it would serve no useful purpose. She's a bit unstable, always has been I guess. The abuse is not a secret anymore.
I've got some health issues that I have to deal with, some surgeries that I have to have to remove a couple of lesions on my kidney and some pre-cancerous stuff on my tongue. I hate hospitals. I hate the way the insurance companies make you jump through hoops just to get the services that you need. I had a bad wreck on my motorcycle in June that put me in the hospital for a couple of days and out of work for about three weeks. Riding the 'bike was my one and only outlet and now I don't have that anymore either. I missed going on my motorcycle vacation that I had been planning for over eight months. I don't like anything about my life right now, my job is not challenging and it's not very stable. The company that I work for has reduced the staff to about 25% of what it was a few years ago. I guess I'm fortunate that they kept me on. I've let my finances deteriorate over the last couple of years. I just can't seem to get the energy together to do anything that needs to get done.
Well, enough of this rant. Thanks for listening.
Steve
I've come to understand why he wasn't there for me to protect me, why he wasn't approachable, why I couldn't tell him about the abuse when it happened. He was trying to provide his family with a better life than he had as a kid and he did. We had enough material things, just no emotional things. He never said that he loved me or hugged me until after he had his first stroke. I was about 43 at that time. I felt so cheated. Why couldn't he have been a loving parent that I could have confided in? Why didn't he see what was going on? I know he was doing the best he could but I'm still very angry.
I told my mom about the abuse a month or so ago. Nothing specific, just that it happened when I was 11 and went on for a few years. She listened to me but basically wanted to talk about her own problems and her own issues. She's an recovering alcoholic and has been sober for about 15 years now. She drank a lot when I was a kid when the abuse was happening and left us alone a lot when dad was out of town on business. I told her that I couldn't tell anyone at the time and didn't tell anyone for 38 years. At least she knows, at least I told her, it's not a secret anymore.
Last week I told my oldest sister about it, again nothing specific, just that it happened. I didn't tell her that it was one of her boyfriends that was the perpetrator, it would serve no useful purpose. She's a bit unstable, always has been I guess. The abuse is not a secret anymore.
I've got some health issues that I have to deal with, some surgeries that I have to have to remove a couple of lesions on my kidney and some pre-cancerous stuff on my tongue. I hate hospitals. I hate the way the insurance companies make you jump through hoops just to get the services that you need. I had a bad wreck on my motorcycle in June that put me in the hospital for a couple of days and out of work for about three weeks. Riding the 'bike was my one and only outlet and now I don't have that anymore either. I missed going on my motorcycle vacation that I had been planning for over eight months. I don't like anything about my life right now, my job is not challenging and it's not very stable. The company that I work for has reduced the staff to about 25% of what it was a few years ago. I guess I'm fortunate that they kept me on. I've let my finances deteriorate over the last couple of years. I just can't seem to get the energy together to do anything that needs to get done.
Well, enough of this rant. Thanks for listening.
Steve
