A Lost Survivor

A Lost Survivor
M

Mark R

Registrant
Wow! Was I happy! After 20-some years not being with anyone, I met someone. It was online, but we sure clicked. After six months we were making plans to meet. He went out to celebrate his 24th birthday, met some guy, was drugged and raped and left stripped in an abandoned building. He was missing for 3 days. He was going to run away, feeling unclean and unworthy of a relationship. But, he stayed with his family and planned to come and live with me. Then he remembered what his father did to him when he was 3 or 4.
I went to meet his plane. He never showed up. His mom said he packed this belongings and took off in his car. I've heard from him briefly by email, but not for weeks now.
This all brought up my abuse, which, although not physical, was insidious and holds me back to this very day.
I took care of my mother when she died 3 years ago. I forgave her. She had know idea what she had done...why she made me her child/husband in everything but bed.
Now my friend is gone and I'm alone again.
 
Mark R. you are not alone. You had the guts to post this so I along with others who post or look at the posts can e-mail you. I know it is not the same as a 1 on 1 meeting, but it does, I feel, help. Hang in there. Bosishere
 
Thanks Bos. This morning I called the Sinatra Center for Abused Children. It just so happens they are beginning some groups for adults this summer. I am offering my services as a volunteer and hope to be accepted in the program. I feel my previous therapy was my "undergraduate" work. Now I am ready for grad and post-grad work, with the likelihood that I will continue formal education with the end goal of helping other abused men and their families.
While I can't seem to do much for my friend right now, I can always work on myself. The stronger I am for me, the stronger I will be for him and others who need guidance in their journeys.
I would be happy to talk to anyone who wants to communicate with me. [email protected] Thanks to all for your support and your good thoughts for my friend.
 
MarkR,
I think you are right that the stronger we are, the stronger we are for others. As survivors it is hard to remember that at times and sometimes we focus all our energy on others while draining ourselves. I am still pondering future education such as graduate work so that I can officially help others. There are things that I would love to do but without the education, I am not able to do them. But life has thrown me some curves that is making this step very difficult. And it may just not be the right time for me, but one day.

Don
 
Dear Mark, I'm glad you are going to work in the Sinatra program. I live in Palm Springs part time and will be interested in doing some work with them based upon your experience. keep me posted. you have your priorities in order. good for you!!!
 
hey
i just want to say i am sorry about what happened. also i would like to add that a very similar thing (to what your friend went through) happened to me just a couple of years ago - i was 26. i just think you need to (please i am not saying you are doing - or have done - anything wrong by being upset) give him some time. i was at a bar one night enjoying some drinks etc. talking to some guy and the next thing i knew it was like 10:00 in the morning and i was laying naked on someone's apartment floor shaking with my nose broken, black eyes and covered in cuts and bruises. i have (to this day) no idea what happened and all i remember is trying desperately to get away to no avail. for me it was a terrible thing because at the time i mistakenly had figured that i was doing ok - recovering from years of sexual and physical abuse when i was young. it sent me spiraling into a severe depression which went on for several years. i hope your friend is ok and i wish you all the best. you are never alone.
 
No One...Thanks...I've sort of come to that conclusion. But it still hurts. If he's dissociative he probably is depending totally on his survival skills...and those have got him this far...I'm sure they will hold him in good stead. I just hadn't connected with anyone like him in so many years. I feel so alone not having him to talk to. Maybe that's greedy on my part. He may need the space and time, like you say. I am just so confused, hurt, lonely, and sad. Thanks for your support. It does bolster similar feelings I have. Mark
 
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