A little lonely

Eph320NY

Registrant
I am feeling a little lonely.

It has never been easy for me to make friends. Even before my abuse in my college years, this has been a challenge for me. I never really had many friends, except a few. I tend to spend time alone, reading or drawing. I have social anxieties and my SA might have had some impact on that.

The thing is a lot of people I have become close to have moved away or I have lost contact with. So, I think I have a fear of being abandoned.

(This paragraph could be triggering) Also, I was talking with my abuser and he encouraged me to open up to him about several insecurities I have. And then he repays me by not letting me leave unless I pleased him. So that adds to my social anxieties!

It wasn’t until the last few years ago that I decided to take a risk and try to make some friends again.

But when I started acting out in the adult chat rooms, I lost contact with these friends for a while.

When I was in these chat rooms, I identified as Tabitha, my online alter identity as a female, I seemed to be much more outgoing when I was Tabitha. However, I was using this to have virtual sexual encounters as a way of acting out.

This acting out led to separation from my wife and kids. This made me want to make changes in my life. We are on talking terms at least. But I lost being affectionate with my wife.
I stopped going to the chat rooms and I reconnected with the friends I recently made.

But recently one of my friends has recently got a new job that keeps him very busy. So, we haven’t talked in a long time. This friend was one of the few people who I have shared my story with. It is hard not to have that fear of abandonment pop up again.

It would just be nice to have someone face to face that I can share things with, besides my T.
 
Hi Carl

I have always had trouble making male friends as I think I think back on it I believe I no the reason now. I am always side track by sexual attraction to males. It is a strong deterrent to me friends. I have never been good about reading people and knowing who they are and how I think I want them to be.I have had a hard time finding out who I am to much negative comments, where I live is still quite redneck and not very tolerant of anyone that is different.

Coming here to talk is the only place I talk about my past anymore. Once in a while something just comes out when talking to others I try hard not to share my pain wit them.
I stopped going to the chat rooms and I reconnected with the friends I recently made.
This was a good move I am proud of you. Keep not going and keep coming here to talk and things will get better.
 
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I was glad to give you the hug. I felt like you needed one and I wanted to show I care.

I know what it is like to be lonely. I wish I had an answer for you. Unfortunately, I don't. I am basically an introvert myself. If it wasn't for work and home I wouldn't have any human interaction myself. I really hate the way I am. But I just don't know what to talk about. But that is what it is.

I know your lonely, but keep going. As Honeycoomb says "You are a person worth knowing."
 

CalabrianBambino

Registrant
As an introvert that shifted to an ambivert, the key parts to making friends are finding a connection and specializing something in that friendship. Although it’s hard, you have to put yourself out there. You got this man!
 

WG

Registrant
Greg - Thank you for trusting us enough to express your very self. I believe we all here know what it means to be lonely. Even guys like me who don't mind being around other people. In my work I was with a group of people daily - I was a counselor in an organization - but those people were not my friends nor could they ever be. On the outside I was open and willing to discuss just about anything during our group sessions. But when it came to having a guy friend to go to coffee with and talk about MY life, there was maybe one or two and they were oftentimes busy with their own lives so our times together were few and far between. I have a T, but they aren't there for coffee and chat except in session. I've been married for 38 years, but my wife isn't my counselor. My children are not my counselors. And there again, stuck with feelings, emotions and bits and pieces I want to get out and talk about and find no one.
I will say that I have 2 men in my life who know almost everything about my life and have remained constant friends for a number of years. I have one man who has been my friend for 54 years (we've known each other since the 7th grade in 1966........yeah, I'm old) and he knows these things, too but he lives about 1300 miles away so is only available by telephone once a month. I get it....this is tough stuff to walk through.
I will ask you since the post appeared that you have remained in contact with your perpetrator, are you still? ("I was talking with my abuser") I trust you are not. It would be one more thing to propel you in the completely wrong direction for your recovery. Tell me if I'm mistaken.
 

Eph320NY

Registrant
@WG i am not in contact with my abuser. I simply looked him up on the internet. I have not talked to him at all since the abuse. I couldn’t remember his name or what he looked like, so last week I found the college yearbook online. I have not contacted him at all. The name I found in the yearbook for my abuser was Greg.
Also, my name is Carl. You just called me by my abuser’s name. But that is okay. I do my own share of getting things mixed up.
But what you described about finding it hard to find someone to talk to, is exactly what I am
feeling.
I can’t really talk much to my wife anyways because of the separation. It will take for her to trust me again.
 
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WG

Registrant
Carl - I am so red-faced right now. I cannot imagine being called by my abuser's name. My deepest apologies. It was foolish on my part to not look more carefully at which name was which.
By the way, I like the song by We Are Messengers, great tune.
 

Eph320NY

Registrant
I did not draw the Celtic design of the tree of life but I should draw one!

I got a call from my friend who I haven’t heard from a long time yesterday when I was driving to my t session. That made me very happy.
 
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