A little imput please

A little imput please
Nathan LaChine

Nathan LaChine

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Brothers,

This is post is for my step mom and her sister. I am going to print off and mail both of them a copy of this thread. My step mom asked me to post a little about her nephew and see what you guys think. Ok now that the warning is all over with here is the thread.

The nephew we will call him Josh. Josh is a 15-year-old runaway. He is living with his grandma and does not want to go back to live with his bio mom. Josh has for sometime been wearing his mom's nightgowns. Josh has also video taped himself wearing his mom's nightgowns and performing sexual acts on him self. Josh kept the video tape of him self.

The question is this "If a 15 year old is wearing women's night gowns, video taping himself performing sexual acts on him self, would you suspect that he was or has been abused?" My answer to this question is yes, I am hoping that if Josh's mom reads this thread she will find her son a T or a support group. Thank you as always my brother I know that this thread is hard but it can helpfully help a young man.


lots of love, Nathan
 
Nathan,

I don't know, that one particular behaviour doesn't seem to be enough to go on in making a determination of abuse. He could simply be exploring his own sexuality and gender roles. I would think that all teens his age feel the need to explore their sexuality.

Whether or not he was sexually abused, I think it would be helpful for him to get some counseling. If he is having sexual identity problems thats something a good counselor can help him work through. And just the fact that he is a runaway indicates that their are problems.

I wouldn't nescessarily say he was sexually abused just from what you described, I certainly hope not. If we was though then being in counseling could help bring that out and help him begin to deal with it. Either way its clear that he could benefit.

He is a young man and would probably respond very well to treatment at his age.

I wish you, Nathan, your nephew, and family all the best. Hope you can work everything out.

Aaron
 
Sexual exploration is sure normal at the age, as we all know. Wearing a nightgown a time or two might just be for a kick. The video taping is pretty risky. There is always a chance someone could find it and use it to balckmail him.

Why did he run away. How do other people know that he has worn a ladies nightgown, taped himself being sexual etc.?

Something is not quite normal here, I think. I agree, he needs to have an evaluation. Psychometrics and interview can point out lots of things that it could take months or years to know about.

Take care Nathan. Enjoy life.

Bob
 
Nathan
I agree with Bob, it needs proper evaluation. On it's own it isn't proof.

But for what it's worth - my acting out began in a very similar way at about that age - right at the end of the abuse.
From what I can remember I went straight onto doing stuff like that.

Dave
 
Bob,

I am not sure how much detail I should go into since this is going back to my family and all. The child "Josh" ran away because he hates his bio mom. He feels that she never loved him or cared for him. From what I have been told this is true that she has always loved her other kids more then Josh. As far as how people know about the tapes and him wearing the nightgowns I only know what I have been told. I believe his bio mom found the 12 plus nightgowns of her's in Josh's room. As far as the video tape I assume she watched it.

Thank you for your reply's my brothers. I hope that after Josh's mom reads this she will find some help for her son.

lots of love, Nathan
 
People can 'reject' their families and behave oddly towards them for many reasons.

Some part of my family that I am close to celebrated 30 years of marriage the other night with a big party at alocal leisure centre.

They have three kids, a young man of 30, and two girls about 24 and 27.
The girls did most of the party organizing and paid for the stretch limo to take their Mum and Dad there and back.

The son turned up at the party, and didn't speak to his parents at all, no card or present or anything.
He was sociable to everyone else in the big extended family but not hisparents.
So his Mum was in tears and his dad was savage.

His sister and my wife ( his aunt ) spoke to him and were told to "Fuck off" he called his sister a "Whore"

Anyway, we kept the peace and kept people apart and it was a great party in the end.

He says that because his mum and dad struggled so much when he was a boy, and had to work all hours - which they did, he had to go to hisgrandparents after school and a lot of time at weekends. But wherever he was he was loved and cared for.

Now he say's they neglected him - didn't care for him - didn't really want him ( they got married just after he was born)
And it doesn't make any difference what we all say to him, he ain't listening, and has more or less disowned his parents.

I sort of understand his logic, but I fail to understand whyan intelligent guy won't talk about it and deal with it.

Dave :confused:
 
Dave:

Sometimes the pain is too deep and wounds too
full of venom and rot that even an intelligent person cannot deal with the issue.

For years I was just such a person. Totally in denial of events and emotions. It was me against the world and by god I was going to win. Additionally I had, and still do to a certain extent, the belief that my childhood and teenager years had been torn from me and that because of that I would never ever do anything but get even. Sadly the only people I seemed to ever get even with was my wife, my daughter and myself. God I am glad I am off that path.

My parents were married in August and I was born prematurely in December weighing 9 1/2 pounds. Sure I was premature!!!!! At 9 1/2 pounds I dont think so.
 
Nathan,
I dont think the things you've described would point to abuse right away. I do think it would do him some good to have someone to talk to. Someone that wouldnt judge him for the behavor's he's showing. It's sad to me that if his mom did find video tapes like that the she would tell the whole family. He must feel quite abit of shame over it.
James
 
Nathan, I am not sure how close you are geographically to Josh. But, you would have a lot to give the boy in his hurt. You seem to have a way with your younger brothers. So, if you can be someone Josh would talk to, he might choose to tell you what is going on with him.

At least at this point, Josh has people who love him and care for him. But, it is true, that sometimes, love is not enouugh.

How are you Lad? We have not heard much since your big move. I sure hope you are happy and satisfied with the choice you made.

You take care now!

Bob
 
Hi Nathan. That is hard question. Because I am realizing more that I do NOT know what is normal sexual behavior, or the 'experimenting' like behavior in childhood and teenage years. It seems because the abuse for me started when I am ten years of age, I rather missed myself in the normal stage of learning such things. So now, I am not even certain what would be normal of me NOW. I know that another male friend that I have talked with some of this tell me it is normal for boys in their teenage years to do things to pleasure themselves sexually, things I do not even do now. So, I do not know that I can proper give opinion of this. It maybe is something normal of 15 year old, or maybe is not. I wish I could help you mmore of this. I just wished to respond in this way, because perhaps other people are as me, not sure of what is normal of that age, because of what was done at us. I wish you and him both good luck.

Leosha
 
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