a little confused

a little confused
F

fightlikehell

Registrant
So last night i finally told my brother Pat what happened to me. He sat there and listened, gave me all the time i needed and just sat there until i was finished. When I finsihed he got really ansty and started to pace the room, and i just sat there. Finally he stoped and just punched the wall, he came over to me put his hands on my shoulders and asked me who it was and i couldnt tell him. He sat down with his head down and told me to go to bed so i left.

I'm kinda confused about his reaction... and mine for that matter

- Adam
 
Adam,

that was a very brave decision you made.
He is punching the wall because all the time, he would not have been able to work out what was wrong in his brothers life.

Once you told him, he must have felt deep anger, not at you, but whoever did it.
It is a natural protective thing that he just wants to beat him up.

I guess he needed to be alone to process it, so he sent you to bed.
Hopefully it will lead to a greater bond between you both.

A word of warning, do not tell him, he may end up in jail if he confronts this perp.
Telling teh cops is the best if you feel strong enough to go through with it,

ste
 
Adam,

I'm glad you were able to tell your brother. This sounds like an older brother, right?

It's great he gave you all the time you needed and listened to you, and hopefully he will be a great resource for you as you try to decide on what to do next.

But I hope the next thing you go for will be to tell some safe adults who can take really effective action to help you. As Ste says, you might not want to give the name to your brother if his reaction is likely to be to go out and take the perp to pieces for you. That may sound like a good idea, but it could get Pat in a lot of trouble.

You refer to being confused at your reaction to the conversation. Would you like to think about that more and talk about it? What is it that's confusing you?

Much love,
Larry
 
Thanks to both of you

Yeah I know better then to tell him who it was, he has a really bad temper and yeah he is three years older then me.

But I felt bad after I told him, I myself felt better but I but I felt bad about laying this on him and upseting him. He does this thing where he over thinks things and yet cant seem to figure them out and then he gets frustrated and that turns into anger and he kinda shuts down in away and goes into a "mood" and then doesnt really talk for a couple days and now he is in said "mood" and I feel responsible b/c i told him and that upset him. So essentially i feel both better and worse for telling him, better for me worse for him

thanks
- Adam
 
Adam,

He does this thing where he over thinks things and yet cant seem to figure them out and then he gets frustrated and that turns into anger and he kinda shuts down in away and goes into a "mood" and then doesnt really talk for a couple days and now he is in said "mood" and I feel responsible b/c i told him and that upset him.
Click to expand...
This is how many people cope with bad news: they need to withdraw for a time and process things by themselves before they can come back and talk about it again

My father is like that. When I disclosed to him last November his first reactions were: 1) I love you and you will always be my son, 2) You did nothing wrong, 3) Is the bastard still alive?, and 4) "How did he get past me?" He felt he had failed me as my Dad. Over the next few days I tried to talk to him about this and assure him that he had been a great father, but he just put up his hand and told me, "Larry, please, not yet." So I backed off, but within a day or two we were talking and able to make some progress.

Your brother may be going through something similar. He sounds like the protective sort, so he may feel he has failed you as a big brother. He needs to know this isn't true and that you need him a lot now, and in fact more than ever before. He needs to bear in mind that abusers are to blame for abuse, not big brothers who didn't see what was happening.

Bottom line: It sounds like he really cares, and this is exactly what you need right now. I'm so glad you have him.

Much love,
Larry
 
I am an older brother and I treated my little brother like crap for many years but if anyone posed a threat to him I was all over it like a mother hen. He cares about you, bottom line. I am happy that you have him in your life.
 
Adam,

I've read through this thread, and immediately came to another thought as regards your brother and his reaction.

This is only a thought and not necessarily what really happened, but I'm wondering if perhaps he was also abused at some point and he's feeling guilty for not telling someone. Perhaps he's thinking the same abuser got to you. To me, that could be a plausible explanation of his reaction.

In any event, it may be wise not to share a name with him. At this point I think your best course is to find a safe adult to talk to about this. Perhaps easier said than done, I know, but for your own sake it may be time. Think about it.

Lots of love,

John
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top