A harsh reminder

[endlessjourney]

Today I was reminded of how terrifying sexual abuse can be. I have undergone multiple means of treatment for my sexual abuse issues and feel that I have gotten over the hump and have recovered progressively for the past four years. However, today I had realized how terrifying the concept of sex can be. I am used to one on one sessions with therapists but I haven't done any group sessions because they are hard to find in my area and I guess I had just put it off because I'm affraid to cry in front of a group of people. My issue is that I am still affraid to express my vulnerability for fear of judgement and for fear of someone using my vulnerability against me. I am about to graduate in december with my bachelors in psychology and personnel & industrial relations and one of my electives that I chose to take before I finish is Psychology of Sexuality. Being in such a large group, discussing sex seemed to be terrifying. I took the class to aid me in my recovery but I find myself almost shaking, and strung out during the class. However, I still make it a point to speak out in the class. I also know that the topic of sexual abuse will come up and and I feel strongly about the importance of speaking out. I am just affraid that I may lose control and start crying in the middle of class. I just want to make the point in class that sexual abuse is an enormous issue in today's society and that whoever has had to go through that should know that it's not their fault and those aggressors cannot do that to us anymore. Sounds a bit forward to those in the class who don't understand where I am coming from and I don't know how appropriate that will be in a college classroom. However, my desire is to speak out against sexual abuse. I feel am on the verge of becoming a community leader and a role model to those who are lost in the issues of childhood sexual abuse. I'm scared as hell but I don't want to let myself down on this one. I'm sure I won't but I could use a little bit of friendly advice if any of you have some to offer. I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks

"Work hard, Play hard, take care of yourself 'hard'!"

 

[roadrunner]

endlessjourney,

I'm not sure what you want support for, the idea of speaking out or what to say.

On speaking out, you might want to ask yourself how this will help you in your recovery. Why do you WANT to do this, other than the fact that it would be a challenge? Also, have you considered the fact that you might get questions that are asked innocently but could be triggering and hurtful to you? The vast majority of people don't know a thing about CSA, so it's very possible you would get questions which you would find ridiculous or insensitive.

On what to say, I guess it depends on how much time you have. Whatever the length of time I would keep it uncomplicated. Decide on a few crucial themes you want the audience to remember and stress them in your talk. If you try to cover too much you will lose your audience.

Good luck, my friend. This could be a very empowering experience for you, but do give some thought to the question of whether you are ready for this. If not, waiting would be better. There will be plenty of opportunities in the future. But if you are sure this is what you want to do, then go for it and I hope you will let us know how you do.

Much love,
Larry

 

[endlessjourney]

Thanks larry. You are always one of the first to reply to my posts. You are right about keeping it simple. College is a place of learning and I feel that my comments are in contribution to those who do and who don't understand the concepts of CSA. I am ready to do so and I appreciate your support. I will keep you posted on whats going on.

 

[Leosha]

If you are capable of speaking up in the class, I think it is very commendable. The more people get to hear of it, the more faces they can put to the crime, the more humanized it becomes to them. And the more it makes sense, and becomes something to them that must be abolished. I wish you luck in your class, and more luck if you do speak out.

Leosha