My fiance is a girl, and she is a dominant personality. Something she likes about me is I am submissive for the most part. Now that I am letting her explore dominating me in a sexual way she's having fun. I'm having new experiences. Is it weird that I find it interesting recreating my rape, but with someone I know loves me and I can stop it at any time? I don't think I could do it with a stranger, but being touched and dominated in the same way, yet in a loving way, and knowing I could say the safe word at any time and she'll stop, I just... I can't explain it. Maybe I just really wish the first time had been the same, that my pleas to stop hadn't gone ignored?
I wasn't abused by a man, though not from lack of trying when we visited my aunt. Still, I have fantasies about being dominated by men. I'm younger and grew up in the 90's when things were starting to change, and yet, it is still a big load of what the fuck. It's not something I really tell anybody about.