a funk has arrived, out of the blue

[cat lover]

I cannot point to any specific trigger, but a funk this evening has arrived out of the clear blue. Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about my peretrator, who was also my significant other, and I'm confused about why those happen. There is no anniversary date of anything right now. I haven't seen him in a year and a half, don't care to either, but still, he's in my mind someetimes. I wish he would leave it! Another survivor told me sometimes this happens. I seem to having trouble tonight giving myself permission to feel the feelings, because I don't want to feel the hurt and anger anymore. It's in the way and I'm tired of it.

 

[roadrunner]

Cat lover,

From what you say, it looks to me like there are unresolved feelings preventing you from getting closure on this. For a long time I thought that if I deny the feelings or refuse to let them out, then somehow they will just go away. But that didn't happen.

When you say this:

I seem to having trouble tonight giving myself permission to feel the feelings, because I don't want to feel the hurt and anger anymore. It's in the way and I'm tired of it.

that sounds so familiar to the tune I was playing for myself!

In my case the problem was fear. I was afraid to feel the feelings because I was afraid to lose control. What I didn't see was that (as it looks in your case) things were already getting out of control for me.

I know you're tired of it, and yes, it sucks big-time. But the feelings are there, and that's probably what's throwing you into a funk.

It's scary to let go and feel again, and I'm not even sure I am doing it yet. But even making the effort is helping me a lot. It would probably help you as well.

Take care,
Larry

 

[outis]

Catlover,

There is no anniversary date of anything right now.

Anniversaries are not the only triggers. At any time of the year mud on the side of the road can remind me of one perp's car parked in front of his apartment. Anything in your environment can be a trigger. Weather, clothes, smells. If you can sense it, it can have a relation in your memory.

I like Larry's take on at least making the effort to feel. I'm in a weekly group T session now and that's a big part of what I'm trying to do through that. Some of the feelings are not fun at all, but they're still mine, and if they haven't "gone away" after all these years, I'd be pretty stupid to think they will now. Time to try something different.

Hey, I have a ton of cats. I use various forms of "cat" in login names around the net. (Not this one, though. "outis" is from the Odyssey.) My wife collected them and only took one when she left. My kids love them. 12 outdoor cats and one indoor cat. Makes for a hefty Friskies bill, let me tell you!

Thanks,

Joe