A dream I had
johnnymike
Registrant
A decade or so ago I had a dream. I had never had a dream where I was so happy and became so sad at the end. I almost had to call off from work due to this dream. I was in so much physical and emotional pain but I may be able to write about it.
I was so happy to be the parent of a 2 1/2 year old boy. I loved him and was proud of him. He brightened my life. My life had purpose. I did not remember from the dream if I adopted or fostered him.
He reminded me of someone but I never figured out whom. He also never had a name which I find odd due to the fact that I was escaping from a very violent abusive situation where my name was never spoken. One day when my abuser called and called me by name I told him he had the wrong number because I had never heard his voice speak my name.
The dream began when I was working at the local hospital. I had been bragging about my son and a number of nurses wanted to meet him. I decided to take him in one evening to meet my co-workers. Once there I was reminded of a meeting I was expected to attend. The staff offered to keep him entertained until I returned. I went to the meeting without any concern.
When I returned from the meeting I thought they had gotten quite busy since everyone was rushing around. I said I would take my son and get out of their hair so they could do their work. One nurse finally admitted that he wandered off and they were looking for him.
I began to help in the search. I ran from room to room and some places looked familiar and some very old. I walked into a room where there was a bathtub. The tub was full of water with a towel floating on top. I lifted the towel and found my son drowned underneath the towel.
The shock woke me right up and those incredible emotions of great happiness to crushing sadness and the physical pain of the sadness was too much to bear. I smothered my cries with a pillow. I was devastated. I mourned that child for months. In some small ways I still do.
I wanted to call off sick from work but was a dream a good enough excuse? The loss of my child was as real as it would be for anyone losing a child in those first few days. My child, after all, was only a dream child.
I wonder if my search for my inner child failed because of the dream he had already died.
I was so happy to be the parent of a 2 1/2 year old boy. I loved him and was proud of him. He brightened my life. My life had purpose. I did not remember from the dream if I adopted or fostered him.
He reminded me of someone but I never figured out whom. He also never had a name which I find odd due to the fact that I was escaping from a very violent abusive situation where my name was never spoken. One day when my abuser called and called me by name I told him he had the wrong number because I had never heard his voice speak my name.
The dream began when I was working at the local hospital. I had been bragging about my son and a number of nurses wanted to meet him. I decided to take him in one evening to meet my co-workers. Once there I was reminded of a meeting I was expected to attend. The staff offered to keep him entertained until I returned. I went to the meeting without any concern.
When I returned from the meeting I thought they had gotten quite busy since everyone was rushing around. I said I would take my son and get out of their hair so they could do their work. One nurse finally admitted that he wandered off and they were looking for him.
I began to help in the search. I ran from room to room and some places looked familiar and some very old. I walked into a room where there was a bathtub. The tub was full of water with a towel floating on top. I lifted the towel and found my son drowned underneath the towel.
The shock woke me right up and those incredible emotions of great happiness to crushing sadness and the physical pain of the sadness was too much to bear. I smothered my cries with a pillow. I was devastated. I mourned that child for months. In some small ways I still do.
I wanted to call off sick from work but was a dream a good enough excuse? The loss of my child was as real as it would be for anyone losing a child in those first few days. My child, after all, was only a dream child.
I wonder if my search for my inner child failed because of the dream he had already died.
