A difficult subject, angry at female survivors of male abusers
dark empathy
Registrant
Today on the news, both sky news and bbc, there were items about the sentencing of R Kelly.
There was even a snippet from one of his victims saying how she was just a young girl and he smashed her dreams, and how his sentencing was justice for her and his other victims (thankfully she confined this to herself and his victims specifically, and didn't go on about all women).
My lady said: "sorry, but he is a monster."
I replied "Yes, but I hope this isn't going to mean yet more me too rubbish."
We didn't get into an argument, as we sometimes have when I get angry at the me too bullshit and my sense of powerlessness, but I can't deny my lady was right.
On a moral level, yes, obviously, R Kelly and people like him are monsters, on a moral level, I can even wish the victim well, like I wish the survivors of the September 11th Terror attacks well. I don't know them, I won't ever likely meat them, being in another country, but I hope they're alright.
But I can't deny part of me is feeling actually angry at his victim!
not angry for speaking out, but angry because I'm sure she'll get all the comforting and cositing, be told how brave and strong and couragious she is, get to join the sisterhood, be held up as a shining example for all women on resisting athe patriarchy! I'm sure she'll get chat shows and attention and, lots of people validating her healing!
And of course, whenever someone tries to stay that not all men are abusive, R Kelly will just go up along side the likes of Weinstein, and the angry feminists will say:
"Yes, but look at these powerful men, who use their position to abuse the poor little women! oh woe is the fucking patriarchy!"
I actually feel conflicted! I don't want! to be angry at this woman who spoke out, I don't want! to be jealous of her attention, I should be applauding her.
But, because she's a woman, because she's getting all the attention and love, because it feels like she's got her hole life ahead of her while I'm stuck in a holding pattern I do honestly feel jealous of her.
This isn't to say I don't think R Kelly should've been prosicuted, he's in prison for the next thirty years and that's the best place for him, but I do! wish that I could just say:
"throw him in jail!" and be done with that, and not! be thinking at all of the other implications of this, or of the help and attention and success which his victims will be getting.
Yeah I know, this is probably a taboo subject, I know I should! be sympathetic to female abuse survivors, heck odds are if I met the woman in person I probably would be.
But with how shitty the world seems to be and how much power female victims, or even women in general get, I honestly am not sure what to think.
Sorry for dumping this here, but its probably the best way to process this.
Oh and btw, if anyone is thinking I should "bring this up with my therapist", I don't have a therapist, because when I checked once again, the Nhs doesn't offer therapy when abuse is not by a family member, since they expect the court to pay for it otherwise, something I'm sure R Kelly's victims will get lots of.
Luke.
There was even a snippet from one of his victims saying how she was just a young girl and he smashed her dreams, and how his sentencing was justice for her and his other victims (thankfully she confined this to herself and his victims specifically, and didn't go on about all women).
My lady said: "sorry, but he is a monster."
I replied "Yes, but I hope this isn't going to mean yet more me too rubbish."
We didn't get into an argument, as we sometimes have when I get angry at the me too bullshit and my sense of powerlessness, but I can't deny my lady was right.
On a moral level, yes, obviously, R Kelly and people like him are monsters, on a moral level, I can even wish the victim well, like I wish the survivors of the September 11th Terror attacks well. I don't know them, I won't ever likely meat them, being in another country, but I hope they're alright.
But I can't deny part of me is feeling actually angry at his victim!
not angry for speaking out, but angry because I'm sure she'll get all the comforting and cositing, be told how brave and strong and couragious she is, get to join the sisterhood, be held up as a shining example for all women on resisting athe patriarchy! I'm sure she'll get chat shows and attention and, lots of people validating her healing!
And of course, whenever someone tries to stay that not all men are abusive, R Kelly will just go up along side the likes of Weinstein, and the angry feminists will say:
"Yes, but look at these powerful men, who use their position to abuse the poor little women! oh woe is the fucking patriarchy!"
I actually feel conflicted! I don't want! to be angry at this woman who spoke out, I don't want! to be jealous of her attention, I should be applauding her.
But, because she's a woman, because she's getting all the attention and love, because it feels like she's got her hole life ahead of her while I'm stuck in a holding pattern I do honestly feel jealous of her.
This isn't to say I don't think R Kelly should've been prosicuted, he's in prison for the next thirty years and that's the best place for him, but I do! wish that I could just say:
"throw him in jail!" and be done with that, and not! be thinking at all of the other implications of this, or of the help and attention and success which his victims will be getting.
Yeah I know, this is probably a taboo subject, I know I should! be sympathetic to female abuse survivors, heck odds are if I met the woman in person I probably would be.
But with how shitty the world seems to be and how much power female victims, or even women in general get, I honestly am not sure what to think.
Sorry for dumping this here, but its probably the best way to process this.
Oh and btw, if anyone is thinking I should "bring this up with my therapist", I don't have a therapist, because when I checked once again, the Nhs doesn't offer therapy when abuse is not by a family member, since they expect the court to pay for it otherwise, something I'm sure R Kelly's victims will get lots of.
Luke.