a different post

[roadrunner]

Proteus,

I am almost 31 years old and to this day I cannot walk across a room or down a hall way without the light being on because he used to jump out and scare me a lot. Several times he used to send me outside at night and wouldn't let me turn the light on and then he would sneak out the back door and come around just to scare me.

The man who abused me also played games with the lights, and as a result I am still uncomfortable in a strange bedroom, or even in my own house if I am alone, unless I have a night light on. When I was still in denial I wondered what was wrong with me. I put it down to seeing horror films when I was a boy. I didn't yet realize the horror film was the one I had been living.

More recently I have sometimes felt ashamed about this business of needing a light. But now I have learned to accept that this is just one of those things I need, like certain medications.

One thing that has changed now is that at home I am rarely alone, even if my wife is away, thanks to a huge and extremely affectionate German Shepherd. If that route doesn't work for you, have you thought of a stuffed animal? You would be amazing at how many of the guys here have them.

Much love,
Larry

 

[roadrunner]

Rereading the thread fills me with the feelings that Bobby expresses. After awhile you think you have seen or read it all, but it is still so terribly wrong. All those little boys - and others whose storied or brutality we have heard - needed to be held close, told they were okay and taken to a place where they could live in safety. Beyond this, words fail me.

Much love,
Larry