A Decade of Silence **Possible Triggers**

Placebo

Registrant
Ten years ago I was on deployment in Iraq. I was a 92F and I spent most of my time on convoys with my team to resupply my FOB with fuel. Back home my wife was pregnant & when she entered her third trimester I stopped going on convoys “just in case”. That meant I usually manned my FOB’s fuel point alone. I had a routine of filling up humvees, fuel cans, & occasionally these crappy white civilian cars higher ups would use to drive around the FOB. Everything was going great until one day, just before sundown, one of those crappy white cars pulled up behind my fuel truck. I didn’t know the guy who got out & asked for a fill up, plus he was in PT’s so he had no rank or name tag either. He looked like your average PT stud. Tall, muscular, high & tight, dark Oakleys. There was nothing unusual about him or the scenario. No warning signs that I can remember. After his gas tank was full, I put my fuel hose back in the truck. I turned back around to tell him so long, but in an instant he grabbed me by my ACU top & pulled me down. I landed on my hands and knees & my face was now in front of his exposed hard dick. He grabbed my head and shoved his dick into my mouth. It all happened so fast I was having trouble thinking. I was choking & gagging. I grabbed his wrist but couldn't get his hands off my head. I tried pulling away, but he just pulled me back onto his cock. I think the whole attacked only lasted a minute & he was soon cumming in my mouth. He pulled out, hopped into his car, and drove off. I was left on the ground puking up his cum and trying to catch my breath. I was crying & thinking to myself, “What the FUCK just happened?” Looking around I realized I was all alone. The fuel point was isolated on purpose. And with the berms to protect the trucks from incoming missiles, no one would have seen what happened. I had no idea what to do next so I returned to my empty sleeping quarters to cry & think. My team wouldn’t be back from the supply run until the morning. I though about telling them what happened when they got back, but I decided against it. I came up with dozens of reasons why I should stay quiet. Mostly I didn’t want the whole thing to become a joke, I remembered all the safety stand down classes on sexual assault we had. Although man on woman assault was always taken serious, man on man assault was always the “funny part” of the class. Thats when even the instructor would make jokes. A few weeks later I was on my way home for emergency leave as my wife was having complications with the pregnancy. My son was born premature and had to spend a month in the hospital. This now became my main concern and the memory of the attack was buried so I could focus on my family. So I kept quiet for 10 years, even from my wife who divorced me years later. I didn't even realize how distant and closed off I was becoming from her. I fooled myself into thinking I had gotten over it, that it didn’t bother me anymore. But when the memory was recently triggered, I finally told my therapist about the attack. After finally telling someone about it, I knew I had to let it out somehow. I know my attacker will never get caught, so I’m hoping this helps me find some kind of closure. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.
 

BMB

Registrant
Dear Placebo.

I am sorry about what happened to you, and about the consequences of it. I wish nobody had to go through these situations.

I am not a military survivor, I come from a different culture and the assaults I suffered were different than yours.

Despite all of that, your disclosure not only helps you to put things out of your chest as you said but also helps me deal with my own things: I can read myself on what you posted, the consequences of what you suffered, and your path to deal with it. So, personally, I am the one who needs to thank you.

Also, thank you for trusting us. There are nice people here willing to support each other to thrive on our journey, so feel free to post and open up if you feel like doing it.
 
Mine happened stateside when I was at my formal school. I hid it for over 30 years, even disclosing my CSA 6 years ago and getting therapy and never bringing me being raped in the military up. I didn’t realize how bad that assault messed up my life. I’m in therapy now and it’s tough but I am moving forward. Stay strong, and there are a lot of good people on here who can give support.
 

BDD

Registrant
Placebo,

you carried to much for to long. I am glad you have broken your silence. What a horrendous experience. I am so sorry you jore the brunt of that pigs sickness.
 

Placebo

Registrant
Thank you for the kind words. I thought the best way to deal with the attack was to just pretend it didn't happen. And I applaud anyone who does come forward because it takes a lot of courage to do so. I am glad I was already in therapy when the memories & emotions all came flooding back. I fear what might have happened if I didn't have that resource.
 
Placebo,

You are actually very brave to do this and it does without saying crap like this should never happen for absolutely any reason. I hope that getting to vent about this was able to help you some. I hope you can go forward and put this behind you where it needs to be. I don't know what happens to these brain damaged zombies which makes them act like this. Very Sorry, Be Well,

Respectfully,
jrperkey010101
 

Placebo

Registrant
Thank you, it does feel good to finally talk about it. It's definitely easier online. When I originally told my therapist I sobbed through the whole thing. My biggest hope is that the army has changed since I got out. When this happened to me, DADT had just ended, in my unit none of the males were out, so gay jokes were still prevalent & the fear of my attack becoming a joke weighed heavy on my mind. I truly hope that soldiers now feel safer about coming forward than I did.
 
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