A cure for genophobia

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A cure for genophobia

dark empathy

Registrant
As anyone who's seen my posts probably knows already, L, My star and I have just spent nearly a fortnight together before she had to go back to the states.

She knows my history, and is a qualified counselor herself though hasn't worked for a while, however has previously talked to male survivers. She was quite aware I am genophobic, and that we'd be sleeping separately, at least until I was ready.

As it turned out, things went far more quickly than either of us expected, indeed L said she was extremely proud of me for just how quickly.
I still feel shy talking about this too much, but one thing above everything else surprised me.

I loved how much pleasure she got from things. Not just making love, but just sitting and cuddling, holding hands, or running fingers through each other's hair.
One reason I have always been so terrified is I really! hated the idea of putting someone else through what I went through, indeed I've had nightmares on the subject.
Of course I gathered it was! something people ganed pleasure from, but I always assumed this was a one way thing (not helped by all those feminists and their "the glories of female s/xuality hobby horse).

Yet, I actually found that the pleasure I! could give to the person I love most made me feel far better about things myself, indeed L often said she could feel how much I loved her just through the touch of my fingers.

The situation was also of course reciprical, particularly sinse L was always very happy to slow down or stop if what she did became too intensive.

Of course this isn't to say things are solved. Though L and I became very quickly comfortable with each other, whether this extends to adult humour or other situations I don't know. Equally, the physical aspect of what we have is just one part of things (we also spent considerable time listening to music and singing duettes), however it really did surprise me that in this particular instance, for all the therapy and venting and attempts to help myself, love simply was the answer.
 
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