A Break from Worry
sweet-n-sour
Registrant
I'm feeling calm this week. This is a bit of a surprise to me since I have the kiddies home and there have been a few squabbles between them. Nothing serious, but the differences they express (loudly) add to an atmosphere of normalcy around here.
I decided to take a break from worry during the holidays. I'm not sure if it is entirely possible or if it's just wishful thinking on my part.
Since my H disclosed back towards the beginning of July, I've had moments that have pendulumed from numb to extreme anxiety. There was definitely a sense of falling unraveled and since things have calmed down a bit I keep waiting for the next crisis-round to approach. This week I began to wonder...what if the biggest obstacles in our relationship are all behind us?
The most difficult part for me to cope with was husband's compulsive acting out and his sexual identity issues. It could have escalated to where he cheated on me...and it appeared as if his fantasy life was progressing in that direction. I happened to read some correspondence on his computer and it was none too soon. In retrospect, this was all for the best...all for the best indeed. I really didn't know the full scope of what his battle with depression was about and he didn't have any plans of enlightening me. On that fateful day he was backed into a corner and did the only thing he could possibly do...open up with the truth.
I can only imagine how difficult it was for him to speak those words, to let go enough to trust me. Inside all of us rests a soul just needing to be understood and loved for who we are.
Between then and now I've seen my H do a complete turn about. In present day he seems more tranquil and there is a sense of self-acceptance. Laughter is gradually overthrowing the one time standard of grumpiness...and we are all very fortunate for this transformation.
None of us can change the past...the only power we have is in how we desire to live today and how we plan to live in the light of tomorrow. Maybe this Christmas I did receive what I had been wishing for...the remarkable gift of having my family back. Peace.
I decided to take a break from worry during the holidays. I'm not sure if it is entirely possible or if it's just wishful thinking on my part.
Since my H disclosed back towards the beginning of July, I've had moments that have pendulumed from numb to extreme anxiety. There was definitely a sense of falling unraveled and since things have calmed down a bit I keep waiting for the next crisis-round to approach. This week I began to wonder...what if the biggest obstacles in our relationship are all behind us?
The most difficult part for me to cope with was husband's compulsive acting out and his sexual identity issues. It could have escalated to where he cheated on me...and it appeared as if his fantasy life was progressing in that direction. I happened to read some correspondence on his computer and it was none too soon. In retrospect, this was all for the best...all for the best indeed. I really didn't know the full scope of what his battle with depression was about and he didn't have any plans of enlightening me. On that fateful day he was backed into a corner and did the only thing he could possibly do...open up with the truth.
I can only imagine how difficult it was for him to speak those words, to let go enough to trust me. Inside all of us rests a soul just needing to be understood and loved for who we are.
Between then and now I've seen my H do a complete turn about. In present day he seems more tranquil and there is a sense of self-acceptance. Laughter is gradually overthrowing the one time standard of grumpiness...and we are all very fortunate for this transformation.
None of us can change the past...the only power we have is in how we desire to live today and how we plan to live in the light of tomorrow. Maybe this Christmas I did receive what I had been wishing for...the remarkable gift of having my family back. Peace.