.

Really had no sense of self and was hungry for advice on every single decision I made. Clueless about who I was and what I stood for, and anyone who I idealized, I instantly took their advice.

Having no person of my own made me a prime target for people who desire to control others.

You will regain your ability to make decisions for yourself once you find what it is that you need to regain trust in yourself and confidence in your own abilities.
 
Good morning. Your position here is unsettling and there are serious concerns for your safety. Briefly, I have often found myself in coercive situations with a perp. I was drawn to the intrigue, the risk and that all too familiar need to please in exchange for some false affection and attention. Try to avoid the trap. This can only end in disaster for your mental and spiritual health. I'm not a therapist but I do have decades of recovery that can tell you that as magnetic as this may feel resigning yourself to it/him in a toxic and familiar way justifies you being alarmed. Listen to that voice. Step aside and move away. Take a hard look at why you are attracted to the danger; how you might be reenacting some past abuse and seek therapy if you require help resisting this. At least spend more time here to get some support. This man is a perp. He is acquiring great satisfaction in engaging and controlling you. Don't commit to being his prey. Ask yourself this .... If my ten year old son were being subjected to this what would I do? Then just do it. And soon. Please.
 
No one should be manipulating you. That is not a healthy or safe situation. You deserve better. You are very vulnerable right now. and this individual knows that and is using it against you. For your sake, please break off communication with this person.
 
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