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- Thread starterindygal
- Start date
sweet-n-sour
Registrant
Dear Indy:
Csa is everywhere I'm afraid...I certainly wish it wasn't. When I was a teenager, I learned my brother's children were abused by the son of their babysitter. When the older daughter (my niece) told their mother the truth, my brother's ex-wife instructed her to remain silent because she had no other options for babysitting. Can you imagine the horror of telling your mom and her neglecting to protect you? Three out of the four children were abused by this monster...and he ran from the police and got away with it.
About four years later, my sister's youngest daughter who is autistic was abused by someone within the school where she attended. Because the girl was special needs and could not fully communicate, we may never know exactly what happened to her.
These to me were very difficult realities to cope with while growing up. I love my nieces/nephews and it brings me such overwhelm to know what they faced at the time and the heavy basket they carry with them in their hearts today.
Finally, my H and I have been married for eighteen years, I've known him for half of my life... When H began going through his depression five or six years ago, he mentioned under his breath that he might have been abused but was not ready to discuss it. This past summer he finally disclosed. I know the end result of csa. It is not an easy reality to face. The guilt and shame nearly ate him alive. This past year has been one of the most difficult to face but there is hope. With therapy and support it is all slowly getting better.
I'm not sure why csa happens or what makes someone believe that they are entitled to harm another person in such a damaging way. I pray for it all to stop and it makes me particularly protective to all of the kids around me. I have a simple thought that goes through my mind regarding my children, their friends and any other children that may be vulnerable..."not on my watch!"
Indy, I'm not sure if there is any dealing with it...it is far too big of an issue. We can however, make a difference by simply standing up and speaking out to prevent csa.
Best wishes to you,
s-n-s
Csa is everywhere I'm afraid...I certainly wish it wasn't. When I was a teenager, I learned my brother's children were abused by the son of their babysitter. When the older daughter (my niece) told their mother the truth, my brother's ex-wife instructed her to remain silent because she had no other options for babysitting. Can you imagine the horror of telling your mom and her neglecting to protect you? Three out of the four children were abused by this monster...and he ran from the police and got away with it.
About four years later, my sister's youngest daughter who is autistic was abused by someone within the school where she attended. Because the girl was special needs and could not fully communicate, we may never know exactly what happened to her.
These to me were very difficult realities to cope with while growing up. I love my nieces/nephews and it brings me such overwhelm to know what they faced at the time and the heavy basket they carry with them in their hearts today.
Finally, my H and I have been married for eighteen years, I've known him for half of my life... When H began going through his depression five or six years ago, he mentioned under his breath that he might have been abused but was not ready to discuss it. This past summer he finally disclosed. I know the end result of csa. It is not an easy reality to face. The guilt and shame nearly ate him alive. This past year has been one of the most difficult to face but there is hope. With therapy and support it is all slowly getting better.
I'm not sure why csa happens or what makes someone believe that they are entitled to harm another person in such a damaging way. I pray for it all to stop and it makes me particularly protective to all of the kids around me. I have a simple thought that goes through my mind regarding my children, their friends and any other children that may be vulnerable..."not on my watch!"
Indy, I'm not sure if there is any dealing with it...it is far too big of an issue. We can however, make a difference by simply standing up and speaking out to prevent csa.
Best wishes to you,
s-n-s
Indy,
I didn't read your post as full of self pity at all. It is hard. It's hard to deal with and it's even harder to try and do something about. Since my b/f disclosed to me, everyone I meet is suspect - were they abused? or are they an abuser? I find it very difficult not to try and make that judgment the minute I meet someone new or even when I look at someone I've known for years, or even a total stranger I see at my local Krausers. My eyes have been opened to a whole new way of thinking. Most of it is good - I appreciate the knowledge I've earned because it helps me, helps my b/f and may help someone in the future, but at the same time, it's difficult to have the world you've always known suddenly colored with different crayons. It's getting better, but it's still there no matter how much I don't want it to be.
It's a time thing I think, to learn to keep your eyes always opened but not let them get burned by the sun. Awareness is not bad it's good and making others aware is even better. But we have to learn to deal with that new awareness and that's hard as hell because of the overwhelming nature and far reaching effects of csa.
ROCK ON.........Trish
I didn't read your post as full of self pity at all. It is hard. It's hard to deal with and it's even harder to try and do something about. Since my b/f disclosed to me, everyone I meet is suspect - were they abused? or are they an abuser? I find it very difficult not to try and make that judgment the minute I meet someone new or even when I look at someone I've known for years, or even a total stranger I see at my local Krausers. My eyes have been opened to a whole new way of thinking. Most of it is good - I appreciate the knowledge I've earned because it helps me, helps my b/f and may help someone in the future, but at the same time, it's difficult to have the world you've always known suddenly colored with different crayons. It's getting better, but it's still there no matter how much I don't want it to be.
It's a time thing I think, to learn to keep your eyes always opened but not let them get burned by the sun. Awareness is not bad it's good and making others aware is even better. But we have to learn to deal with that new awareness and that's hard as hell because of the overwhelming nature and far reaching effects of csa.
ROCK ON.........Trish
Brokenhearted
Registrant
May I just add that there IS such a thing as "Secondary Trauma" which happens to therapists and also those who care about the survivors....so we are going through secondary trauma ourselves.....I wonder if anyone on the board here has any advice as to how to deal....I am sure therapists must have tools they use to deal with it all or how else could they do their jobs and deal w/ other people's trauma constantly???????
sweet-n-sour
Registrant
That's very interesting about "secondary trauma" Brokenhearted...thanks for bringing it up.
s-n-s
s-n-s
Brokenhearted
Registrant
ARTICLE ON VICARIOUS TRAUMA and what to do about it - good for all of us family/friends of survivors:
https://muskie.usm.maine.edu/helpkids/rcpdfs/Sec.Trauma-foster.pdf
https://muskie.usm.maine.edu/helpkids/rcpdfs/Sec.Trauma-foster.pdf