Dear SB,
It's understandable that he would find all that testimony difficult. It sounds like you said good and encouraging things when he came back in distress. I can appreciate your wish that he would simply take care of himself better; I go through that all the time with my bf, who is not always very consistent with his medications. Again and again, and yet again, we keep on trying. It may be worth it, if your bf hasn't already, to make sure that the dosages are well-calibrated. Some of the stuff has really disagreeable side-effects, too, and that diminishes one's interest in taking them.
But finally I myself have come to understand how important it is not to get sucked in to the notion that my bf will not survive without my constant interventions. I do understand that literally it can be a life-or-death moment, we have had some of those too. (He did eventually promise that he would never harm himself, and that if he were to seriously consider it he would seek help. So far, so good.) He has muddled through somehow all these years by himself, and can continue to do so (even if it's not the "best" possible way). Me, too, for that matter, and of course it's much easier to try to tend to his baggage than to look after my own....
I do (as you know) also simply hate to be left w/o warning. But the most centering thing I think we can probably do for ourselves and for these men we love is to show them that we care for ourselves just as we care for them. That it's not a zero-sum game, all for one and none for someone else, but plenty of love to go around for everyone.
Speaking of therapeutic techniques, my bf has had pretty good results with "eye movement desensitization & reprocessing," or EMDR. My one qualification is that I suspect some therapists may expect it to do most everything, but in my opinion there is still a lot of overlay (behavior patterns etc.) that need to be addressed once the trauma experience itself is less acute for the body-memory.
I don't really mean this as "advice" to you, I hope you know; so much of that is often directed at ourselves anyway, it seems to me.
Good luck in the crisis and good wishes for a long respite soon.
HG
