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- Thread starterjacobtk
- Start date
batcountry
Registrant
i dont think i understood. i dont really know anymore, i think there are still things i dont realize or understand. i thought it was just another kind of being overpowered/beat up by those older than me i guess.
ScottyTodd
Registrant
Jacobtk - For me, the perps made me feel guilty and when I told my parents I got beat and told it was my fault. Still I did not think it was abuse but just sexual play. I thought that all throughout my childhood where I was sexual with all my friends (male/female). I thought that throughout my adolescence having sex with some females/mostly all males) and up until my 20's when I felt I wanted to get married. I became exclusively heterosexual behaviors about 6 years after I married. All this time I thought I was a bad, sexual kid. I counted one time finding I had over 500 sexual thoughts a day (I counted those I entertained for more than 2-3 minutes). It wasn't until I was in my 40's reading a book by Joyce Woititz about abuse and D&A that it STRUCK me I was sexually abused from 5 through 13 [molested, raped in an alley, over 40 partners] and let the abuse reaction rule my life through age 27( over 75 partners). When I finally had a name for what happened to an innocent, naive 5 year old, I could start on my journey to recovery and healing. I have passed through many deep waters and wrestled with many of my "demons" over the years. Today, I'm trying to cope with the scars both emotionally and psychologically. Presently, I believe it is easier to at least get started earlier because we have an public name to describe IT and people who believe it can happen and a place to take it where people listen, share,understand, support!!
Howard
Howard
Stefan012
Registrant
It took me a long time before I understood that What happened at home was not normal, nor okey.
My father had hit me all my life, when he started to also s.abuse me i was only 7.
I didnt understand what it was, I just thought of it as another way that adults hurt children.
Not until i was about 10, i realised this kinda stuf isnt normal and that it didnt happen in every other house too.
I didnt really question if what happened was good or not, or that maybe it should/could be stopped.
I was 14 when i was placed in a fosterhome where the same stuff happened. I guess that didnt help much either. Thankfully after I went home to my father, the s.abuse stopped.
When I was 15 I started to think of it as something bad, something that isnt alright. Before that I just accepted it as something happening to me.
Now I'm waiting to turn 18, so i can get out of the house with I hope, not to much trouble.
Stefan.
My father had hit me all my life, when he started to also s.abuse me i was only 7.
I didnt understand what it was, I just thought of it as another way that adults hurt children.
Not until i was about 10, i realised this kinda stuf isnt normal and that it didnt happen in every other house too.
I didnt really question if what happened was good or not, or that maybe it should/could be stopped.
I was 14 when i was placed in a fosterhome where the same stuff happened. I guess that didnt help much either. Thankfully after I went home to my father, the s.abuse stopped.
When I was 15 I started to think of it as something bad, something that isnt alright. Before that I just accepted it as something happening to me.
Now I'm waiting to turn 18, so i can get out of the house with I hope, not to much trouble.
Stefan.
melliferal
Registrant
I knew that it was something you weren't supposed to do, but I didn't understand the depths of it.
The closest thing I can compare it to is "peer pressure". They were adults and I was not, but I still looked at them as my friends. And adult friends are the coolest, because they'll often let you do things you're not usually allowed to do at home, like stay up late. So when they got us into doing it, and told us that it was OK as long as we only did it around them, it became just another "cool thing" they let me do that I couldn't do otherwise.
Like jacobtk, I think I was vaguely aware of the concept of "abuse"; but I thought of abuse as something bad or hurtful, and what we did certainly didn't seem that way. At the time.
The closest thing I can compare it to is "peer pressure". They were adults and I was not, but I still looked at them as my friends. And adult friends are the coolest, because they'll often let you do things you're not usually allowed to do at home, like stay up late. So when they got us into doing it, and told us that it was OK as long as we only did it around them, it became just another "cool thing" they let me do that I couldn't do otherwise.
Like jacobtk, I think I was vaguely aware of the concept of "abuse"; but I thought of abuse as something bad or hurtful, and what we did certainly didn't seem that way. At the time.
Jacob,
On a very basic level I knew what was happening to me was wrong, that it shouldn't be happening. But being a typical child I took all the blame for it on myself is there was blame to be taken.
Like you say, I did modify the story in my mind in order to make sense of it all. It was really just play, etc.
Lots of love,
John
On a very basic level I knew what was happening to me was wrong, that it shouldn't be happening. But being a typical child I took all the blame for it on myself is there was blame to be taken.
Like you say, I did modify the story in my mind in order to make sense of it all. It was really just play, etc.
Lots of love,
John
I remember being confused and not understanding what was happening and why. I was about 10 before I realized it was wrong.... but I was always told that I must always trust older family members and do what they say, or be beaten. Through manipulation I was lead to believe that this "thing" happened between everyone who cared about another person. All I knew at the time is that everyone kept hurting me and I wanted it to stop. Kids are taught not to trust strangers and that their house is a safe haven. i.e. Never unlock the door to a stranger. So when this stuff happens in what is supposed to be your safe place by a person who the kid should be able to trust and used to lool up to... perps are easily able to deceive a innocent child and convince them that abuse is another word for caring, friendship, love, or some other bull. shit.
Alexander
Registrant
My parents never payed any attention to me all my life. They ignored me the best they could. And at the few times they did acknowledge me existence it was never positive. Except maybe to the outside world, I dont know.
So when a 'friend of the family' payed attention to me, I was thrilled. I was 9 years old.
Very soon though it led to him r&p**g me and I started to hate it when he would come over. Wich was as often as he wanted to, because my parents were never home anyway.
I always blamed myself for it though.
Didn't really understand what it was that was happening to me. Or that it was really wrong.
Thought very low of myself. Started to keep everyone at a distance, tried to be invisible, wich worked really well, except with him.
When I was 12 we got 'info lessons' at school about all kind of things, drugs/alcohol/gambling, but also about different kinds of abuse, under wich s.abuse
I was like 'wait... that's me!'
And even though I should have known better, I told my father about it.
He didn't want to believe though, started yelling, beat me up, said he couldnt believe I would lie about such a thing, etc etc.
When I was 15, june '06 he also started to bring someone else with him. They beat me up pretty badly and I don't know how I did it, but I dragged myself to school anyway, where they of course saw something was wrong, and pushed me to tell them what had happened.. So eventually I told them. They brought me to the hospital, got police etc involved. My dad came to yell at me in the hospital and to tell me that they didnt want me anymore, wich is the last I've seen/heard of them.
Main abuser 1 was arrested almost inmedeatly and nr. 2 after he attacked me after school and r*p** and beat me up then some months later.
But at least they're now both in jail.
So I guess at first I didn't understand it was wrong or anything, but when I did know, it took me a few years anyway to get out of it.. And only thanks to school.
So when a 'friend of the family' payed attention to me, I was thrilled. I was 9 years old.
Very soon though it led to him r&p**g me and I started to hate it when he would come over. Wich was as often as he wanted to, because my parents were never home anyway.
I always blamed myself for it though.
Didn't really understand what it was that was happening to me. Or that it was really wrong.
Thought very low of myself. Started to keep everyone at a distance, tried to be invisible, wich worked really well, except with him.
When I was 12 we got 'info lessons' at school about all kind of things, drugs/alcohol/gambling, but also about different kinds of abuse, under wich s.abuse
I was like 'wait... that's me!'
And even though I should have known better, I told my father about it.
He didn't want to believe though, started yelling, beat me up, said he couldnt believe I would lie about such a thing, etc etc.
When I was 15, june '06 he also started to bring someone else with him. They beat me up pretty badly and I don't know how I did it, but I dragged myself to school anyway, where they of course saw something was wrong, and pushed me to tell them what had happened.. So eventually I told them. They brought me to the hospital, got police etc involved. My dad came to yell at me in the hospital and to tell me that they didnt want me anymore, wich is the last I've seen/heard of them.
Main abuser 1 was arrested almost inmedeatly and nr. 2 after he attacked me after school and r*p** and beat me up then some months later.
But at least they're now both in jail.
So I guess at first I didn't understand it was wrong or anything, but when I did know, it took me a few years anyway to get out of it.. And only thanks to school.
reality2k4
Registrant
Its almost unbelievable how families refuse to accept responsibility in life.
Unfortunately its not the minority but the norm for families.
I have all but given up on my own family, now that they are trying to control my life.
Why? Dont they just stay away.
ste
Unfortunately its not the minority but the norm for families.
I have all but given up on my own family, now that they are trying to control my life.
Why? Dont they just stay away.
ste