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I finally followed up with NCMEC on my pics. No, I had no match.

I have mixed feelings: POSITIVE, since there are no **known** pics of me being circulated, but also NEGATIVE because this would have offered proof of the trafficking, and by affiliation, my father's involvement in the trafficking. and the idea that pics of me may still be out there in circulation, just not being "caught" yet by authorities.
 
and my pics have been saved in their system so any future pics that are found will be compared and I will be notified of any matches.
 
Hey NC

What is the NCMEC?

As far as pictures, I'm sure that anything that was traded or belonged to a group was shared. If it was shared then they are now out someplace on the net. Maybe deep down but they are there.

I have seen pictures of myself via a simple Google search (I have stopped any searches in 2014 with the recommendation of my T). Many pictures of myself mostly with bathing suits but there are enough nude pictures. Nothing sexual and can be found mostly on Russian naturist sites.

I'm sure that if there were pictures taken in a predatory manner then they are out there someplace, most probably on the deep web. I was warned to stay away from that by my T in 2014.

I don't know how many pictures of you were taken but knowing what I do about pictures from the past (like the '60s) many pictures will never be matched to a person. Added birthmarks, changed hair color is common. I have found pictures of me with my natural blond hair and the same exact picture with brown hair.
 
I have mixed feelings
I felt the same way. Out of their millions of images they didn't have a match and said that a lot of child porn has been made and only some of the old stuff has made it online yet.
I was relieved but also wasn't too sure. When I was talking to them they said they had experts who would look at the picture and would be able to remember if it was in the data base because that is what they do and are extremely good at remembering and matching the pictures. So it sounded like they weren't using facial recognition software yet. The technology is just getting where they can match faces that aren't lined up. I think if they start using that they will find more matches. And it wouldn't surprise me if they use it now for newly made porn so they can tract down and save the kid.

I wondered if they feel with old child porn there isn't a lot of benefit for using up a lot resources. And if the expert looks at it and doesn't immediately recognize it they can tell us it isn't online and we will feel better and they can go back to looking for kids who are being abused now.

Who knows maybe they tired of my porn and threw it away. Or it is still in a closet some where. Or maybe I am a preschool porn star big on the dark web.

In the end where ever it is, I decided it doesn't change my life now. I am trying to focus on the here and now. Focusing on building my life with my family and friends.
 
Hey Toad
I wondered if they feel with old child porn there isn't a lot of benefit for using up a lot resources. And if the expert looks at it and doesn't immediately recognize it they can tell us it isn't online and we will feel better and they can go back to looking for kids who are being abused now.
Of the thousands of pictures taken of me or any of us we really don't know what makes those photos or movies go around, saved, posted, or destroyed. But I think that there are two important points about conducting investigations on new and old media. The first is to save children from being abused. They have to be saved now. The second would be for people like us that would love to see our abusers pay for the shit done to us and possibly still doing to other kids.

I think that both should be looked into with the emphasis on saving today's kids. While I wouldn't like the person who trafficked me to be investigated (for my own safety) I would love to see those johns that had apartments in NYC for work and lived out of state to get nailed. They could bed a kid every night. I would love to see a john go to jail, whether for a $10 trick, $500 date, or $1,000 weekend. Nobody uses one kid and then stops. They keep going back for more and more. I've read the news about pedos starting their abuse when they were in their early teens and still doing it when they were in their 60's and 70', maybe longer. I remember going to johns where their family pictures are scattered around their posh apartments. If they had to work over the weekend they would rent me for the whole weekend. Hopefully buying my ass saved their kids from being abused but I also realize that if it wasn't me, they used other kids like me, or their own kids, to get their rocks off.

These people don't stop and they can go through generations of children. Go to any city and we will find street kids being sold or selling themselves. I've gone through my old haunts and kids are still there and still up for sale.
 
Hey Toad

Of the thousands of pictures taken of me or any of us we really don't know what makes those photos or movies go around, saved, posted, or destroyed. But I think that there are two important points about conducting investigations on new and old media. The first is to save children from being abused. They have to be saved now. The second would be for people like us that would love to see our abusers pay for the shit done to us and possibly still doing to other kids.

I think that both should be looked into with the emphasis on saving today's kids. While I wouldn't like the person who trafficked me to be investigated (for my own safety) I would love to see those johns that had apartments in NYC for work and lived out of state to get nailed. They could bed a kid every night. I would love to see a john go to jail, whether for a $10 trick, $500 date, or $1,000 weekend. Nobody uses one kid and then stops. They keep going back for more and more. I've read the news about pedos starting their abuse when they were in their early teens and still doing it when they were in their 60's and 70', maybe longer. I remember going to johns where their family pictures are scattered around their posh apartments. If they had to work over the weekend they would rent me for the whole weekend. Hopefully buying my ass saved their kids from being abused but I also realize that if it wasn't me, they used other kids like me, or their own kids, to get their rocks off.

These people don't stop and they can go through generations of children. Go to any city and we will find street kids being sold or selling themselves. I've gone through my old haunts and kids are still there and still up for sale.
If it is involved in a crime, or apprehended as evidence associated with a crime. it is digitized and cataloged in their database, regardless of the age of the pictures/film/video
 
I am sure they would love to have enough resources to go after every single one.

I read not too long ago that they don't even have enough manpower to go after all of the new stuff.
So they focus on the new porn with the littlest kids. For them to try and track down anything past preschool it has to be very extreme porn.
There is just too much new stuff being produced everyday most of it now being made at home by parents


That's so unbelievably depressing and discouraging...
 
I read not too long ago that they don't even have enough manpower to go after all of the new stuff.
With media before the advent of the internet shit happened more locally. Those people are still around and might be easier to catch because the paper trail is there. Over the last 20 years, so much stuff has been coming from overseas. There is a lot of cooperation between other governments and the US at the federal level. It's local police forces that are short on money. Luckily the FBI has a formidable database and with the help of DNA that becomes a huge help for local governments and police forces.

I agree with you about perps abusing kids today but perps are multi-generational. I'm not expecting anyone to go looking for anyone that molested me and rented me from around '55 to '69, that would be unreasonable. Hopefully, they're all dead. I know some have died early. But the investigation in the '90s into the Catholic Church (who pimped my best friend for more than a decade) did go back to the '60s becaue those pervs were still in business. A 60-year-old man who was born in 1961 is probably still molesting kids. Think of all the damage he has done and still doing.

I knew a guy for years who turned out to be molesting children in a school system for 30 years. Hundreds of school children under his belt. He was moved out of the country around 2005 and is now untouchable. But I'm sure he's still in business. He would be only in his 50's. A local councilman or congressman moved him out of the country or they would prosecute him.

I don't know how to help local governments. Generally, people say that's CSA is not a problem that around here. I was 4 or 5 the first time I was raped. I was raped by a neighbor in my room in my foster parent's house. That went on until we moved when I was 9. I said nothing to my foster parents simply because I was afraid I would get beaten. (My foster mother had an itchy slipper finger.) I was trafficked until I went into the USAF in '69. I would never have thought of telling anyone about that. Not my foster parents, not the police, not any adults, I trusted no one. I was afraid and kept quiet until 1/4/2011 when my past came back to haunt me and I ended up in therapy and on meds. I think that the majority of kids today are the same. They are afraid to tell anyone, they don't trust anyone. Hopefully, these days a child or at least a teen would find it easier and hopefully safer going to the police. In the '50s and '60s, the police in NYC were not run by NYC. Children are still afraid to say anything until years later. That's why there should not be any Statute of Limitations at all for CSA. Just the fact that government can't even repeal that statute shows there isn't enough support or a willingness by the government to change things. So therefore there is also no money to change things. In Canada, there is no Statute of Limitations for CSA at all.

Only survivors of CSA and families of sexually abused children will be able to change things. Too many people just don't give a shit until it hits home.

If it is involved in a crime, or apprehended as evidence associated with a crime. it is digitized and cataloged in their database, regardless of the age of the pictures/film/video
Yeah, I've read a lot about CODIS and the other databases that the FBI runs but this is on a federal level and while it's used by local police forces today it's still a problem getting more money to local governments and police. Foreign governments that we have relations with can access CODIS through the FBI. But then there is also an issue for local governments to make CSA a priority. Unless a child is beaten to death or ends up in a hospital we don't hear about CSA. We almost never hear about child sexual abuse. We all heard about that poor 12-year-old boy in Florida that was raped and shot in the face. If he hadn't been shot we would never have heard about the rape and the guy would still be active. CSA doesn't rate unless a famous person is involved. It just doesn't make news. No news, no outcry. No outcry, no money. etc.
 
The Center for Missing and Exploited Children is a phanominal orginization. I reported CSAM (child sexual abuse matieral) I stumbled acreoss online to their Cyber Tips Hotline and it was taken down super quickly.
 
I finally followed up with NCMEC on my pics. No, I had no match.

I have mixed feelings: POSITIVE, since there are no **known** pics of me being circulated, but also NEGATIVE because this would have offered proof of the trafficking, and by affiliation, my father's involvement in the trafficking. and the idea that pics of me may still be out there in circulation, just not being "caught" yet by authorities.
i have been thinking about this lately. even checked the timeline (about 10 months) to get an idea of an ETA.

tried to reach out in march but silly me tried to use a direct email that was inactive rather than just use the cybertip. if i had i might have found out by now whether they would have any matches.

such a silly thing to be so obsessed with. but as time grows i don't think i can easily let it go like i could. i really do hope they find something, anything. an odd thing to want. but with how long it has been it would be the last measure of control i have, to be able to have some sort of digital record of what happened to me and my body, to have some sort of lead to maybe try and find out who did this to me and who else was alongside me experiencing it all

i keep running into a trap where i try to think about the details of abuse that i can remember in say class or somewhere else because i'm trying to test if my memories are real and then i end up digging too deep and triggering myself, then dissociating, then having to try and ground myself back to normal, rinse and repeat whenever i feel the urge. i'm not sure if it's just a self harm thing i would do anyways but i'm sure it would be a lot less worse without the anxiety of not knowing.

that's all i really want. the peace of knowledge. if they didn't find anything i would probably take it as a hint that they made it up.

noticed i wrote they there. maybe i'm not necessarily myself right now. who knows what's wrong with me? i'm just a boy who wants to know what happened to him, why his memory of being a 3 year old is so good but the next 2 years of his life are so spotty and uncertain
 
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