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- Thread starterErik Zachary
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There is no right way Erik, but I believe it is important not to re-traumatize ourselves while doing therapy. It is understood finally, that diving into early trauma experiences really doesn't lead to healing, but rather to more trauma. From what I'm learning in the therapy I began a month ago is that for healing to happen I need to stand close to the trauma and the feelings evoked, but to do so as the adult I am now so I can attend to those feelings, thereby reassuring the frightened, angry parts of myself who believe they still are 2 years old... or whatever age you experienced your trauma that they haven't been abandoned. I am no longer 2 years old. Helping that frightened part of myself understand we live in a safe home and that I'm capable of protecting that part is how healing happens. So don't let what "scares the crap out of you" be the part of you that drives your therapy. Doubtless that has driven much of the acting out you've probably done along the way. Make friends with that part, with the support of your therapist, but do so as you build new capacity for caring for yourself day to day. That isn't always easy to do when we're flooded with painful, frightening memories. In other words... be gentle with yourself.
Go for it. T is the place to unpack the baggage and see what is still buried and pushing this flood forward. Maybe email your T ahead with your intent? When I am flooded a quick email sets the agenda for both T a
Excellent analogy. And you already know the tar has to be picked out and it won’t come out easy and it won’t be pretty or painless as you start the job but the tar has to go.
I was fifty-two years old when I first encountered body memories of having been sexually abuse between the ages of 3 and 7. I too looked at the craziness of my life and absolutely knew something was wrong... first believing the something wrong was me... that I was defective. Thankfully, I found some relief from that mistaken belief so when the memories started bubbling in with the help of EMDR it seemed I'd found the answer to that behavior. 25 years later I'm looking at another piece that is even earlier and deeper. This is the journey of a lifetime and we are fortunate to be doing it since the alternative is a painful life that likely ends early, either from addiction or suicide. I'd rather recover and therefore am willing to do the hard work required. I'm guessing the folks who find their way to this website feel the same way. I wish us all well.
Appreciate your comments Ceremony. Clearly, you're farther ahead in your journey than I am when it comes to Internal Family Systems and parts work. I know my therapist who is grounded in Senorimotor Psychotherapy which incorporates IFS is also trained in EMDR. I've done EMDR in the past, but it wasn't nested within a somatic frame so I didn't integrate what I then discovered about child sexual abuse. Now that I'm doing the parts work I wonder when and how EMDR might be useful. Your description helps.
I'm learning that when I feel triggered it really is a moment when one or another part is offering me useful information that is worth attending to. Rather than "blending" with the part and losing myself in the emotional reaction, I pay attention to it and mobilize the adult who can care for the part. This all sounds very strange until you're actually doing this kind of work. It means that we no longer have to judge any part of ourselves, or feel shame because we have this or that reaction. The reactions are simply attempts to protect the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. I don't even have to "understand" why or exactly how this reaction is operating. I simply take it as a message that some care is needed... so I stop and listen, then offer assurance that we're no longer seven years old, or three years old, or three months old. We are now grown up and we can protect ourselves and care for ourselves. What a relief!
All the best everyone. This is the work of a lifetime and we never have to do it alone.
I'm learning that when I feel triggered it really is a moment when one or another part is offering me useful information that is worth attending to. Rather than "blending" with the part and losing myself in the emotional reaction, I pay attention to it and mobilize the adult who can care for the part. This all sounds very strange until you're actually doing this kind of work. It means that we no longer have to judge any part of ourselves, or feel shame because we have this or that reaction. The reactions are simply attempts to protect the most vulnerable parts of ourselves. I don't even have to "understand" why or exactly how this reaction is operating. I simply take it as a message that some care is needed... so I stop and listen, then offer assurance that we're no longer seven years old, or three years old, or three months old. We are now grown up and we can protect ourselves and care for ourselves. What a relief!
All the best everyone. This is the work of a lifetime and we never have to do it alone.
