.

[jacobtk]

.

 

[batcountry]

jacob, i understand totally (or at least i think i do.) dont feel bad for how you feel. you wish that you had a normal childhood and you are a little jealous of those who do... thats perfectly ok. i am sorry you didnt have that and im sorry a lot of us didnt have that.

you arent "touched", dont worry. how else could you feel? you didnt get those normal hugs or those normal happy memories... even though you deserve them.

 

[VN]

jacob,

I can relate to it, of what you say, very much. I was just speaking it in chat tonight, I wish sometime to be small child, have someone to put me in bed and read to me story until I am asleep. It feels as that would be such safe and loved feeling.

I am similar of you, both my parents, they ruined for me the childhood, and so even if there is something in memory of something that should be innocent and loving, it is damaged. I think, you are not wrong person to feel as you do. I think all us wish for what positive we not had before. It is not as you are going out damaging children who have what you did not. It is normal feeling I think.

VN

 

[endlessjourney]

We all want love in our lives in some way shape or form. I can relate to your triggers though. They seem to taint all of the good feelings we have. Being around young children can give us triggers of our past, or even make us uncomfortable. Some of us feel guilty or disgusting around children because of the myth that "a child who is molested is more likely to do it to another child at an older age". That is fallacy. In time, that goes away when we realize the truth. Eventually, your triggers I'm sure will subside (slowly but surely). It helps to set boundaries even with children. My little neice was similar to your godson in ways. She was clingy and I felt uncomfortable. The issue was, I let here keep on clinging to me when I didn't want her to and that sort of mirrored what happened when I was sexually abused. I didn't want someone touching me and I didn't stop them. Granted, I didn't have a choice as a child, but I do now as an adult. I know my neice was not doing the same thing as my perp, however, if I didn't want to be touched, then it is important to establish that boundary. Usually "Not right now" would work for that situation. Later when I felt comfortable, I would then go and give here a hug etc. She didn't think I was pushing her away at all and she respected my boundaries. Some kids we must be firm with about that but it helps to alleviate any discomfort while being around them.

Much love,
Jason

 

[markgreyblue]

I understand this too.

I think it is all said here.