53 Years ...

JeremyG

Registrant
Like the three post writers I read as I decided to join this community, I wanted to say "hello," "thanks for accepting me," and I'm "not sure I belong here." My name is Jeremy and I'm confused. I've been working with a trauma therapist for about a year and have been in therapy for 28 of my 59 years. I was kidnapped twice when I was a kid and, shockingly in hindsight, none of the string of doctors and therapists I've worked with (until the trauma specialist) "did much" (at all) with the kidnappings. My dad took me first, then my mom took me back (it was the first time I saw a gun) -- and, as I say, in hindsight, it was as if 27 years of specialists and doctors saw these events as unfortunate but no big deal. In walking toward everything that happened to me growing up (because it was affecting my relationships and I wanted to be a "better example" for my kids and grand kids), I realized that 2 or 3 years after the kidnappings my dad sexually violated me. I was 6, maybe 7. And I always thought I'd done something wrong, that I was a terrible, perverted person, and that I had to rise above all this and be the World's Best Person for everyone I met -- lest I be abandoned, with the World finding out just how terrible I was... My memories are blurry, terrifying, embarrassing, and humiliating. It took me 53 years to finally tell the trauma therapist about things. Then I told my husband of 20 years (who's a psychologist) and a few very close people. I'm still learning what's what...and how to go forward in this new world that I find myself in. I could go on and on. But I'll just say: Hello, thanks for accepting me; I'm not sure I belong here. Though, the few posts I read before joining told me, clearly: Yes, I belong here. Some days are scary. Others are mostly confusing. This is the last community I thought I'd ever be a part of...yet, here I am.
 

HenryD

Registrant
JeremyG,

Like the prospectors of 1849, we come to the stream panning for nuggets that will change and improve our lives. They're here, those nuggets. Finding them, however, takes hard work, determination and a lot of patience.

Having taken different routes to get here, we each think we're somehow different. Unique. Perhaps that is true, but, as survivors, we all belong here.

Welcome.
 
You very much belong here. Welcome!
 
Welcome Jeremy. Absolutely, this is the club NONE of us wants to join, yet are very happy exists now that we finally understand what happened to us. Yes, it is tragic that any of us needs to be here but denying the truth of what happened does not save us from the burden of trauma we carry. So, we do as you have done... unpack the painful memories and create a healthier response to what happened to us. Hopefully, we begin to find compassion for ourselves and learn how to care for ourselves in life affirming ways. We can't erase the horror of the past but we can release ourselves from shame we inevitably carry. This is what we are all doing here, each in our own way. You're not alone with any of what you're uncovering in therapy. As you ramble around this website you will doubtless find kindred spirits with whom you'll wish to share your experience. It can be difficult talking about these memories with folks who haven't experienced such things... but here it becomes easy. What you share will be received without judgment. We know this territory from first hand experience. I'm glad you found us and chose to introduce yourself. Sorry you need to be here, but I look forward to engaging with you on the board. All the best on your healing journey my friend.
 
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The Bluefoot

Registrant
Welcome Jeremy, On the journey to healing. We are happy you have found us, I happy you were able to share what you have so far. Its hard to tell your story but its good to release the pain from the brain and heart into this group. you will find many who will share and try to understand and be able to to talk with. We are all here to help each other manage life better. I have spent many year covering up the trauma of my life the hell I went through, and the question of why me? then spent 20 years of living in the past in memories. saving everything afraid to for get any part of my life. and yet I still forgot things and its meanings. Until I found this place with the help of someone I never think would help me. Now I have made 2 friends in a short time and shared my sexual abused with a new community and starting to work on getting well and feeling better in life. There is hope here. thanks for coming and joining us.
 

BDD

Registrant
@JeremyG I am glad you have found a therapist who sees your experience for the horrible things they were. The cruelty and shortsightedness of people amazes me, but for professionals to turn their back is even more disgusting.
 

JeremyG

Registrant
Thank you all very much. It's hard for me to believe that there are so many others here who share similar stories of violation and struggles for recovery. I appreciate those who replied to me. And hopefully I'll get to know some of your stories, and you, as time progresses. Thank you again for welcoming me here.
 
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