52 years old and new “information”
Hello,
I have just recently uncovered new and repressed memories. My older brother was hit by a car when he was young - pretty severe with lots of damage...facial and body as well as brain damage. I witnesses the aftermath of that and can clearly see him as he is on the side of the street. I have always had theses but gain clarity on other things recently. I grew up in a violent household where physical and emotion damage seems to of been the norm and not the exception - most of which was perpetrated by my brother. I had those memories but agin these become more clear with remembering more. The flood of feelings and memories came after I was particularly being a mean and verbally abusive jerk to my wife. One statement unlocked the other traumas from my childhood - 8 to 12/13. My wife had said - you are just like your brother...in what seemed minutes, my internal terror unfolded... feelings of overwhelming shame, flashes of the “other” abuse came crashing into my consciousness. The clips of getting dented by my parents when telling them of things that happen while a child keep playing too. I became a emotional mess...raging, screaming...totally unhinged. My wife who has stood by me and endured all my past self destructive behavior picked me up. I spent a lot of time researching and learning about this abuse was helpful while trying to get a therapist. A lot of what I read about had so many check of of what I became as a stunted adult was sobering. While I am hopeful each day, there are still many times during the course if being awake where I get so full of sadness and cry. Trying to stay functional while working a stressful job has been difficult but can easily use this to limo through the days without notice. My biggest question is how and when will this loose its grip on me. I feel like I make advances with my therapist, listen to podcasts... really trying to work it but still getting overwhelming emotions. I have not been a very emotional adult so this seems so strange to me.
I have just recently uncovered new and repressed memories. My older brother was hit by a car when he was young - pretty severe with lots of damage...facial and body as well as brain damage. I witnesses the aftermath of that and can clearly see him as he is on the side of the street. I have always had theses but gain clarity on other things recently. I grew up in a violent household where physical and emotion damage seems to of been the norm and not the exception - most of which was perpetrated by my brother. I had those memories but agin these become more clear with remembering more. The flood of feelings and memories came after I was particularly being a mean and verbally abusive jerk to my wife. One statement unlocked the other traumas from my childhood - 8 to 12/13. My wife had said - you are just like your brother...in what seemed minutes, my internal terror unfolded... feelings of overwhelming shame, flashes of the “other” abuse came crashing into my consciousness. The clips of getting dented by my parents when telling them of things that happen while a child keep playing too. I became a emotional mess...raging, screaming...totally unhinged. My wife who has stood by me and endured all my past self destructive behavior picked me up. I spent a lot of time researching and learning about this abuse was helpful while trying to get a therapist. A lot of what I read about had so many check of of what I became as a stunted adult was sobering. While I am hopeful each day, there are still many times during the course if being awake where I get so full of sadness and cry. Trying to stay functional while working a stressful job has been difficult but can easily use this to limo through the days without notice. My biggest question is how and when will this loose its grip on me. I feel like I make advances with my therapist, listen to podcasts... really trying to work it but still getting overwhelming emotions. I have not been a very emotional adult so this seems so strange to me.